Venting Friends are ignoring me lol.

[sorararara]

("Ignoring" probably isn't the right word. I just don't know what else to call it.)

Last night I made a post venting about my two only friends who began dating. I'm a little too overwhelmed to type out all of that mess again, so you can read that if you want context. I don't think you'll need to read it... but it's there, of course. Lol.

They are good people, I know they're not doing this intentionally. They started dating, It's only understandable that they want to spend more time together.

I hate how selfish I'm being, but I'm so alone now. I haven't been in a spot like this in months, and I don't think I can handle it again.
I swear this happens anytime I try to be happy. I get to a good place, and in a matter of months, everything gets ruined.

More than anything, I feel so guilty. I vented to them both a couple times (not about their relationship, just about my suicidal thoughts in general.) and I feel like that's what caused most of the problems. I always get too comfortable venting around people and it just exhausts them. These two mean so much to me, they've been so supportive, but I've exhausted them in a time that was supposed to be happy for them. My best friendships have all ended this way. I try to avoid venting to friends but things just get so overwhelming and it all spills out.

 

[ChiseHatori]

Don't beat yourself up over it, we're all ill so we do things that might not be for the best in retrospect.

It's good to feel like you can be open with people - it's much better than bottling it up, the sad truth is though that most people just can't handle that kind of thing, myself included. It's hard to process and we aren't all therapists.

I've kinda been going through a similar thing myself so it's a little silly for me to give advice. I can only seem to say depressing and weird shit around my roommates and friends and they're always concerned about me, but recently they check on me less and less. Sometimes I do think I may be getting ignored, and forgotten. They've often been going out without me, and they probably know I wouldn't be able to enjoy it anyway... but still.

I hope you can find a support group or someone else to go to, if you don't feel like they're people you can go to anymore. I understand how you feel.

 

[anhedonya]

I understand why you feel left behind by them. I've been there and it sucks. It's not a nice feeling to know they'll likely put someone they just met but feel romantically for over you, the one who has been there for years and years platonically. I have also been on the other side of this though- the one your friends are in, and I think maybe the reason they're trying to minimize conversation with you is because they don't know how to respond to the way you approached it. Obviously, I don't know how exactly you said it, but let me explain.

It's one thing to say "I'm happy for you guys but I feel like you're spending so much time with each other that I'm not getting to spend time with either of you. This is making me sad because I like your company and I want to be able to feel like a friend around you- I know it's not your intention but instead I feel like the third wheel." and then talk about it as a group that way.

It's another if you made a vague in public about it, or made snide remarks to them on the topic, or brought it up in a less... pragmatic way. How you phrased the vent and the strength of emotion you put into it is very important.

Either way, it sounds like both sides can come back from this with proper boundaries. I know it feels like there's no way to solve this but from the information you've given, I firmly believe there is. They need to make more time for you on a personal level rather than as a couple + you, and you need to discuss boundaries about what they are and aren't comfortable hearing and how you can phrase yourself in a way that doesn't throw them off as badly. Even something as simple as "I really need to talk to you. I don't feel well. Are you available?" before venting can make a HUGE difference in the reception of it all.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope your friendships work out!