Freedom is so close I could touch it

[hfdepression30]

Do you ever feel like you're so close to death that you can almost feel it? Freedom. Escape. Relief. Peace. I feel like we spend so much time thinking about our weaknesses and failures, but not our strength and the power we possess. Regardless of how high or low our intent to die may be, we are still capable of making the choice to live or to die. If I disregard our personal complexes; survival instinct, will or determination; and I think about how I could hang myself right now, in this moment, that everything I feel could all be taken away in a matter of moments.. it brings me a kind of contentment I've never felt before; to know that I would never have to suffer my own emotional or mental torment ever again. It's 2pm right now, and I don't have to see the next hour if I don't want to; I don't want to forget that I do have the power to end my suffering; I am strong enough to do it. However, I will see the next hour, only because I want to wait until the evening so I can be alone and avoid any unexpected or unwanted visits.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
I feel death so close to me that I could ctb anytime soon.
However, I'm really trying to live but damn, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep on doing it.

 

[hfdepression30]

I can relate.
I feel death so close to me that I could ctb anytime soon.
However, I'm really trying to live but damn, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep on doing it.

I'm glad you're trying to live. I don't hate the concept of life and living, and I don't hate this world; albeit some global, socio, economical or political issues that I don't have the energy to comment on. I think with the right mindset, ethic and effort anyone can lead a wonderful life and create a incredible catalogue of memories. If you're trying to live, I hope you're able to achieve that someday, and know that anything is capable if you put mind and action to it. From the day we're born we're all on a timer for death anyway; just occasionally it comes sooner for some, maybe by choice, other times unexpectedly.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm glad you're trying to live. I don't hate the concept of life and living, and I don't hate this world; albeit some global, socio, economical or political issues that I don't have the energy to comment on. I think with the right mindset, ethic and effort anyone can lead a wonderful life and create a incredible catalogue of memories. If you're trying to live, I hope you're able to achieve that someday, and know that anything is capable if you put mind and action to it. From the day we're born we're all on a timer for death anyway; just occasionally it comes sooner for some, maybe by choice, other times unexpectedly.

This is quite a great post! You should make a thread about it because it's really interesting.

Thanks for your reply.

Hugs :D

 

[Carrotcake]

I feel like quite te opposite: everything comes from weakness. Too weak to live, too weak to die. I'm stuck.

 

[hfdepression30]

I feel like quite te opposite: everything comes from weakness. Too weak to live, too weak to die. I'm stuck.

You're NOT too weak. People, experiences or even ourselves may condition ourselves to think or feel that we're worthless, weak or a failure, but you're not. You're capable of living or dying with enough effort and the right mindset. I wish you the best

 

[Bamman]

You're NOT too weak. People, experiences or even ourselves may condition ourselves to think or feel that we're worthless, weak or a failure, but you're not. You're capable of living or dying with enough effort and the right mindset. I wish you the best

When we loose people like you we loose a part of what makes this forum a place for people to attain some hope. But choosing to ctb is a very personal and deeply profound decision to make. I always hope people here can make some attempt at turning their life around for the better. I think this place is a comfort blanket

I've not been here long but I see
A lot here and I feel he is a strong and greatly supportive part of this unique community here. I feel when the community looses him it will be a major blow. But again we aren't committed to staying if we just can't do it and we have to forge our own difficult and uncertain journey in life.

 

[Sunset Limited]

I have lived for a long time thanks to the freedom to leave whenever I want. That doesn't make me feel good anymore either. I am 44 years old, there is no hope, and I feel like I'm in prison. There is no deeper than that. Just I have to set a date to CTB. If I set a date I know I will. SI still resists.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

So beautifully written. I feel it coming too. All my memories of here wiped clean forever. Can't wait. Living is a waste of my time in current society. I wasn't given the genetics to improve, traumatized because of genes out of my control that harbored my growth, and know one would help me nor give the solution to my issues. I'm going to be free.

 

[FuneralCry]

Despite it being hard to take our lives due to the SI, it is always possible to get out of this life and that thought brings me comfort. At least no matter what happens death is inevitable for us. It will come eventually. It is the one solution to all of my problems and it is freedom to me.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I wasn't given the genetics to improve, traumatized because of genes out of my control that harbored my growth, and know one would help me nor give the solution to my issues. I'm going to be free.

I feel the same way. My physiology and genetics are/were in charge of my mood and health from day 1 which is so unfair and mind over mood doesnt really work for me to allow me to thrive in spite of bad hand I've been dealt

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I really feel it coming! I cannot wait.

Funeral cost
Student debt free

I'm going to be free from humanity cannot wait. FREE from trauma, feelings of worthlessness, being ugly/undesirable, low self esteem, low confidence, memories of everything here I cannot wait, free from working, free from depressive realism. Free from my mistakes and regrets. God I cannot wait