Forcing myself to do an activity

[Daxter_87]

I feel that, right now, in this kind of state of anhedonia/apathy, the only way for me to do anything is basically to force myself. It's either that or stare at the wall. Walking and sunlight help me with all of this somewhat, but not that much. Just a little bit.

I remember being like this even before developing OCD, but given the toll said disorder took on me, I had forgotten what it feels like to feel nothing at all. Life is just so unrewarding, and this is something that not only do I feel, but I also believe in it ideologically; after all, I'm an antinatalist and an efilist.

However, it used to be even worse, specifically when I was still in the school system. I remember that, on top of everything that I just described, I felt imprisoned for having to go to that place everyday; the work and school systems truly are awful.

Well, anyway, end of the rant. Like I said at the beginning, I guess I'll have to force myself to do something. I don't think there's other way right now.

 

[Worndown]

Doing something can be good. It can break up a boring day. Just choose carefully to avoid triggers.

 

[Daxter_87]

Doing something can be good. It can break up a boring day. Just choose carefully to avoid triggers.

Well, if by triggers you mean OCD triggers, they are pretty much everywhere, so I definitely couldn't do anything if I tried to avoid them all.

But that's beside the point anyway. Right now it's not so much about having OCD (which obviously still compounds the problem), but about everything feeling like a pointless chore.

Nonetheless, I appreciate your reply. Thank you.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly is just one unnecessary, pointless chore, it certainly is tiring feeling trapped here and to me there's no relief from suffering apart from leaving this world. In my case simply just existing is tiring but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Worndown]

Motivation is not easily attained and easily lost. I hope you can find one thing worth doing every day.

 

[Rational man]

Sounds like you have a little motivation which is more than so many here. I try and get out when physical health allows. I must admit being close to the coast reminds where i will return, back to nature free from illness and pain.