How did you feel after having the courage to ctb and then waking up to the reality you were still alive? What was your first thought?
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I only had courage whenever I was tipsy and that's usually when I'd try any attempts. I'd just go back to being depressed and sad that I'm still stuck in this place.
WaitingForMyRide
Order out of chaos
- Sep 6, 2022
- 115
I remember when I tried overdosing on all sorts of pills I had stocked up. Ended up extremely nauseous, head aching like crazy and just overall a mess. I couldn't even lie down because I was vomiting so much. I passed put eventually to wake up with blood and vomit around me and blurry vision. I remember just crying because I had failed and was so embarrassed. I cleaned myself up and lay in bed for about a week doing absolutely nothing with myself and living with my shame and guilt.
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
I had taken SN, and I was lying in bed in the dark, with a sleep mask and earplugs in. I was feeling calm, and ready, no SI to speak of. I remember thinking that I was taking a bit longer to pass out than I thought I would, but it was ok because this was it, the final sleep.
Fast forward twelve hours. I become vaguely aware that something sharp is digging into my back around the shoulder, but I'm too tired to really care. Then realisation hits me, I'm still here. I can feel pain from whatever this object is. It was a photo frame by the way, one of the memories I'd taken with me.
I can't describe the emotions that I felt upon that realisation. And nearly a month later I haven't even begun to get over that feeling. I just felt like that was the right time. I was ready, I was at peace. And nothing has gotten any better since.
As a side note, when I took the sn, I was actually on the phone to the one piece of support I have left. I explained what I'd done, and how calm and ready for it I was. I hoped that they would find comfort knowing I hadn't suffered, and that I was happy with it all. Having to speak to them again the next day. That was soul crushing
Fast forward twelve hours. I become vaguely aware that something sharp is digging into my back around the shoulder, but I'm too tired to really care. Then realisation hits me, I'm still here. I can feel pain from whatever this object is. It was a photo frame by the way, one of the memories I'd taken with me.
I can't describe the emotions that I felt upon that realisation. And nearly a month later I haven't even begun to get over that feeling. I just felt like that was the right time. I was ready, I was at peace. And nothing has gotten any better since.
As a side note, when I took the sn, I was actually on the phone to the one piece of support I have left. I explained what I'd done, and how calm and ready for it I was. I hoped that they would find comfort knowing I hadn't suffered, and that I was happy with it all. Having to speak to them again the next day. That was soul crushing
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Rainy_days
Experienced
- Dec 21, 2022
- 256
I woke up with black vomit all over the place. Started a half hearted attempt to try hang myself with shoelace by the door handle but I gave up. Was so long ago I don't remember the exact feeling other than it was obviously not pleasant.
justwanasleep
Student
- Nov 8, 2022
- 100
The last time I was initially scared as I was having the ventilator ripped out my throat and the room Is dark in intensive care so I couldn't see and felt like I was being choked out. But as soon as I woke up properly and realised where I was fucking complete and utter devastation. I was trying to rip all drips out I've never felt failure like it. Also my family shamed me and my narc auntie loves to bring up and talk about the money I wasted at the hospital so that's always a nice reminder.
Ohhh crap :(((( my biggest concern... I think that I will go with SN + hanging, to be really sure... If for some reason hanging fails, SN will be there hopefully doing its job
This was similar to my experience (except I was alone). I was just ready to go and at peace, I woke up 16 hours later...... that was the worst feeling.
justwanasleep
Student
- Nov 8, 2022
- 100
Overdose on prescription meds quetiapine and propranolol, it took me 3 times to learn it doesn't work.
bennydiazapine
Member
- Dec 4, 2022
- 87
More depressed then I was before the attempt, also going through opiate WD's in a hospital bed isn't the greatest.
When I got home everything didn't feel real, took me 2 weeks to come out of my room. Was a very rough feeling knowing that I failed and was now in more (Mental) Pain then before.
When I got home everything didn't feel real, took me 2 weeks to come out of my room. Was a very rough feeling knowing that I failed and was now in more (Mental) Pain then before.
suicidalpushpop
Member
- Sep 14, 2022
- 80
i was so heartbroken. it's been 2 weeks and i still am. dying felt peaceful but waking up sucked
i od'd on 100 beta blockers.
i od'd on 100 beta blockers.
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Kualk
May we all find peace
- Jan 10, 2023
- 43
Not sure if it fits the question as I barely went unconscious but I tried to hang myself when I was around 14, learned quickly that the branches of the trees next to my school are not strong or sturdy, as it broke even though at the time I was very underweight, tried two more times with similar results and by the time the third try failed I just broke down laughing, it still feels somewhat silly thinking back now.
june
Experienced
- May 25, 2020
- 208
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
DaatiSimi
Member
- Nov 24, 2022
- 65
I tried overdosing on antidepressants and multiple psychiatric pills I had gather over the years.
I woke up 3 days later. No one had even noticed.
I will never forget the anger I felt, the disappointment, to have woken up, the sadness...
I woke up 3 days later. No one had even noticed.
I will never forget the anger I felt, the disappointment, to have woken up, the sadness...
How much propanalol did you take?
Which kind if you don't mind me asking? Did someone find you?
tchaik18401893
tchaikovsky
- Dec 31, 2022
- 121
it was a year ago and i had overdosed on 3600mg of my epilepsy medication. It wasnt enough. I remember dreaming about a cookies and cream hersheys chocolate bar. I woke up at noon from my grandma shaking me. 4 hours earlier my mom had tried to wake me up but she couldnt. I remember being confused, I suppose i didnt realize i had attempted the night before. I was calm and relaxed but very dizzy and tired. Time passed by quickly, what felt like 5 minutes was an hour. I went to the hospital, they genuinely didnt really care. They didnt help me step out of the ambulance. They didnt talk to me hardly. I realized what i had done later, after i was fully conscious. I didnt care. I didnt care that i was alive, i didnt care that i wasnt dead. i just was in a state of being of not giving a shit about anything. I wasnt sad, or upset. Just careless.
justwanasleep
Student
- Nov 8, 2022
- 100
I have no idea in weight it but was a lot but I didn't count I never planned any of my attempts. I can take a lot of pills at once so I took as many as I could before I passed out.
Destiny Calls Me
Do I answer?
- Nov 23, 2022
- 376
You are a strong soul to do what you did. I couldnt spare any expense to do that. I want all in no excuses. Thank you for sharing your experience
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
You're very kind to say so, but I'm really not. I give myself a small amount of credit that I was able to keep calm throughout the process, but aside from that, I'm a broken man who can't get over the losses I've faced. A literal shell of who I was and could potentially be.
No need to thank me either. This place has been a great comfort to me. As tough as my experience was on me, I hope that others can find it informative, so that I can give something back so to speak.
All the best
Destiny Calls Me
Do I answer?
- Nov 23, 2022
- 376
You shared your story and went through something very tough. Regardless of your acceptance, you did something many dream of, through the courage, you still showed some faith and something many can learn learn from.
Remember to be prepared and to be precise. Accidents happen to the best of us.
I have never woken up from a method but u have gotten close to attempts that epyld have been fatal for sure a couple of times.
Same thing really, felt weak and guilt that I can't even go through with it and have to put up with more of this shit.
I just have no guts and am a coward really, can't even CTB without bottling it.
Same thing really, felt weak and guilt that I can't even go through with it and have to put up with more of this shit.
I just have no guts and am a coward really, can't even CTB without bottling it.
Just very disappointed and thinking what if I never succeed because I knew I was going to try again. If I wasn't found I may have ctb.
Szinuus
I see the bus...I can almost see it
- Aug 19, 2022
- 211
I thought that my run towards the window and jump were just a dream. Then I realised that Im in hospital bed with broken legs, unable to even sit.
kwho
Student
- Apr 29, 2023
- 110
Little_Suzy
Amphibious
- May 1, 2023
- 939
You wake up feeling nauseated, heart pounding, exhausted, projectile vomiting, paranoid, relieved that no one knows what you did, and proud of your boldness for even attempting. I quickly sank into a deeper depression.
I informed my therapist after a month of extreme guilt and agitation. Instead of serenity, my world was turned upside down.
I was interrogated three times by the suicide prevention medical team, had my medical record flagged, and had to go through brutal "safety screenings" with my therapist twice a week. I wanted to forget, and move on, but my pro-life psych team made the next six months a living nightmare.
I informed my therapist after a month of extreme guilt and agitation. Instead of serenity, my world was turned upside down.
I was interrogated three times by the suicide prevention medical team, had my medical record flagged, and had to go through brutal "safety screenings" with my therapist twice a week. I wanted to forget, and move on, but my pro-life psych team made the next six months a living nightmare.
