For those who woke up from an attempt: how did u feel?

[Source Energy]

Hmm, the first time at 14 I od-ed on mom's diazepams. Unfortunately she found me. I was rushed to the ER and saved. I didn't feel any particular way, just "oh well I guess I have to deal with more shit now".

Second time, I stopped myself from dying during the process. You won't believe it. I combined pills with alcohol and I was on the edge. I changed my mind and did something. It borders on preternatural so I will leave it out. I went to work hours later like nothing. I didnt even look like anything wrong. Felt ok and amazed at my power.

If I wake up after SN though - unless I use my focus again but I don't think I would- this time I would be really pissed, frustrated and desperate.

@LookingOverTheEdge story gave me chills when he first posted it. I could feel his despair and disappointment. I hope I will be more fortunate in my SN try.

 

[nosoul]

This was similar to my experience (except I was alone). I was just ready to go and at peace, I woke up 16 hours later...... that was the worst feeling.

What happened?

 

[squirley]

I remember when I tried overdosing on all sorts of pills I had stocked up. Ended up extremely nauseous, head aching like crazy and just overall a mess. I couldn't even lie down because I was vomiting so much. I passed put eventually to wake up with blood and vomit around me and blurry vision. I remember just crying because I had failed and was so embarrassed. I cleaned myself up and lay in bed for about a week doing absolutely nothing with myself and living with my shame and guilt.

My experience was fairly similar. I thought I had a concrete plan. A mix of left over persciptions plus vodka. I was nauseous but drank pepto and had a tiny snack before hand.
I didn't experience alot of vomiting it all just came at once like 1 big puke.
So I took more of the meds , chugged more vodka and water.
My vision was ok. But yes the headaches were brutal. As was the dizziness.
my heart was pounding and erratic.
I figured if I kept drinking I would pass out. For good. I started to hear whispers which was interesting.
I started to get really hungry for whatever reason. But refused to eat anything except vodka and more meds.
I eventually passed out aswell. Woke up in a very odd state. A little puke on my couch but not much.
I can understand the feeling of shame and guilt and embarrassment.
I was actually angry at my self for being a failure at my attempt.
Good luck.

 

[sheleftme1]

I felt and still like a failure… the pain of my closest attempt was horrible. My neck was in pain and my head hurt for weeks… I passed out from my visine attempt but it didn't work I was woozy for a while. Honestly at one point I was feeling like I stayed alive for a reason… I found a woman I loved and was glad to be alive because I felt like a good life with her was worth it. But now I know I'd have rather died

 

[soleil]

I felt and still like a failure… the pain of my closest attempt was horrible. My neck was in pain and my head hurt for weeks… I passed out from my visine attempt but it didn't work I was woozy for a while. Honestly at one point I was feeling like I stayed alive for a reason… I found a woman I loved and was glad to be alive because I felt like a good life with her was worth it. But now I know I'd have rather died

How much visine? Did you take a lot at once or a little over time? I was debating on it since everything else is so scary

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

After i hung myself and failed, i never tried ever again to attempt it since i felt like the dumbest being on the planet.

Fingers crossed the proper one doesn't fail this time, right? :P

 

[sheleftme1]

How much visine? Did you take a lot at once or a little over time? I was debating on it since everything else is so scary

10 bottles… 5 one day and 5 more the next. I passed out in the bathroom and peed myself… I noticed some discoloration on my chest after that has never gone away like a movie when you get poisoned so I thought it was working but yeah I am scared of every other method like jumping. Taking something is easy to me. SI is crazy with partial hanging and long drop I always messed up

 

[soleil]

10 bottles… 5 one day and 5 more the next. I passed out in the bathroom and peed myself… I noticed some discoloration on my chest after that has never gone away like a movie when you get poisoned so I thought it was working but yeah I am scared of every other method like jumping. Taking something is easy to me. SI is crazy with partial hanging and long drop I always messed up

I'd be scared to even take that many at once. I may still consider it except spread apart, maybe that will be more effective? It would probably work for those with pre existing heart conditions. I wish I wasn't so damn healthy. I hate being trapped

 

[unnormal9]

Like complete and utter shit. I would always attempt by overdosing, and since I was always on a bunch of pills, it made it easier to to do. My med does where very high and the made their buck off me alright.

 

[Kyuumin]

Felt like absolute shit. All I wanted was to try again but my family hid the meds lmao

 

[unnormal9]

Felt like absolute shit. All I wanted was to try again but my family hid the meds lmao

Partial hanging?

 

[sheleftme1]

I'd be scared to even take that many at once. I may still consider it except spread apart, maybe that will be more effective? It would probably work for those with pre existing heart conditions. I wish I wasn't so damn healthy. I hate being trapped

Not sure honesty I didn't know enough… it was less scary to do this than to jump I didn't flinch drinking them…. I don't think I'd try that again. I wish people would at least open up legal assistance for this because truthfully I think everyone should at least try life first and then when it gets to the end you should be able to go on your own choices. I think when I drank those bottles I was sure I wanted to be gone… if I was unwilling to do that I believe that means I was still holding out hope. And hope is what I don't have anymore to keep me wanting to be here.

 

[loverfromhell]

felt so frustrated and angry , i've failed hanging 2x and overdose 1x. the immediate realization is so much self anger and hate at not being able to accomplish something that i really want. there should be a special word that encompasses the feeling of disappointment failure creates..

 

[tiredofbreathing]

I didn't feel any different than before I attempted. Very terrible depression and pain etc

 

[Kyuumin]

Partial hanging?

OD on Zolpidem

 

[DazaiKinnie]

How did you feel after having the courage to ctb and then waking up to the reality you were still alive? What was your first thought?

Damn it, I am still alive? Why can't you just die?
That's what I thought in every of my failed attempts(4 until now)

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

I hope I wont wake up after i drink SN :/ sounds fucking horrible

 

[unnormal9]

OD on Zolpidem

got it.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I had taken SN, and I was lying in bed in the dark, with a sleep mask and earplugs in. I was feeling calm, and ready, no SI to speak of. I remember thinking that I was taking a bit longer to pass out than I thought I would, but it was ok because this was it, the final sleep.

Fast forward twelve hours. I become vaguely aware that something sharp is digging into my back around the shoulder, but I'm too tired to really care. Then realisation hits me, I'm still here. I can feel pain from whatever this object is. It was a photo frame by the way, one of the memories I'd taken with me.

I can't describe the emotions that I felt upon that realisation. And nearly a month later I haven't even begun to get over that feeling. I just felt like that was the right time. I was ready, I was at peace. And nothing has gotten any better since.

As a side note, when I took the sn, I was actually on the phone to the one piece of support I have left. I explained what I'd done, and how calm and ready for it I was. I hoped that they would find comfort knowing I hadn't suffered, and that I was happy with it all. Having to speak to them again the next day. That was soul crushing

Oh I'm surprised by this, I thought SN had a high success rate … no ???