Venting First vent

[LocalAngel]

Hi. Didn't think i'd ever be able to actually find a site like this, even though i've been looking for... at least 4 years, off and on. Anyway.

We're a system of 70+, diagnosed. This makes the topic of suicidal thoughts, planning and such very complicated for us. With that being said, we've had thoughts for about 7 years, recollection wise. And now i'm just... in a state of being passively suicidal again.

How in the fuck am i meant to cope with the world going to absolute shit? I briefly liked the idea of having children at one point, to give my life some sort of meaning. Now i think that's a horrible death sentence for them, and honestly, morally for me, very awful.

I don't know how to cope with years and years of trauma. Or how to push these thoughts to one side. If i were to actually try and attempt, it would have to be swift. As likely, another system member would try and stop me, as well as SI. I've researched plenty, but... gonna need to do some more.
I don't think my time has come yet. But honestly, if someone handed me a loaded gun? I'd contemplate CTB, heavily.

I am trying to see a psychiatrist soon. I am very doubtful they can help. They'll probably try and load me up on drugs to numb me, which i'll refuse for a number of reasons. I am only trying for my partner, and that is it. I'm bound to the idea that i will not die of natural causes at this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you aren't choosing to procreate, bringing more life here certainly is something that is incredibly selfish and unnecessary, and is basically just creating more suffering. This world certainly is such a hellish place, that is undeniable. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[LocalAngel]

At least you aren't choosing to procreate, bringing more life here certainly is something that is incredibly selfish and unnecessary, and is basically just creating more suffering. This world certainly is such a hellish place, that is undeniable. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

It is very difficult to even consider it anymore. I would be passing on my awful genetics, bringing them into a world thats crumbling, AND give them life that they didn't consent to. Yikes, no.

 

[ThisIsLife]

"This too shall pass" may apply to anybody in theory, i believe it applies mostly to those who take action in life. Those whose life is at a point of exploring CTB already give up that power of taking action when their thoughts take place. But it doesn't mean they lose it.

 

[Wormfood]

May your death be peaceful