I wasn't sure whether I should post here or not, but what do I have to lose? I just feel like venting and my best friend no longer wants to listen to me.
I'm not gonna get into a lot of details, but I am an international student from Europe, currently living in the US. In January I learned that my college did not file my visa documents properly and I have been here illegally during my 4 years of studies. I have been dealing with immigration ever since. I was suspended from school, my license was taken away. In the next few weeks I'm supposed to learn whether I can go back to school or I need to be deported and be banned from the US for the next 10 years. Living with this kind of stress every single day is slowly killing me. I have been suicidal for months. Knowing that I might not be able to see the people who have been my support system for years ever again is unbearable to me. I told my best friend (Spoiler alert! she's a psychologist, she should know better than that) that I have been depressed and suicidal and she told me that I'm being ridiculous and I shouldn't feel this way because of one inconvenience. Getting a flat tire is a fucking inconvenience. I am facing deportation because of someone else's laziness and not paying attention. It's not fair and really frustrating. I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm paying a high price for that. And I feel like no one gets it. My therapist asked the other day: But did you think about what other people would feel if you killed yourself? Why is it always about others? What about me and my feelings? Because sure, other people care when they are having a conversation with me, but then they walk away and move on with their lives and their shit, and I stay with my problems alone. So what about me?
Anyway, I don't think that I can live like that anymore. I booked a hotel room for 12/11. Got my SN. We will see what's gonna happen.
I'm not gonna get into a lot of details, but I am an international student from Europe, currently living in the US. In January I learned that my college did not file my visa documents properly and I have been here illegally during my 4 years of studies. I have been dealing with immigration ever since. I was suspended from school, my license was taken away. In the next few weeks I'm supposed to learn whether I can go back to school or I need to be deported and be banned from the US for the next 10 years. Living with this kind of stress every single day is slowly killing me. I have been suicidal for months. Knowing that I might not be able to see the people who have been my support system for years ever again is unbearable to me. I told my best friend (Spoiler alert! she's a psychologist, she should know better than that) that I have been depressed and suicidal and she told me that I'm being ridiculous and I shouldn't feel this way because of one inconvenience. Getting a flat tire is a fucking inconvenience. I am facing deportation because of someone else's laziness and not paying attention. It's not fair and really frustrating. I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm paying a high price for that. And I feel like no one gets it. My therapist asked the other day: But did you think about what other people would feel if you killed yourself? Why is it always about others? What about me and my feelings? Because sure, other people care when they are having a conversation with me, but then they walk away and move on with their lives and their shit, and I stay with my problems alone. So what about me?
Anyway, I don't think that I can live like that anymore. I booked a hotel room for 12/11. Got my SN. We will see what's gonna happen.
