First party

[everydayiloveyou]

Hi everyone, I haven't felt the need to come onto here after increasing my meds but here I am lol

so i just got home from my very first party... It was people from school, but we met online first. It was really awkward for me and I feel so bad. I'm disappointed in myself since I will have to tell my therapist I didn't enjoy it, and that I might've been better off ditching like I had planned.

It was nice meeting everyone but probably they don't like me as much anymore, since irl I'm not attractive at all. I also have a disability, and I'm just a slow and awkward person. Online it's different since I have time to think about what I say.

the worst part: I don't drink and everybody else was. I played some pong (they felt bad for me I bet, I couldnt even do well since I'm vision impaired anyways) but otherwise it felt really awkward to be the only painfully shy and sober one there.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy some alcohol and drink it alone in my dorm so I can see my tolerance. After today, I remember why I still go on this site. It's like everything goes downhill when I'm not able to hide behind my screen.

What are you guys' experiences at parties?

 

[Kyrok]

I greatly dislike parties, always have. I like serious interesting conversations, but not chit chat. My resentment at other people's easy happiness also can rise to the surface.

 

[summers]

@everydayiloveyou don't start drinking to fit in. I don't drink at all, and never have a problem in situations where everyone else is. I'm super social, but if I only know one person at a party, it can be a little awkward at first. What I find is you'll probably find a few people you click with and make friends with them.

I recently went to hang out with a group of people, only knowing two. It was to watch a college football game. I have no interest in football, even though the friend who invited me did. So I wound up spending time with a few other people who didn't care about the game either. We talked about things we had in common, shared pics of places we've been, watched some funny youtube videos. Turned out pretty good, because I was invited to hang out at one of their houses as sort of an after party. It was a lot more chill, and I wound up getting to know some cool people.

 

[OrcWitch]

I have just felt ugly and lonely and awkward at parties. The last time I was at one was 7 years ago though. I wonder how it would feel being at a party full of 30 year olds now that I am less self hating.

Also, even though it was a disappointment for you I'm happy you managed to get invited to something like that and had the courage to attend.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

@everydayiloveyou don't start drinking to fit in. I don't drink at all, and never have a problem in situations where everyone else is. I'm super social, but if I only know one person at a party, it can be a little awkward at first. What I find is you'll probably find a few people you click with and make friends with them.

I recently went to hang out with a group of people, only knowing two. It was to watch a college football game. I have no interest in football, even though the friend who invited me did. So I wound up spending time with a few other people who didn't care about the game either. We talked about things we had in common, shared pics of places we've been, watched some funny youtube videos. Turned out pretty good, because I was invited to hang out at one of their houses as sort of an after party. It was a lot more chill, and I wound up getting to know some cool people.

Its the opposite for me, I have social anxiety disorder so I am always feeling painfully shy. Also, I knew them all sorta because we've been talking online so much, but irl it was different, I felt like we suddenly had nothing to talk about. usually i only reply to the things they say rather than start convos so that also contributes

I have just felt ugly and lonely and awkward at parties. The last time I was at one was 7 years ago though. I wonder how it would feel being at a party full of 30 year olds now that I am less self hating.

Also, even though it was a disappointment for you I'm happy you managed to get invited to something like that and had the courage to attend.

thanks so much, i spoke to my doctor today and she said a similar thing. It's just hard to focus on the good stuff (getting invited at all) when the rest was so bad

 

[gottago222]

they most likely loved having you there more than you know. dont give up keep going out and meeting new people. you will become more comfortable with time.

 

[Foresight]

Parties are overrated. I guess it's good to experience but don't be down about not enjoying it. Good for you for keeping true to yourself and not drinking.

 

[waitingforrest]

Whenever I go to parties, I just pretend to be drunk. I don't want to drink because I know I will probably try to ctb right after as I am obviously drunk. At least everyone around me is drunk so they can't tell most of the time.

Even though I act like the life of the party, it's really all just a fake act. Coming up with interesting stories that never happened is like second nature to me now. I can't help but think that the people around me actually have normal functioning lives and I am not one of them.

Somehow, small talk infuriates me. It feels so shallow and basic to me that I just try to joke about something else so I don't have to continue. And that's the end of my confession.

Even though I obviously can't follow my own advice, don't try force yourself to fit in. But I get it, sticking out is a draining feeling. Just know your limits, okay? Please get yourself into dangerous situations just to please people. Not saying that you will, just a heads up.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I can have sort of have a good time, but only if I'm nicely drunk and people are a bit open to me. I'm used to being completely on the outside and having to make inroads without people expending the same effort on me, so I do find parties a bit draining. Most people aren't very sociable either. I usually have a feeling of "I wish I'd just stayed home" but deep down I know it's not good to do so all the time, so I feel compelled to push myself occasionally.

Lately I've been feeling more empty and unfulfilled than usual when I go out (the last time was new years) and I just don't feel motivated to try again any time soon.