Dear everyone,
This thread will be about the documentation of the cbt of user
@Moonicide (29 years old) Who took her life on Jan 12th at 00:30 EST.
She was a dear friend of mine that I met on this forum. She loved this forum and it's users. The forum helped her allot during her last days. And the support she got during her goodbye thread was almost overwhelming for her. It made her really happy. Her last wish was to document her death to thank everyone on the forum and to educate people who are uncertain about this method. As far as we know nobody has done a full documentation about this method. I will go through everything that I saw and give my honest opinion about the method.
I will cover everything before she took the sn and after taking the sn. After the documentation I will do a Q and A and do some afterthoughts. If anyone has a question please feel free to write me a pm or leave a comment here. I will try to reply to as many people as possible. But I will also be taking a break from this forum after witnessing all this.
Moonie's goodbye thread
Please read through her goodbye thread to get all the information needed about the medicine she took and how her regime looked like. Also please check Stan's Guide On SN If you have any questions about this method.
Before taking the SN
00:06 "I'm feeling pretty okay. Hungry as fuck. Stomach is making noises. A little bit drowsy. Perhaps because of the not sleep. But maybe because of the pills. But i'm calm."
00:10 Started making the sn drink. Moonie is suprised how much a table spoon (+/-25gram) is.
00:15 "Doesn't smell like anything." used luke warm water. Clear white liquid. I dont see any clumps.
00:17 The liquid started to get more clear and clear
00:21 "I'm feeling okay and calm. I'm looking at the forum."
After taking the SN
00:31 Moonie took SN in a chair with a straw "oh fuck its really bad"
"it tastes like really salty seawater. It's burning my thoat." She says the straw helps allot.
00:32 Making SN dosage 2. And she took a mint to mask the taste of the SN.
00:33 Moonie says her throat still burns. And gives it a 3.5/10 on the pain scale. "not really that bad." She says her stomach burns.
00:34 "i need to lay down."
00:35 She says her heart is beating fast. Throat burns It's salty. Getting really warm. She says there is no pain. But I feel heavy stomach burns.
00:36 Moonie puked once (I couldnt see how much. But she puked 2 times)
00:37 Second puke. And she is breathing very heavy. Almost trying to gasp for air.
00:38 She took her headset off. I couldnt talk to her anymore. But I could still listen to her.
00:39 Her eyes are closed and she is breathing very heavy.
00:40 Breathing slowes down. laying on her side
00:41 She coughs a bit and says fuck 3 times in a low voice. (perhaps theres some pain/ discomfort?) (this could also be the last time she was consious)
00:42 Really slow breathing. Almost looks like normal breathing
00:43 Still consious, legs spasms. She makes some grunting sounds.
00:44 eyes are open for a brief second (this could perhaps be a possible small seizure?) she closed her eyes immediately after that though.
00:45 Hands on stomach, Groans. load groans sounds like snoring. kinda like chocking
00:46 throws up a little bit. while laying on her stomach.
00:47 trying to gasp for air. making loud snoring sounds.
00:48 less snoring / gapsing for air sounds.
00:49 I think she's asleep
00:50 Def sleeping.
00:52 still same breathing. It is getting slower though
00:55 breathing becomes really slow
00:56 even slower
00:58 last breath
01:05 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:15 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:30 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:40 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:44 nothing changed. shes still laying.
closed videocall.
Q And A
Was this method peacefull?
First what is peacefull? Is it immediately falling asleep and not moving? If we compare this to N then this method is
partially peacefull In my opinion. There was allot of groaning and gasping for air. However in the grand scheme of things. This method is quick and she was laying on her bed very beautifully. Completely at peace. Again this is different for everyone. So don't think this documentation is how it is for everyone. But the reason why people choose this method is because of how "easy" it is to get all the stuff to CTB. And because of how cheap it is. To me it's stil strange that you can puchase this stuff online.
Did it look painfull?
During her time being consious she told me
it wasn't really painfull. Her throat burned and she felt like her stomach was really heavy. But it wasn't unbearable pain or anything. I think you could compare it to feeling sick in the stomach? Ofcourse there's some pain. But overall its not unbearable.
How long did it take untill she was unconsious?
If I look at my notes. She took the SN at 00:31 and at 00:41 she was still consious and saying "fuck fuck fuck" in a really low voice
. To me it sounded like she said this because there was some slight discomfort. And at 00:50 I was sure she was unconsious. So for her it took around 10-20 min untill she was unconsious.
Did it look like she was suffering?
I'm gonna be honest here. At first glance it did look she was suffering. There was allot of groaning and load noises. Allot of gasping for air. It kinda looked liked she was chocking. But this was very brief. It mostly looked like she was unconsious and her body was desperatly trying to get more air in her system. Which makes sense if you know how this method works. Ofcourse your body will try to get more air by inhaling very heavily. But this obviously does not work because the SN is depriving your body of oxygen
One thing I am unsure of is was she consious during all this? In general I was really suprised how fast this stuff worked. Only a few min after taking the SN she needed to lay down. And she def looked very peacefull after about 15-20min. i am sure she was consious up untill 00:41. So that means it took about 10-20min for her to fall unconsious.
Edit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_rattle A forum user noted that this was what i was seeing/hearing. After reading this. I think the method is even more peacefull then I orignally thought.
How did she look after you closed the videocall?
She had some make-up on. So I didn't see her skin or lips turn blue. Perhas it was the quality of the webcam. But her skin color looked normal. This could have changed after I ended the call.
Afterthoughts
A few notes we need to consider is that allot of methods are messy. If we look at jumping infront of a train, jumping off a building or shooting yourself. Then it's gonna be messy. I think in general this method is pretty quick and relatively peacefull. Suicide will always be a bit messy. And using this method atleast your body will be in one piece. If possible I would suggest getting N. But I think everyone knows that by this point.
You're reading this because getting N is not an option. And allot of people seem to be using this method. Originally I wanted to hang myself. After founding this forum and learning about SN. I wanted it to be my choice of CTB. After witnissing Moonie's CTB. I would still use this method. Unless I can magically get N. I think this method isn't the best. But if you look at how easy it is to all the stuff and how fast it is. Then this is def a method to consider.
Moonie if you're reading this. Thank you so much for being my friend during your last days. I had allot of fun with you. And I will remember forever. As promised I will set up the wishing balloon tonight and watch it fly to the moon.
Kind regards Lotus1818,
