thankyou
Thank you 🙏
- Mar 2, 2023
- 64
FINE for f*ck sakes I'll live.
Im staying alive because my partner would literally die if I died. I just can't do it to them. They're so sweet and innocent, it's taken me almost 30 years to be genuinely loved. I can't ruin their life with the tragedy of my death, I don't have it in me.
Additionally, I've decided to dedicate my life to being nonserious. Im not over mourning the version of myself I thought was possible, but my plan to just "stay busy" everyday while getting preparations to CTB has made me want to stay.
I have no all-encompassing purpose for staying alive. I wake up. I feed my cats. I struggle with my disability. I make dinner. I watch tv. I depend on others care because I cannot care for myself. But I work out. I've begun to make hideous art. I've decided to start being delusionally social too.
Im very limited. My life isn't very great but it's not bad, right now at least. I got over the initial shock of my hopeless adulthood, once I realized how disabling my disability actually is. I will absolutely entertain the idea of CTB again because I'm weak. I will not fight terminal illness for example, for this life I live.
Suicidal people deserve dignity. Modern healthcare (at least in America I know) completely fails mental healthcare. Therapy isn't a fit for everyone, esp patients like me who are simply too disabled to thrive under capitalism. Therapy cannot help everyone, but it can gaslight everyone. Inpatient is often cold, dark, and even more damaging. Furthermore, the reality is that some humans have suffered too horrible fates and suicide makes logical sense. These people deserve dignity, they deserve people who will LISTEN to them instead of automatically casting away into looney bins.
I am a total reject in society. I have no career, social life, family, talent, ability to have kids…. I'm severely disabled with autism, have a traumatized past, and people don't like me more often than not. I spend most days in my enclosures and I won't mentally age past a certain point. But I guess I'll stay.
I am glad I waited to CTB. I am thankful for this forum! I am comforted by the SN I keep.
And for all the negative press this forum has, I only encountered the nicest people. Everyone here was so kind, validating, and nobody was actively encouraging me to CTB. Every suicidal person deserves to be heard, not automatically cast away, and those who do CTB, deserve to do so with dignity and minimal pain.
If you're considering CTB, please sit on the decision. Please consult others here on how to minimize pain. If you're a child, please wait until you're grown up.
Thank you SS. I hope to never post here again. But if I do, thanks for being here.
Im staying alive because my partner would literally die if I died. I just can't do it to them. They're so sweet and innocent, it's taken me almost 30 years to be genuinely loved. I can't ruin their life with the tragedy of my death, I don't have it in me.
Additionally, I've decided to dedicate my life to being nonserious. Im not over mourning the version of myself I thought was possible, but my plan to just "stay busy" everyday while getting preparations to CTB has made me want to stay.
I have no all-encompassing purpose for staying alive. I wake up. I feed my cats. I struggle with my disability. I make dinner. I watch tv. I depend on others care because I cannot care for myself. But I work out. I've begun to make hideous art. I've decided to start being delusionally social too.
Im very limited. My life isn't very great but it's not bad, right now at least. I got over the initial shock of my hopeless adulthood, once I realized how disabling my disability actually is. I will absolutely entertain the idea of CTB again because I'm weak. I will not fight terminal illness for example, for this life I live.
Suicidal people deserve dignity. Modern healthcare (at least in America I know) completely fails mental healthcare. Therapy isn't a fit for everyone, esp patients like me who are simply too disabled to thrive under capitalism. Therapy cannot help everyone, but it can gaslight everyone. Inpatient is often cold, dark, and even more damaging. Furthermore, the reality is that some humans have suffered too horrible fates and suicide makes logical sense. These people deserve dignity, they deserve people who will LISTEN to them instead of automatically casting away into looney bins.
I am a total reject in society. I have no career, social life, family, talent, ability to have kids…. I'm severely disabled with autism, have a traumatized past, and people don't like me more often than not. I spend most days in my enclosures and I won't mentally age past a certain point. But I guess I'll stay.
I am glad I waited to CTB. I am thankful for this forum! I am comforted by the SN I keep.
And for all the negative press this forum has, I only encountered the nicest people. Everyone here was so kind, validating, and nobody was actively encouraging me to CTB. Every suicidal person deserves to be heard, not automatically cast away, and those who do CTB, deserve to do so with dignity and minimal pain.
If you're considering CTB, please sit on the decision. Please consult others here on how to minimize pain. If you're a child, please wait until you're grown up.
Thank you SS. I hope to never post here again. But if I do, thanks for being here.
