I had one of those devastating heartbreaks where u felt addicted to the person. It did not start out right. I met him because I was an escort. So the sex too soon thing creates problems right away especially if u have like very high attraction and the chemistry is good. I was hooked before I even realized I was hooked lol! I'm just relieved I'm not like thinking about it anymore and can move forward. It took about 5 months to get to this point but during those months I was so suicidal from the rejection and losing interest in everything. My motivation to live was gone. I didn't feel like I would ever get over it. I totally understand why people suicide over heartbreak. It doesn't have to be years with someone to get really hurt. The biggest piece of advice I can give is if u meet someone you find very attractive no matter what circumstances. Do not have sex with them for at least 3 months of knowing prior. This is especially a rule for women, because for us sex is more emotionally impactful whereas for men casual sex is less impactful on average. They don't experience the same impact that women do. I'm not saying there aren't men who don't get emotional over casual sex but they can typically compartmentalise and cut off emotion and just have sex with u with no attachment about it. It's more common for men to do this. For women each time this happens if u have casual sex it will become harder to bond to the next partner. At least if u wait till u are sure the person actually likes u, u don't have to put yourself at as high of risk for something like this. I would tell guys to do the same. If u actually want a relationship than don't pursue hookups. You might really like the girl a lot at first because she's giving u sex but then u realise you are not actually compatible for anything long term. This why people move from failed relationship to failed relationship. You have to look at people as a longterm investment. Anyway. I know many people already know this stuff and even I knew but that doesn't mean I was great at putting into practice.
Glad you're moving forward! I think heartbreak is underestimated, as far as traumatic life experiences go. People tend to minimize it by saying things like, "there are other fish in the sea" and in that moment, that's just something that won't reach you. But a bad heartbreak can scar someone for a long time, sometimes even for life.
To add to your advice, because I too have been in that "addictive" relationship, I think anyone who feels their relationship is addictive should tread carefully, which I recognize is easier said than done when in the throes of new romance. But I do think it goes further than just sex, though that can certainly play a part. I would advise people to not let anyone undermine their self worth. My ex was someone who would invalidate me, minimize my accomplishments, and ignore my advice or opinions until it came from someone else. It was addictive because I got addicted to those few moments where they would validate me, and I fell into a pattern of trying to be what they wanted, at whatever cost to myself. Naturally, when we broke up, I questioned why I should even live without them because I had molded myself in their image. It's a dreadful experience, but one thing that I found really useful for helping me avoid something like that ever again was learning about adult attachment styles. It's hard to change, and it's about impossible to change anyone else, but learning about what patterns you're apt to fall into in relationships can be really useful for scrutinizing new suitors and your long term happiness.
Anyway, well done for pushing through the hurt. You're on your road to healing, and you ought be proud of yourself because it's definitely not easy. Hugs. Stay strong, remember you're beautiful and wonderful, and feel free to reach out if you need support.
To add to your advice, because I too have been in that "addictive" relationship, I think anyone who feels their relationship is addictive should tread carefully, which I recognize is easier said than done when in the throes of new romance. But I do think it goes further than just sex, though that can certainly play a part. I would advise people to not let anyone undermine their self worth. My ex was someone who would invalidate me, minimize my accomplishments, and ignore my advice or opinions until it came from someone else. It was addictive because I got addicted to those few moments where they would validate me, and I fell into a pattern of trying to be what they wanted, at whatever cost to myself. Naturally, when we broke up, I questioned why I should even live without them because I had molded myself in their image. It's a dreadful experience, but one thing that I found really useful for helping me avoid something like that ever again was learning about adult attachment styles. It's hard to change, and it's about impossible to change anyone else, but learning about what patterns you're apt to fall into in relationships can be really useful for scrutinizing new suitors and your long term happiness.
Anyway, well done for pushing through the hurt. You're on your road to healing, and you ought be proud of yourself because it's definitely not easy. Hugs. Stay strong, remember you're beautiful and wonderful, and feel free to reach out if you need support.
WinterFaust
Shimmer
- Apr 13, 2020
- 412
I'm so happy to hear that you've gotten over the heartbreak! It truly is one of the worst things people can go through.
Things ended really badly with my ex last year due to my poor mental health. When I was finally in a more stable mental space and able to begin processing the damage and the loss, it really broke me. This was someone I was best friends with for ten years, together for 3, engaged, etc. They were my entire world and I already felt like I didn't deserve them when we were together and then they cut me out of their life completely. I understand why. I wasn't well and there's only so much people can take. But... I really lost it. Triggered the worst depressive episode of my life. I was a complete wreck.
I'm just now really starting to get over it, a year later and I feel embarrassed by how long it took and the fact that I couldn't get over it. Everyone kept telling me to move on and get over it. My family didn't even want me to mention my ex's name after a while. It also didn't help that I'd lost my friends as well so I didn't have any support. I'm still embarrassed about it.
Other people seem to eventually thrive after breakups. They get a new job, workout, move to a new apartment, hang out with friends, gain new hobbies. My ex is undoubtedly thriving somewhere out there. Meanwhile, I'm just now trying to pick up the pieces of my life now that I feel a little better. It's hard.
I'm sorry, I ended up venting and not really saying anything constructive. I'm sorry about that.
Things ended really badly with my ex last year due to my poor mental health. When I was finally in a more stable mental space and able to begin processing the damage and the loss, it really broke me. This was someone I was best friends with for ten years, together for 3, engaged, etc. They were my entire world and I already felt like I didn't deserve them when we were together and then they cut me out of their life completely. I understand why. I wasn't well and there's only so much people can take. But... I really lost it. Triggered the worst depressive episode of my life. I was a complete wreck.
I'm just now really starting to get over it, a year later and I feel embarrassed by how long it took and the fact that I couldn't get over it. Everyone kept telling me to move on and get over it. My family didn't even want me to mention my ex's name after a while. It also didn't help that I'd lost my friends as well so I didn't have any support. I'm still embarrassed about it.
Other people seem to eventually thrive after breakups. They get a new job, workout, move to a new apartment, hang out with friends, gain new hobbies. My ex is undoubtedly thriving somewhere out there. Meanwhile, I'm just now trying to pick up the pieces of my life now that I feel a little better. It's hard.
I'm sorry, I ended up venting and not really saying anything constructive. I'm sorry about that.
My ex is undoubtedly thriving somewhere out there. Meanwhile, I'm just now trying to pick up the pieces of my life now that I feel a little better. It's hard. <~ yea this is where I'm at now. This guy wasn't even my boyfriend that's why it's even more embarrassing that I could get so delusional or that hurt over it. I knew rationally that I was with someone who was not committed to me and didn't genuinely care about me. Yet I still got really messed up.
WinterFaust
Shimmer
- Apr 13, 2020
- 412
I know the feeling, especially the embarrassment. We really connect to other people, you know? That kind of thing is not about logic or reason. It's about how you feel and how the other person makes you feel. It's always an incredibly vulnerable space to be in. And you're human, you're allowed to get hurt over someone "who wasn't even" your boyfriend. I think we can be so hard on ourselves when it comes to things like this.
Deleted member 17331
The swan sang with a broken neck
- Apr 21, 2020
- 376
Reading this hurt a little… I never had a 'healthy' experience in sexual intercourse, and I don't think I ever felt pleasure in a sexual relations. I had traumatic experiences and I have a history of abuse (physical and sexual) in my childhood and adolescence, but I felt some kind of connection with a boy some time ago. It was very fast, but it was the first time that I felt something so strong for someone. In the beginning, he respected me... But over time, he started doing unpleasant things and no longer respected the places where I was not comfortable being touched. After a month, he broke up our relationship, saying that he asked me out on impulse… I think I understand his choice, but I felt completely destroyed. I just felt like a momentary pleasure, I felt very stupid and I still feel like something simple to be discarded. My relatives said that I deserved all this pain and that the boy just wanted fuck me. And I don't know, I just know that I don't ever want to feel so fragile and stupid again, because I feel like something really died inside me. I think I had put most of my little hope into a complete stranger.
This year I also experienced the worst heartbreak! I mean, I'm still young, and it's really not bad at all but I'm in a bad mental place and I have an ongoing work that seems like it will never ends.... and then my best friend, whom I'm completely platonic with, started getting closer to me and it almost seem like we're going to have something to try between us. Or maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself, because the very next week he decided that he's in love with someone he met online. This person got him so whipped it's ridiculous. He disregards everything his friends says about that person and spends all his energy dealing with them, as a result he ignores me when I need him the most.
I've been feeling heartbroken for six months on top of already mildly suicidal. It hurts so much that my stress almost doesn't feel like anything compared to this and I don't have anyone to talk to because our relationship (if there were one) is not socially acceptable, so I can't tell anyone. And I know that it's dumb and usually I will get over someone in a short time, but this one got me bad.
My best friend loves me so much and I know he cares about me even if we're not romantic. But god damn it, now I understand how people could kill themselves out of heartbreak. Shit hurted, man. I hope everything goes well and better soon for people in this thread. Thanks for reading my vents (also sorry!).
I've been feeling heartbroken for six months on top of already mildly suicidal. It hurts so much that my stress almost doesn't feel like anything compared to this and I don't have anyone to talk to because our relationship (if there were one) is not socially acceptable, so I can't tell anyone. And I know that it's dumb and usually I will get over someone in a short time, but this one got me bad.
My best friend loves me so much and I know he cares about me even if we're not romantic. But god damn it, now I understand how people could kill themselves out of heartbreak. Shit hurted, man. I hope everything goes well and better soon for people in this thread. Thanks for reading my vents (also sorry!).
Yes whatever u do don't have sex with any guy for at least 3 months of knowing. Then u can weed out the ones that just want to use u for sex. Its hard to know someone in just a few dates. Don't have sex with any guy who u aren't sure u are willing to have a kid with. Because that risk is there, especially for young women who are easily gotten pregnant. I wouldn't put all my faith into birth control. It does fail.
Last edited:
Good4Nothing
Unlovable
- May 8, 2020
- 1,865
Can't wait to get over mine... any day now, stupid brain!
Deleted member 17331
The swan sang with a broken neck
- Apr 21, 2020
- 376
Yes, I don't want to be involved with anyone anymore. And I never want to have children, ever. Although I think that people don't have sex just in order to raise a child... But I think I was able to understand your message.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I'm no where near being over my ex girlfriend. I honestly dunno if I do want to get over her either. I guess part of me still believes there's a chance at reconciling.
Last edited:
Deleted member 17949
Visionary
- May 9, 2020
- 2,238
I'm not totally over it I guess. I just feel iam able to think of other things now. That intense grieving and longing period is passing.
Similar threads
Discussion
Entitlement and incels, femcels, everyone.
- Forever Sleep
- Offtopic
Offtopic
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Suicide Discussion
chester