Venting Finally Located SN

[housemd]

Ive finally discovered a source of sn , and it should arrive soon , in which case I will finally take it and finally make peace with my suffering ive been through abusive parents as well as bullying and lack of closeness in friendships and relationships , no matter how much i improve whether it be looks in the gym , interests , humour and introspection and therapy even going on SNRIS to emotional numb myself hoping it would dim my depth and hoping i would be able to stop feeling so lonely and being able to finally have friends were it feels equal and relationships that dont end with my 3 month curse due to me feeling too much and ive already lost so many people and cant replace them and konwing that if i just had my qualities but was a different person none of this would have happened i am just unlovable and broken no matter how much i try to fix it, but please for anyone else out there i dont think suicide is the right choice for you please rethink it and consider maybe life will get better , i may be broken but you arent. I just hope that reincarnation isnt real because i dont want me to be a hurtful person in my next life or lack the maturity that made me do the right thing and care about others , its my fault im just unlovable and cant translate those traits into success i am ultimately too much for anyone and no one will ever develop feelings for me or consider me best friend. After 2 years of suicidal thoughts ive decided to give up. I hope it is quick and that i hurt nobody with my suicide.