Finally doing what feels right for me..

[someone.somewhere]

Hi
I'm finally getting ready to ctb.
I just wanted to tell someone, anyone really.

I've decided that there isn't anything more for me to do in this life, I've tried hard enough and would much rather just rest now…
I'm tired of living for others only because they view suicide as selfish. I cannot keep living only to spare a few people from pain or shock. My pain is valid and therefore I have finally decided that now is as good a time as any to do it.
I guess I finally realized that I'm allowed to be selfish, for once.

Plus, I really have tried to get better.. Over half of my life has been spent in therapy, on meds, self-improvement, inpatient, outpatient and so forth. I'm even working on my second degree right now, because people always tell me "it gets better" or "you just need to do something your passionate about".
Well, maybe it works for some, but I'm too tired to stick around for that. Some little part of me probably wishes it was different, but I'm not going to prolong my life any longer based on the possibility that one day I'll magically wake up and suddenly enjoy life.

At this moment I have everything ready for my main method and I'm in the process of getting my backup sorted.
I've dropped out of all my exams this week, because honestly.. why would I take those if I'll be dead.
I've ordered plane tickets to go see a friend of mine one last time.
And as a gift to myself I got a solo trip overseas to go see a concert with one of my favorite bands.
All that's left now is just to decide the final date and to book a hotel room to get some peace and quiet.

For the first time in a very very long time I actually feel a bit happy almost, I feel like I can finally relax a little and try to enjoy the things around me. I just feel content.. i also feel slightly proud of myself for finally doing what feels right for me! Because why should I struggle for the rest of my life, worrying about what comes after me, when that honestly should be none of my concern.

So yeah, that's how I'm doing. :)

 

[Lucilius]

Selfish? In the planet, of bullies, rapists and predatory capitalism we live in is killing yourself "selfish"?

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

In a world of people making false "rape" accusations in order to play a victim of course I wouldn't want to be part of it hahah. Good for you for taking care of yourself and not getting worried about other people …. I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make. Take care of yourself

 

[OceanBlue]

I've tried hard enough and would much rather just rest now
<...>
but I'm not going to prolong my life any longer based on the possibility that one day I'll magically wake up and suddenly enjoy life.

That makes sense, it looks like you made peace with it. Hope you enjoy your last trips.

In a world of people making false "rape" accusations in order to play a victim of course I wouldn't want to be part of it hahah.

Where did you come out of, troll.

 

[Justnotme]

I understand you ... In fact, in the case of suicide, the term "egoism" cannot be applied from one side or the other. Killing yourself is just as selfish as asking a person to live so as not to feel the pain of losing that person. Therefore, this "dispute of egoists" is useless. Egoism is not here. I wish you a peaceful journey into the unknown where we will all go someday

 

[someone.somewhere]

Selfish? In the planet, of bullies, rapists and predatory capitalism we live in is killing yourself "selfish"?

i agree that there are many things in this world, which in theory could be seen as far worse than just "offing" oneself.. but no matter who i seem to discuss suicide with irl most people have end up calling it selfish or even cruel, saying how its not considerate to those left behind.. sucks really, but thats just my experience

That makes sense, it looks like you made peace with it. Hope you enjoy your last trips.

Thanks, i really look forward to them!

I understand you ... In fact, in the case of suicide, the term "egoism" cannot be applied from one side or the other. Killing yourself is just as selfish as asking a person to live so as not to feel the pain of losing that person. Therefore, this "dispute of egoists" is useless. Egoism is not here. I wish you a peaceful journey into the unknown where we will all go someday

Thank you so much for this<3

 

[FuneralCry]

Instead I think that expecting people to suffer against their wishes until they die anyway would be the selfish and cruel thing. None of us are obligated to delay the inevitable and wanting suicide will always be logical in this dreadful world so other people's opinions on this should never matter. I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of being gone, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Solitudeseeker]

the world is working against us more and more,i really hope you finally find the peace and quiet,this is far from selfish i can assure you,the people who say this are the ones who struggle to put themselves into others shoes. its selfish that people expect to push people towards a life they simply dont want to live,i know its not all through ill intention but hey, hope you have a good time too hon