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W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
These 4 months have been kinda hell for me because I used to live alone in my own apartment until I tried to CTB (obviously failed) and I was forced to move with my parents in order to be monitored 24/7. (the other option was worse, a psych ward so, NO, THANKS.)

The thing is, I can't drink alcohol, meet girls, smoke weed and so on anymore, I mean, I love being a lonely person and I really need to be alone, and not being able to do that, makes me even more depressed everyday but today...
TODAY...FINALLY...
MY PARENTS LEFT ME ALONE AT HOME UNTIL TOMORROW!


So, my plan is to get drunk AF and then I'd love to CTB but I'm too lazy to do it and the only option around seems to be partial hanging or something gore and truth be told, I don't feel like doing so.

I know, I kinda suck because I've gained my parents' trust after so long and now I'm gonna get a bit out of control but what the hell? I need some "happiness" once and for all. (yes, just some alcohol, loud music and cigarretes are more than enough now.)

Is anybody out there also suicidal but lazy to do so? I mean, I managed to at least try it some time ago but now it's just mentally exhausting to think about it.


Note
: This is not a goodbye thread. I won't CTB even though I'm really thinking about it so you'll see me around as usual.

Hugs to you all,


Matt
 
Last edited:
ecmnesia

ecmnesia

the only thing humans are equal in is death
Aug 30, 2020
767
at least that will somehow testify to them that you are "better" so maybe they will give you more space and freedom from now on, which can be useful in a future moment if you feel like going on with ctb.

sending lots of hugs. glad you can breath some fresh air :hug::happy:
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
at least that will somehow testify to them that you are "better" so maybe they will give you more space and freedom from now on, which can be useful in a future moment if you feel like going on with ctb.

sending lots of hugs. glad you can breath some fresh air :hug::happy:

Thanks a bunch! You're right! Living with them is really tough but I'm finally getting the permission both from my parents and therapist to be alone at least one day. I hope I can live fully alone soon and then I'll be able to make a proper CTB plan.

Lots of hugs for you and cheers! This beer is really cold! :D
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
Hey, just try to enjoy your day alone and I'm pretty sure you will be able to get more days alone in the future! Sending hugs :hug: :hug: :heart:


That sounds like a great investment! I will! Ty a lot! =)
 
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Reactions: sadworld
Gromit-CTB

Gromit-CTB

time for ctb
Nov 14, 2020
847
I was going to say same as @ecmnesia your parents will see that you can be trusted as this will give you more freedom even going back to live alone. Use this time to enjoy yourself and maybe make future plans. Hope you can at least have some peace in the 24hours of freedom
 
waterstrider

waterstrider

cold
Nov 29, 2020
400
Sounds like you need to plan how to ctb first. Better enjoy your free time with just booze today and think about the ifs and hows more in-depth.
There will a next time if you proved to your relatives that you are behaving yourself and doing nothing stupid.

Have fun, Matt. Cheers!
 
Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
I think it's so sad that you have to go through all this trouble to be able to CBT. This is why I wish the right to die was widely accepted, and I don't think it's idealistic or impossible, but it's something that would take a lot of work and decades to start becoming true. For now I'm happy that you finally found some time alone and I hope that everything goes well with finding more space to go peacefully.
 

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