Final plan

[bigj75]

Ultimately ill ctb but before i do. i have to do some good in this sick twisted world. I'll take anti depressents, performance enhancing drugs, etc. so i can be at my best (no worry about long term consequences because I'll off myself before then). I'll give it a solid year of donating my time to help animals, people with depression, fight criminals, etc. i just cant go by knowing what i know about the world without trying to make it better first. once a year goes by ill call it done and ctb quietly somewhere. I'll die knowing i helped the best i could.

 

[Kyrok]

Admirable. I'm doing the same. Suicide is a terrible thing to waste.

We should all use our remaining tolerance for life helping to make someone else's life more liveable.

 

[RM5998]

Well, the best way for me to help people would be to stay away from them. Most of the people I get to know tend to do that anyway, so... Yeah. Knowing that you can live alone doesn't remove the need for companionship, for community, for someone who can understand what you are.

There's things that I can do, but other people are way better than me at them. My life has been a pointless mistake, and I'm sorry if you had to suffer being around me.

 

[not_a_robot]

Well, the best way for me to help people would be to stay away from them. Most of the people I get to know tend to do that anyway, so... Yeah. Knowing that you can live alone doesn't remove the need for companionship, for community, for someone who can understand what you are.

There's things that I can do, but other people are way better than me at them. My life has been a pointless mistake, and I'm sorry if you had to suffer being around me.

Last time I decided to be a dogooder I start sending food aid to Haiti monthly. Four months later, earthquake.
I have the Satan-touch.

 

[Soul]

Ultimately ill ctb but before i do. i have to do some good in this sick twisted world. I'll take anti depressents, performance enhancing drugs, etc. so i can be at my best (no worry about long term consequences because I'll off myself before then). I'll give it a solid year of donating my time to help animals, people with depression, fight criminals, etc. i just cant go by knowing what i know about the world without trying to make it better first. once a year goes by ill call it done and ctb quietly somewhere. I'll die knowing i helped the best i could.

Bravo, @bigj75. That's a right way to go.

 

[Idorus]

Great to hear bigj. You might finally even become an end of life counselor and your background in psychology doesn't hurt with that. Ofcourse I'm talking here from a dutch perspective where we have some tens of those counselors.They advice you about methods and all that. It might take a while before it's a more common thing worldwide.

 

[irrelevant_string]

That's quite admirable of you.
To be honest, I'm not sure how altruistic my intentions are. If I lived long enough to get a decent job, I'd probably use most of the money for donations, but I'd probably do it just to feel like I have some purpose. Since I really don't enjoy anything anymore, I wouldn't spend much on myself anyway.

Well, perhaps being emotionally detached is a positive thing since it leaves more space for making rational decisions. I remember my 13 year old self being so distressed when I saw an extremely ill dog in a park near my house. He was so starved that he couldn't stand at all so I decided to bring him food every morning.
All I did was prolong his miserable existence but at the time it never occured to me that what I was doing was selfish.

Perhaps a good thing to do is donate to Dignitas or a similar organization and become an advocate of assisted suicide.

 

[JoeFailure]

Ultimately ill ctb but before i do. i have to do some good in this sick twisted world. I'll take anti depressents, performance enhancing drugs, etc. so i can be at my best (no worry about long term consequences because I'll off myself before then). I'll give it a solid year of donating my time to help animals, people with depression, fight criminals, etc. i just cant go by knowing what i know about the world without trying to make it better first. once a year goes by ill call it done and ctb quietly somewhere. I'll die knowing i helped the best i could.

Good on you. To see the good through all the cruelty and suffering. It does exist.

If there is a God or anything after, that's my hope for all of this, is that's the lesson.

 

[TAW122]

This is an noble endeavor and I'm glad that you are volunteering to help better the world before you go. I hope you are able to find peace in a year's time.

 

[bigj75]

i appreciate everyone's support. i just want to use what i have left for some good instead of just wasting it all.

 

[oopswronglife]

I admire that you have he fortitude to do that whilst still suffering the pain that is pushing you to the bus stop
Most people don't care about others or have any empathy. But most suicidal people are the opposite because we know...we know.