Final Christmas

[neverever]

I have posted on other threads that I have been ready to go on previous days. Yet I'm still here. And I currently think that my date is December 27.

I am terrified as the date approaches. I hope that I can make mental peace before then.

If I am to go on December 27, then this will be my last Christmas. That thought comforts me more than it saddens me. There are potential good things in the future that I could miss by leaving this year, but there are mostly pain, suffering, and confusing cycles of light and dark, so I am relieved to be going.

If this is to be your last Christmas too, how do you feel?

 

[WornOutLife]

It's normal to be really anxious and nervous about it.

This will probably be my last Christmas too but I'll CTB next year. How do I cope with it? Well, I guess I just accept my fate. If I don't die, I will have to stay in this world just to suffer so, I'd better CTB soon.

 

[greyhound]

Last Christmas for me too. I have been going up to the tree and smelling it more than usual.

 

[Fehler]

Same feeling, just thought ctb between 27-28, or later. The idea is not to go beyond the first week of January. I don't know how you will have it but "Christmas dinner" is going to be very hard for me.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

I have posted on other threads that I have been ready to go on previous days. Yet I'm still here. And I currently think that my date is December 27.

I am terrified as the date approaches. I hope that I can make mental peace before then.

If I am to go on December 27, then this will be my last Christmas. That thought comforts me more than it saddens me. There are potential good things in the future that I could miss by leaving this year, but there are mostly pain, suffering, and confusing cycles of light and dark, so I am relieved to be going.

If this is to be your last Christmas too, how do you feel?

this will likely be my last christmas but i am not going until next year. christmas always makes me sad these days so I'm just sad as i usually am. not more sad than usual.

 

[yive]

If this is to be your last Christmas too, how do you feel?

irritated, angry, sad, anxious, but determined

 

[Arthaniel]

I have posted on other threads that I have been ready to go on previous days. Yet I'm still here. And I currently think that my date is December 27.

I am terrified as the date approaches. I hope that I can make mental peace before then.

If I am to go on December 27, then this will be my last Christmas. That thought comforts me more than it saddens me. There are potential good things in the future that I could miss by leaving this year, but there are mostly pain, suffering, and confusing cycles of light and dark, so I am relieved to be going.

If this is to be your last Christmas too, how do you feel?

I'm in the same situation. My mom is getting Christmas geared towards not coming, that's the last thing keeping me from CTB right now. It will be a very difficult Christmas for me ...

 

[TAW122]

This would have been my last Christmas too but I had a turn of events so I'm sticking around (for now) until the late future. If you do not feel ready to, then it is fine to back out and you don't need to feel pressured at all to follow through. I had times where I could and would have went through, but a significant pivotal event kept me from going through with CTB. Anyways, I hope you find peace in whatever you choose doing.

 

[Fragile]

It depends on a single event that will happen in early 2021, a bet, if you will. And I'm ready to accept it either way even if it's just going to prolong the inevitable should I get a result that I can bear live with, but this one definitely feels like the last one.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

It's my hope this will be my last christmas, i don't see halloween coming.

 

[Ae54rge]

I've completely avoided Christmas the past 3 years living alone with my phone off, doors locked and curtains shut it is lovely, I've had my last and now I don't even remember it.

 

[death137]

I can't say for sure but I doubt I will see Christmas (ours is in January 7). I want to ctb the coming Saturday but as the day approach fear might make me to postponed it. I hope not but we will see. I feel very trapped.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm only staying alive because of Christmas. I didn't want my family to be troubled during the holidays. The season means a lot to them and I want them to be okay during it all. I'm waiting until it's all over and leaving in mid-January. This way, they'll also have a lot of time to grieve prior to next Christmas, so maybe they won't feel as sad during the 2021 holiday season.

 

[greebo6]

Will be my last one. (January CTB date)
I feel numb about it.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

It depends on a single event that will happen in early 2021, a bet, if you will. And I'm ready to accept it either way even if it's just going to prolong the inevitable should I get a result that I can bear live with, but this one definitely feels like the last one.

Pretty much this. Unless something major occurs in 2021 which will drastically change my situation, this is my last Christmas. I wanted to make a bunch of yummy dishes but got tired so I plan to just pretend like it's any other miserable day.

 

[Adamsnolife]

This will be my last Christmas. Can't see myself waiting till next one

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

If the pandemic is going to continue to go on then I will probably CTB.

 

[Merlay]

I want this to be my last Christmas, too. Just thinking that this battle inside my head will finally end brings comfort and relief to me.

 

[grungeCat]

I hope this Christmas will be my last one. I'd like to die as soon as possible but I'm just not ready yet. Being anxious about death keeps me vegetating here. Like if I subconciously wanted to be saved lol. But there's no other way out. It will be the first Christmas in my life that I won't spend in my family house and I am completely alone. My mother is dead and nobody else want to invite me for Christmas. Guess bottle of booze will be my only company.

 

[awfullife]

I hope this Christmas will be my last one. I'd like to die as soon as possible but I'm just not ready yet. Being anxious about death keeps me vegetating here. Like if I subconciously wanted to be saved lol. But there's no other way out. It will be the first Christmas in my life that I won't spend in my family house and I am completely alone. My mother is dead and nobody else want to invite me for Christmas. Guess bottle of booze will be my only company.

Sounds rough. Mine will be identical (w/o the booze I'm alcohilic)
My mom is gone too. I miss her loads. My life is shit and I hate it.

"It will get better"

No it wont.

Well at least we will have SS on Christmas

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

I want this to be my last Christmas, too. Just thinking that this battle inside my head will finally end brings comfort and relief to me.

i understand how you feel regarding the battle in your head. it's so hard and painful!

Sounds rough. Mine will be identical (w/o the booze I'm alcohilic)
My mom is gone too. I miss her loads. My life is shit and I hate it.

"It will get better"

No it wont.

Well at least we will have SS on Christmas

@awfullife @Max_Sin my mom is gone too. makes the holidays extremely rough. i hate it soooo much. i'm sorry that you guys lost your mom's too.

 

[sadworld]

Might be my last christmas too and it also feels like it. I don't have any date planned but I feel like it could happen early 2021.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Might be my last christmas too and it also feels like it. I don't have any date planned but I feel like it could happen early 2021.

The news about the delayed vaccine rollout has crushed my soul. I can't stand another few months on lockdown world. I'm not angry at the government for it, they are doing the right thing but its tough even on those who try to do the right thing, stay inside, follow the measures etc.

 

[NegativeSymptoms]

Last Christmas for me too.

 

[neverever]

Wishing everyone a good Christmas, whether or not it is to be the last.

 

[niebla]

I also think it will be my last Christmas, I had planned to end everything on December 31 just before entering the new year, somehow I feel calm and nostalgic but I can not help the fear, I'm just doing things that make me happy and keep me calm

Sounds rough. Mine will be identical (w/o the booze I'm alcohilic)
My mom is gone too. I miss her loads. My life is shit and I hate it.

"It will get better"

No it wont.

Well at least we will have SS on Christmas

I have been in your situation several times, just think that it is one more day do not give it importance do something that makes you happy if you plan to die at least be happy in your last moments

 

[awfullife]

This may be my last Christmas. The plan is to take my kids to a theme park / water park for a long weekend in the spring. I need to obtain some life insurance soon so that they are ok on funds. Then i'll be ready to have a bad accident at work. If that doesn't cut it, then I will impulsively CTB via gun after the 2 year life insurance clause is up.

Only thing that could fuck me is if I have the bad accident and am left a vegetable or something. That would suck

 

[adam&eve]

I Being anxious about death keeps me vegetating here.

Damn, I hate that too... I hate living yet I am so afraid to die, I hate myself for it!!

 

[bornfree]

I have posted on other threads that I have been ready to go on previous days. Yet I'm still here. And I currently think that my date is December 27.

I am terrified as the date approaches. I hope that I can make mental peace before then.

If I am to go on December 27, then this will be my last Christmas. That thought comforts me more than it saddens me. There are potential good things in the future that I could miss by leaving this year, but there are mostly pain, suffering, and confusing cycles of light and dark, so I am relieved to be going.

If this is to be your last Christmas too, how do you feel?

every single day if i die today then tomorrow will be a better day. There's no other way.

I'd be happy dead. I'd be safe dead. The (monsters who call themselves the) human race can't hurt me again. They can't make me want to die again. They have no power over my life. They can't force anything on me or take anymore or ruin anymore. I don't need to fight anymore or worry or drag myself through another day of proof that i can only be safe dead. I will be at peace and i will never see anyone ever again.

It would make me happy for this to be my last Christmas on the planet.

 

[rabbithole]

Should be my last. I plan to ctb soon because I can't take living anymore. Yet I'm very scared to die. So I'm stuck.