Final Christmas

[NodusTollens]

This needs to be. I can't take it anymore.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

This is my last Christmas as well. I woke up today and pet my cat and wished her a Merry Christmas and whispered "I'm sorry this will be our last one" and then cried. I'm trying to put on a brave face and hold out until the end of the year. But I don't see myself making it far into 2021.

Right now I'm just sitting in the tub watching videos on my phone and quietly crying. I lock myself in here often. I'm just doing my best to keep moving until I CTB. I wish I could appreciate my lasts more.

 

[grungeCat]

Damn, I hate that too... I hate living yet I am so afraid to die, I hate myself for it!!

Ikr, it's awful. However lately my mental state worsened pretty badly and I guess my time finally is coming. So I stopped taking venlafaxine - antidepressants only mess up with my brain, they're like these life-support machines which keep terminally ill people alive. They only extend the suffering and make it more difficult to leave. Withdrawal is pretty exhausting but alcohol seems to ease up the pain a little bit. I should be ready in a few days.

 

[rs929]

Ikr, it's awful. However lately my mental state worsened pretty badly and I guess my time finally is coming. So I stopped taking venlafaxine - antidepressants only mess up with my brain, they're like these life-support machines which keep terminally ill people alive. They only extend the suffering and make it more difficult to leave. Withdrawal is pretty exhausting but alcohol seems to ease up the pain a little bit. I should be ready in a few days.

You should taper the Venlafaxine, the withdrawal can be a nightmare

 

[grungeCat]

You should taper the Venlafaxine, the withdrawal can be a nightmare

Nah, f**k this. It's barely 3rd day and honestly it's unbearable. Withdrawal just hit me like a train, vomitting, headaches, my muscles has terrible cramps, I can't think, I can't drink water without throwing up. My heart is racing, my whole body is twitching. I barely can type and see the screen. What was I thinking god damn it. I knew it won't be pleasant but I didn't realise it's that bad. I thought it's something that just make me feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's a f*****g nightmare. I guess I won't be ready in a few days then as I have to do it slowly. Nevermind.

 

[rabbithole]

Nah, f**k this. It's barely 3rd day and honestly it's unbearable. Withdrawal just hit me like a train, vomitting, headaches, my muscles has terrible cramps, I can't think, I can't drink water without throwing up. My heart is racing, my whole body is twitching. I barely can type and see the screen. What was I thinking god damn it. I knew it won't be pleasant but I didn't realise it's that bad. I thought it's something that just make me feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it's a f*****g nightmare. I guess I won't be ready in a few days then as I have to do it slowly. Nevermind.

Coming off venlafaxine is next to impossible. Did it twice and it was horrible both times. Lots of vertigo, migraines, nausea. Bleh. Hope you're okay.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

I didn't expect to be my last. I thought I was getting better.
And then everything came down exactly on day 25.
Purchased sn again.
Not going to give life another chance.
I wish that I've gone when I had the chance, didn't need to go through more pain

 

[Ragtime piano]

I empathise with all of you who are suffering from and feeling you need to CTB before next Christmas. I've made 4 or 5 attempts over the past 15 years and ended up in pysch wards being given a variety of (to my mind) useless treatments. Right now I'm in a more balanced place but will always have anxiety issues and a lot of guilt/regret over the past. Clearly after my various failed attempts I'm not the go-to guy for advice on checking out but I can offer non-judgemental support and reassurance that life can get better. Be kind to yourselves guys. If that means lying in bed all day then do so. Love and peace

 

[lonerclown666]

I am sure it will be my last too i hate christmas but i hate new years eve more

 

[Cherrypea]

I hope this is my last Christmas and I feel relieved that I won't have to go through another one, pretending all the time.

 

[sweater]

I hope this is my last Christmas but I guess we'll see, huh?
I suppose I had good feelings towards Christmas as a kid but as an adult I have no good memories or feeling towards this holiday. Last year I was assaulted and this year I spent the entire day in bed. I ended up taking a large amount of seroquel in a sort of half-assed attempt but the most it did was keep me sleeping for a LONG time.
we'll see if I make it to next Christmas. I'm not sure if I want to.