spellbound
My Great Guilt
- Apr 25, 2026
- 97
I think that there are a few select attributes about a person that are immovable, that is if they were to change, then it would create an entirely new person.
For exemple, if I was blonde i it'd still be me yk, hell I could be a girl, or I could've been born in the 70s or not be so awkward and I'd still feel like it'd be me.
But other attributes about me can't be changed. There's no version of me that ain't ugly, no version of me that don't love cinema, no version of me that ain't suicidal, or is not lazy and so on. If such things existed, then they would not be an alternate me. They would be an entirely new person.
Where I'm getting at is that I feel like one of my core attribute is that I am dead. Don't say I have cotard syndrome btw. But I feel like being dead is a very important part of me and that's why I feel so weird all the time, like it's all fake. There's a gap between what I truly am and what I'm living. Which means I'm another than myself. To be myself again, I have to kill myself. And it's very important that I die by suicide.
In short, I think I'm a gravestone, someone to be remembered by others and then forgotten. I shouldn't have ever actually lived. Suicide is my essence
For exemple, if I was blonde i it'd still be me yk, hell I could be a girl, or I could've been born in the 70s or not be so awkward and I'd still feel like it'd be me.
But other attributes about me can't be changed. There's no version of me that ain't ugly, no version of me that don't love cinema, no version of me that ain't suicidal, or is not lazy and so on. If such things existed, then they would not be an alternate me. They would be an entirely new person.
Where I'm getting at is that I feel like one of my core attribute is that I am dead. Don't say I have cotard syndrome btw. But I feel like being dead is a very important part of me and that's why I feel so weird all the time, like it's all fake. There's a gap between what I truly am and what I'm living. Which means I'm another than myself. To be myself again, I have to kill myself. And it's very important that I die by suicide.
In short, I think I'm a gravestone, someone to be remembered by others and then forgotten. I shouldn't have ever actually lived. Suicide is my essence
