wannafly
Release
- Dec 4, 2020
- 95
Hey guys, been a while since I posted I think at least - but I wanted to talk about how I've always felt depressed. I remember as a youth I always felt anxious, scared of my own parents if they were mad about anything I did, and how I never wanted to do anything. I still feel this way. I always have. I tried checking Reddit about this and they tend to mention trauma, but through years of different therapies and medications, the only one that truly made me feel better I got more and more allergic to.
I've got drug abuse history, probably all of them besides H & injection ones (at least for now), and my med history knows this. So I assume that my doctors will never prescribe me benzos or opiates.
I'm currently given stuff for adhd, severe depression & anxiety, panic attacks. Mainly I care about the panic attacks, anxiety & depression. It's reoccurring and this hasn't ever stopped besides when I'm with a girl & we're in a honeymoon period. Besides these times I'm always severely paranoid and worried about everything, you name it. I work, a lot. I have a couple friends & I struggle to talk because you know, nobody wants extra problems.
I've had exercise phases, been fitter & bigger, there's but it's always just trying to fix this psychological depression that never alleviates.
Is my doctor maybe glossing over or missing something? In the UK, they rush everything. It's been online the past few years with traffic blocking appointments and messages.
Propranolol which I've had in the past and now at a higher dose currently 40mg, is doing little to nothing for me. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope as I have done since I was about 11 (as far back as my memory actually reaches).
In therapy we just never reach back to any reasoning or root in order to solve anything. I've paid & tried free, and tried like 15 different ssri/SNRIs.
What is going on here? Is there anything I should try before just going to N? Because I'm at a point where I don't care if my family find me in my room. Or outside. God knows.
I keep getting into alcoholism and addiction due to the depression because every time I get fully sober for a year or more, nothing improves. I don't want to do longer because I'm happier, more confident and in general better socially with them. It feels like I'm not normal & that it's ridiculous for so many people to live this way if this is simply life.
I've got drug abuse history, probably all of them besides H & injection ones (at least for now), and my med history knows this. So I assume that my doctors will never prescribe me benzos or opiates.
I'm currently given stuff for adhd, severe depression & anxiety, panic attacks. Mainly I care about the panic attacks, anxiety & depression. It's reoccurring and this hasn't ever stopped besides when I'm with a girl & we're in a honeymoon period. Besides these times I'm always severely paranoid and worried about everything, you name it. I work, a lot. I have a couple friends & I struggle to talk because you know, nobody wants extra problems.
I've had exercise phases, been fitter & bigger, there's but it's always just trying to fix this psychological depression that never alleviates.
Is my doctor maybe glossing over or missing something? In the UK, they rush everything. It's been online the past few years with traffic blocking appointments and messages.
Propranolol which I've had in the past and now at a higher dose currently 40mg, is doing little to nothing for me. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope as I have done since I was about 11 (as far back as my memory actually reaches).
In therapy we just never reach back to any reasoning or root in order to solve anything. I've paid & tried free, and tried like 15 different ssri/SNRIs.
What is going on here? Is there anything I should try before just going to N? Because I'm at a point where I don't care if my family find me in my room. Or outside. God knows.
I keep getting into alcoholism and addiction due to the depression because every time I get fully sober for a year or more, nothing improves. I don't want to do longer because I'm happier, more confident and in general better socially with them. It feels like I'm not normal & that it's ridiculous for so many people to live this way if this is simply life.
