Feelings of homicide

[goodoldnoname923]

I wish i could die more than ever because now my feelings of hate and resentment towards the one i love are becoming increasingly worse

The feelings of betrayal abandonment and even questioning certain actions and decisions they made…i'm getting more and more of these prominent thoughts and visions of wanting to kill them as revenge for how they made me feel for what they did to me

But i still feel a sense of guilt and sadness pain wash over me…when i think about these things hesitation…but how long is it before my mind fully snaps and i do something…this is why i feel i need to go but I can't find a way i don't want to deal with the pain and panic i don't want to survive with brain injuries…i want to succeed

 

[CountingSeconds]

I wish i could die more than ever because now my feelings of hate and resentment towards the one i love are becoming increasingly worse

The feelings of betrayal abandonment and even questioning certain actions and decisions they made…i'm getting more and more of these prominent thoughts and visions of wanting to kill them as revenge for how they made me feel for what they did to me

But i still feel a sense of guilt and sadness pain wash over me…when i think about these things hesitation…but how long is it before my mind fully snaps and i do something…this is why i feel i need to go but I can't find a way i don't want to deal with the pain and panic i don't want to survive with brain injuries…i want to succeed

You need to try and focus on you. Instead of framing it as "THEY made me feel this way", position it as "I felt this way because".

We are all wronged in our lives, God knows I have been by so many people since the day I was born, but at the end of the day hurting others will bring no peace. This might sound contrite but if you are having these thoughts I would very strongly recommend speaking to a professional.

 

[rozeske]

Taking it out on someone else is not going to give you the courage to kill yourself nor is it going to remove the doubts you have about failed or painful attempts.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

You need to try and focus on you. Instead of framing it as "THEY made me feel this way", position it as "I felt this way because".

We are all wronged in our lives, God knows I have been by so many people since the day I was born, but at the end of the day hurting others will bring no peace. This might sound contrite but if you are having these thoughts I would very strongly recommend speaking to a professional.

I've been getting therapy for months and it has barely helped,it's not even about finding peace I genuinely feel my mind is going to snap not care and go through with it and it teafies me its slowly comint down to this…i wish i could die before i hurt anyone else because i know how destructive i am

Taking it out on someone else is not going to give you the courage to kill yourself nor is it going to remove the doubts you have about failed or painful attempts.

It's not about courage its about me losing my mind if i snap which i'm afraid will happen thats it…it terffies me

 

[momento.mori]

So you're saying you feel that you may possible hurt those who hurt you if you don't be successful in your attempt? Can you explain what they have done if you don't mind sharing? I just woke up and I have time if you want to talk.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

So you're saying you feel that you may possible hurt those who hurt you if you don't be successful in your attempt? Can you explain what they have done if you don't mind sharing? I just woke up and I have time if you want to talk.

I need someone to kill me genuinely because my mental state is getting worse and worse to a point i may do something stupid,and i would rather not explain it would not make me feel any better at all

I just looked at price for tickets to where they live ffs

 

[momento.mori]

I think you should keep talking on here until those feelings subside. Trust me you don't want to spend the rest of your life in prison! The best thing you can do is cut off all ties with them! I understand you not wanting to talk about, I'm sure we all have stories. If you want to hurt yourself that's your decision but please don't hurt anyone else. It sounds like they aren't close to you since you stated you were looking up airline tickets so they are no direct threat to you. One of my favorite things to do when my mind won't let me forget all the scrappy stuff is put on my headphones and listen to music, audio book, podcast, etc. Whatever that will help me take my mind off those memories. You should try it and see if it helps.

 

[rozeske]

So you are looking for an explicit step by step guide of how to kill yourself or better yet for someone to come and kill you themselves so you don't endup Killing the person that made you want to kill yourself? Is that it?

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I think you should keep talking on here until those feelings subside. Trust me you don't want to spend the rest of your life in prison! The best thing you can do is cut off all ties with them! I understand you not wanting to talk about, I'm sure we all have stories. If you want to hurt yourself that's your decision but please don't hurt anyone else. It sounds like they aren't close to you since you stated you were looking up airline tickets so they are no direct threat to you. One of my favorite things to do when my mind won't let me forget all the scrappy stuff is put on my headphones and listen to music, audio book, podcast, etc. Whatever that will help me take my mind off those memories. You should try it and see if it helps.

I just need to die…they were an extremely important to me and on top of everything else That has gone on and goes on in my life I can't see a live without them and it's been driving me mad for months i've been trying to CTB but every effort and attempt ends in failure

 

[momento.mori]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to feel like this, I'm sorry for everything they have done to you! I understand you no wanting to go on. Do you have method, any plans?

 

[AkaRed]

I need someone to kill me genuinely because my mental state is getting worse and worse to a point i may do something stupid,and i would rather not explain it would not make me feel any better at all

I just looked at price for tickets to where they live ffs

You might have to consider some form of voluntary admission to a clinic if you are actually considering taking somebody else's life. I don't know your situation, but the wording makes this sound relationship based. I'm sorry for whatever you are struggling through right now, but I can promise this is not the way. :<

<3

 

[goodoldnoname923]

You might have to consider some form of voluntary admission to a clinic if you are actually considering taking somebody else's life. I don't know your situation, but the wording makes this sound relationship based. I'm sorry for whatever you are struggling through right now, but I can promise this is not the way. :<

<3

I genuinely don't think a clinic would help,it wouldn't stop me feeling attached to this person as i've felt like this for months its only recently slowed turned to resentment and this

 

[AkaRed]

I genuinely don't think a clinic would help,it wouldn't stop me feeling attached to this person as i've felt like this for months its only recently slowed turned to resentment and this

I mostly say it because if you are feeling homicidal towards another person for whatever reasons, you will end up facing a lot of dangerous consequences if you go through with this. Taking somebody else's life is almost never worth it, especially not when emotionally charged. If you feel you're going to do something irrational, you might need to genuinely consider taking control away from yourself for the time being until you get your situation in check.
It's not just dangerous for you, but others, too.

<3

 

[momento.mori]

Are you talking about 1 person or a few people?

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Are you talking about 1 person or a few people?

One person…I genuinely may have to open my options for ctb'ing

 

[momento.mori]

Have you ever thought about voluntarily admitting yourself to psych? I think until those homicidal thoughts are gone that will be best. Is that something you can do now? I'll stay and talk to you until you get there.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Have you ever thought about voluntarily admitting yourself to psych? I think until those homicidal thoughts are gone that will be best. Is that something you can do now? I'll stay and talk to you until you get there.

It's fine i'm just going to make sure i die so i don't worry about it genuinely i'll be fine

 

[momento.mori]

I'm just trying to help. I'm here if you need me

 

[vampire2002]

i can definitely relate to this very much. so many times i've though of committing a murder-suicide with the man who abused me and my brother as kids. it feels unfair, like he's scum who doesn't deserve to live a happy and free life after what he did to us. i've contemplated murdering him since i was about 12 years old, standing over his bed with a knife while he slept.
i (obviously) never actually did it, and unfortunately i don't think i actually will. part of me just wants to outlive him so i can go to his funeral and tell everyone all the horrible abusive things he put me through without fearing him again, because i am still terrified of him after all these years. but i think i might ctb before he passes, so hopefully he'll feel a little bit of guilt about that. probably not though, because he's selfish and manipulative human waste.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I wish i could die more than ever because now my feelings of hate and resentment towards the one i love are becoming increasingly worse

The feelings of betrayal abandonment and even questioning certain actions and decisions they made…i'm getting more and more of these prominent thoughts and visions of wanting to kill them as revenge for how they made me feel for what they did to me

But i still feel a sense of guilt and sadness pain wash over me…when i think about these things hesitation…but how long is it before my mind fully snaps and i do something…this is why i feel i need to go but I can't find a way i don't want to deal with the pain and panic i don't want to survive with brain injuries…i want to succeed

In this case, you will need to call 911 so they can admit you to a psych unit. Last thing we need is murdering people. Please do not do it.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

In this case, you will need to call 911 so they can admit you to a psych unit. Last thing we need is murdering people. Please do not do it.

I'll be finding a way to commit myself don't worry and 911 wouldn't do anything ^^' not the right service based on my location

 

[karmaisabitch]

I'll be finding a way to commit myself don't worry and 911 wouldn't do anything ^^' not the right service based on my location

I'm so sorry that you feel that way! I don't have HI but I'm still CTB it's just too difficult to live nothing is making me happy I'm miserable

 

[Goku Black]

@goodoldnoname923 a lot of the users in this thread have provided support and good information on what options you may explore if you are seriously considering any of the actions you've expressed thus far, I hope you continue to use this as a way to express yourself till those thoughts are at least subsided and start to chart a path to feeling better.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

@goodoldnoname923 a lot of the users in this thread have provided support and good information on what options you may explore if you are seriously considering any of the actions you've expressed thus far, I hope you continue to use this as a way to express yourself till those thoughts are at least subsided and start to chart a path to feeling better.

Yea and I appreciate them for that,genuinely i feel like these feelings have gone away now thankfully i'm just afraid of them reoccurring but again hopefully i can manage them in an alternate fashion and I appreciate all the help and support i've gotten

 

[Goku Black]

Yea and I appreciate them for that,genuinely i feel like these feelings have gone away now thankfully i'm just afraid of them reoccurring but again hopefully i can manage them in an alternate fashion and I appreciate all the help and support i've gotten

That's good to hear then, better to express your thoughts here than be with them alone, learned that recently so I felt like it made sense here.