Venting Feeling weird

[platypusfan]

I talked about my anhedonia in a few posts before but today I met someone online and we talked for so long.. and i was actually able to connect and hold a conversation. And it did not feel negative. Now i am wondering if connection is the cure to my anhedonia. But at the same time it feels like one of those false hope things, those tiny little things that stop me from finally moving forward with a method. And everytime I connect with someone I fear they will not like something that they find out about me, especially if we meet online. I mean look, after what should be a positive thing the first thing I do is come here. I hate this feeling it is so conflicting. But also maybe at university I will find someone. Or at least I hope. I know I shouldn't look for a person to fix something like this but i can't feel anything else. And if it all backfires.. i will move up my date. If I really am someone who can't connect with people I will feel better when I ctb because it wouldn't be worth living for me personally. I feel like the next few moments in my life will really determine life or death. Anyways, just ranting.

 

[HappyForever?]

Connection is magic. Before I found my ex I was drowning in suicidal thoughts. After I found her I was cured instantly. The months I spent with her was the happiest time in my life. It turned out connection was all I needed. I can't say the same for you, but I hope you find someone who connects with you and accepts you for who you are.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's cruel how people suffer all through no fault of their own but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward, good luck.