Feeling so low

[Raven2]

I just need somewhere to put my thoughts. From the minute I wake up to the time I go to bed my brain is flooded with negatives thoughts. I just cant deal with it. I'm tired of having no joy in my life. I really dont have anything to look forward to it's just an endless cycle of wake up, go to work, come home feeling lonely and go to bed.
Years ago I had everything I could have wished for but my mental health ruined it all. I had a mental health breakdown and theres no way back to my old life.

I am stuck. I dont have close friends just a couple of people I'll see a few times a year. I'm so lonely. I've been single for a few years now and dont really know if I'm mentally sound enough to have a relationship but I crave the closeness you have being with someone. I miss just having a hug and knowing that person has your back no matter what. Its soul destroying being this lonely. I have family and they are aware of my suicidal thoughts but they cant help me get rid of them.
I wish I could go back in time. I want to go but I cant even get hold of my preferred method anymore.
Sorry for the random post.

 

[SVEN]

All I can say is that at least, on this Forum, Fairydust is more than a screen name. There are so many on here who relate to your pain and distress. Here at least you can vent openly and honestly with no fears of judgement or condemnation. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Raven2]

@SVEN thank you for replying. I have seen your posts around the forum and you always say sweet things to others

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that there really is no real relief from suffering in this cruel world, it certainly does sound so tiring what you have to go through but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[SVEN]

We are all screaming silently in our own, lonely, despair FD. Not always realising that we are at least together, though separate, in our loneliness. Strange that a Forum such as this, which non comprehending pro lifers would seek to take down, can be the very crutch which can support us to limp through another dreary day in a life we wish to end.
It may be easier sometimes to not fight these horrid negative thoughts, it is so wearying and hopeless. Better maybe just to accept them, let them pass and be nothing at all yourself. Just someone who used to be someone else. Now, just a quiet, sweet shadow hiding quietly inside the mask you wear until, presently, someone sees who you are in there.
Please be gentle with yourself, wee FD.

 

[Raven2]

I find it to difficult to fight the thoughts and just let them be. But its mentally draining. I just go round in circles with them.