Venting Feeling physically like garbage

[painfree]

I know it's mostly my fault but I'm so tired of feeling like shit. Physically and emotionally. I have no energy which is probably because I don't eat well but I've been like that for over a decade. I was spoiled for 15 years and had someone cooking for me.(was a death not divorce, so it's not bitterness talking) I am self sufficient for anything, except I absolutely hate cooking, plus I hate eating alone. I lie to everyone that I make do but I'm sure I look like shit. I can't afford to not eat or I crash and feel worse. It doesn't help they have me on drugs that make me feel worse. But over time this is just wearing me out and giving me the extra nudge to figure out how so I can ctb faster. As much as I'd prefer sn, might be faster to think of a high spot in the city and just drive. My zopiclone will remove my inhibitions.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, it sounds awful. Also sorry you lost your partner, seems from the information you give that they were wonderful and I imagine you probably cared for each other. I hope you find a way out of this situation, whether that be getting better or finding an exit.

It doesn't help they have me on drugs that make me feel worse.

What do they have you on that makes you feel this way?

 

[painfree]

Oh I have your typical cocktail going but the culprits (I think) are 2 antidepressants and they want to add a third bc 2 alone are doing the trick but I don't want the third. As far as I'm concerned they want to numb my brain and depression because they can't fix the underlying problem, pain. And what I have for pain (injections) feels like I'm having a heart attack and vomiting at same time. Sometimes twice a day. Over 10x mth and even then it's not enough. But absolutely nothing else works. Yes he made me love life but then spent 8 years suffering the effects of 5 craniotomies which broke his personality completely. Then died of a heart attack at home.