Ksmиda

Ksmиda

Have I died too soon or lived too long?
Oct 23, 2023
187
To me, the worst feeling is when you can't even feel depressed. As in you feel horrible and want to die but you feel nothing - feeling numb.
 
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hikikomorizombie

hikikomorizombie

Ouch
Jan 15, 2024
771
i felt like that for a long while but then i stopped feeling even the numbness, & now idek how to describe what state im in. i just react to stimuli now. make myself laugh when i need to & look/act upset or shocked when i need to. it sux not having that constant overwhelming anguish anymore, it was my driving force to ctb.

wish i could see a psychiatrist for 1 final diagnosis b4 i kms, help me understand a bit more of what's been happening to me.
 
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Mitsumi

Mitsumi

Student
Dec 23, 2023
108
I don't mind feeling numb because it helps me , I feel like I'm not myself, I'm watching from the outside and just don't care. When I'm sad for too long I feel very desperate and try to ctb if I have anything available.
 
Slow_Farewell

Slow_Farewell

Warlock
Dec 19, 2023
709
it's kind of a good thing for me.
it makes making decisions a bit easier, in a way, but i'd say it comes at a heavy cost.
 
H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,357
i felt like that for a long while but then i stopped feeling even the numbness, & now idek how to describe what state im in. i just react to stimuli now. make myself laugh when i need to & look/act upset or shocked when i need to. it sux not having that constant overwhelming anguish anymore, it was my driving force to ctb.

wish i could see a psychiatrist for 1 final diagnosis b4 i kms, help me understand a bit more of what's been happening to me.
I can relate, I think I'm in a similar state. So you think a pdoc could figure it out? I have serious doubts they can help me after dealing with six of them.
 
hikikomorizombie

hikikomorizombie

Ouch
Jan 15, 2024
771
I can relate, I think I'm in a similar state. I have serious doubts they can help me after dealing with six of them.
:o omg really?? no1 ever knows what i'm talking abt when i describe that to them.

& no, i doubt they'd be able to help in any meaningful way. after seeing therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, & counselors, i now view that stuff as a scam/mass placebo effect. i just wish i could get a final diagnosis b4 ctb so i'd have some type of explanation for it & things.
 
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H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,357
:o really?? no1 ever knows what i'm talking abt when i describe that to them.

& no, i doubt they'd be able to help in any meaningful way. after seeing therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, & counselors, i now view that stuff as a scam/mass placebo effect. i just wish i could get a final diagnosis b4 ctb so i'd have some type of explanation for things.
No one's ever understood when I've tried to explain it either. Now I'm so deep in it I barely can. I view them the same too.
 
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