Venting feeling like my death is near

[iamheresoareyou]

it's very difficult to have coherent thoughts right now
i am thinking about my suicide daily
i've been born very unfortunate having not the prettiest face and two rare conditions impacting my overall appearance
i could go on for hours on how ugly i look
i only found a boyfriend because he was desperate enough to be with me, he abused me emotionally and physically and he felt like it's nothing wrong because of the way i look
inside there's that part of me that seeks acceptance and hopes that someone can love me but i think it's pointless and there's nothing good waiting for me
i've been fantasising about going out the SN method
i have no issues getting the right meds and the substance itself
the only thing holding me back is fear of failure and eventual body noises while i would be unconscious and passing away

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a cruel, hellish world that we exist in and it certainly is horrific how so many people suffer so much through no fault of their own. I really do believe that humans are responsible for a large amount of the torment that sadly exists here and that is just the unfortunate reality. I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for, I believe that those who have the SN by their side right now are very fortunate.