Venting Feeling Like Human Repellent

[vanillamilkshakes]

I feel as if I somehow unconsciously drive everyone away. I've always struggled to form any kind of connection with another person. Most of the time, I feel invisible, as if I disappear, nobody would notice. I'm an outcast. I always told myself it would get better as I got older, but it seems to only be getting worse. I'm so tired of people being mean or judging, and even when I make a friend, my kindness always ends up being abused. I'm so tired of it all, and I'm only freshly 20.

 

[Nightfoot]

Have you ever been told you were "too nice?" The reason I ask is people perceived this way are often treated in the different ways you described. Some folks see niceness as easy pickings to abuse while others may not trust it as genuine and suspect that you're simply trying to manipulate them. Nice people tend not to react this way because they see it in themselves. Are you good at setting boundaries? Those who aren't may seem confusing to folks who are more comfortable knowing where they stand and what is or isn't acceptable. I may be completely off base, though. Sorry you're having such a difficult time.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Have you ever been told you were "too nice?" The reason I ask is people perceived this way are often treated in the different ways you described. Some folks see niceness as easy pickings to abuse while others may not trust it as genuine and suspect that you're simply trying to manipulate them. Nice people tend not to react this way because they see it in themselves. Are you good at setting boundaries? Those who aren't may seem confusing to folks who are more comfortable knowing where they stand and what is or isn't acceptable. I may be completely off base, though. Sorry you're having such a difficult time.

Not off base at all, and thank you for your kindness. I'm sorry life brought you to this website.

I should mention that I'm extremely introverted, and I know I can sometimes come across as blunt. It's only when I let my guard down that my kindness shows. People have told me I look grumpy or disinterested. (I also have a grumpy resting face, which doesn't help.) But that's not how I actually feel.

I have never been the most social individual; even growing up, I'd usually only interact with people at school. My mom was overbearing, but I'm aware that it came from a place of love, so I'm not really holding it against her.

And yes, I've been told that I'm "too nice." I understand why people might react that way. Since I don't socialise often, I can come on a bit strong when I do. I tend to put others' needs before my own and go out of my way to make people comfortable. I get that it can seem fake or over-the-top to some, even though it's not my intention.

I struggle with setting boundaries. Sometimes it's hard for me to tell if someone wants a friendship or is just being polite.