Venting Feeling Like a Ticking Timebomb That Needs to Be Defused

[Bartlebee]

I'm going to Hell. I'm being watched. Obvious, apparent from all of the patterns and shit that gets broadcast to me. It's like I'm the biggest lolcow ever, I'm the most disgusting pig criminal in the world. I'm being set up by myself, I'm selfish for thinking otherwise.

Art? Sucks. Music? Mediocre. Life? Sad. That's all. That's it. Rock bottom isn't rock bottom. It's a false floor, it's paper mache bullshit. There's layers and layers of low until you start to feel the kiss of the flames below. Fate worse than Death.

I wrote about this in my job. How I'm such filth, such fetted pig shit that even the cockroaches would avoid me. The flies would dry heave at the stench. Oozing mucus and rotted fat and guts. That's me, the loser - perpetual eyesore.

That's it, ranting and foaming at the mouth. No point? No point. This thread, all of the work I've made is gutter garbage. Scrapping the garbage bin sludge off with your teeth and getting it stuck in your gums like a disease. Ticking timebomb for when I see people walking next to me and suddenly I'm thumbing their eyes out. Pathetic weak pussy fat cunt retard faggot air sucking space stealing human waste, that's me. Edgelord. Cringe. Zoomer terminology.

Defusing the bomb before I do something stupid that makes me look like more of a dumbass than I already do AND gets me locked up in prison with the ass rapers and the shive stabbers ready to get their "weapon" lodged into me while I squeal for my Mom, for God. No answer.

I deserve to be tortured in a shipping container for months and months and to strangle on wire and drown in my own vomit for existing, for raping my Mother's eggs with my deformed, misshapen sperm like a cancer. I make myself sick with every salad I eat knowing its covered in dressing for a reason.

PIG FILTH LITTLE OINKERS LIKE ME DESERVE A BULLET TO THE HEAD AND BE TURNED INTO COMPOST. RAGING EYES STARING BACK AT ME LIKE SEEING SHIT ON A SIDEWALK. YOU SEE THIS WAILING, THIS MOANING, THIS CRYING? IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO BE MY MOTHER OR MY BROTHER!

Death won't heal this but its a start. I don't want to go to jail and be stabbed and raped. Raped and stabbed. Stabbed and raped. Raped and stabbed. And you don't squeal in prison, unless it's squealing in pain as your rectum gets violated or your organs get punctured with a razor on a toothbrush.

EVERYONE I LIKE HATES ME, ALL MY HEROES THINK IM WEIRD. EVERYONE WHO WALKS PAST ME SHOULD BE GIVEN REPERATIONS FOR HAVING TO GAZE UPON ME.

YOU CAN'T CALL A PIECE OF DOGSHIT SMEARED ON THE PATHWAY A NARCISSIST. NAME ONE NARCISSIST THAT WOULD GENUINELY WANT TO DIE. NAME ONE. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN CALL ME A MANIPULATOR, A LIAR, A THIEF, A SEX PEST, A DEGENERATE, AN ADULTER, A BLASPHEMER, A GLUTTON, ANNOYING, A FAGGOT, FAT CUNT, FATTIE, FAT BOY, OINKER, TUB OF LARD, RETARD, SPECIAL NEEDS, RACE MIXER, CUCKOLD, ATTENTION SEEKER, WHATEVER. THAT APL APPLIES, NARCISSISM DOES NOT.

I'll stop. I understand if this gets deleted.

 

[xi0ni]

what'd you do luuuulllll

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Can really feel the rage and repulse from your post, such violent emotions it's hard to know what to say.

I just feel like asking...what happened?

You can't be that horrible...

 

[silent.desperation]

Looked cute, might delete later...

In all seriousness, I'm sorry you're feeling tormented, it's palpable in your writing. I wish you nothing but peace...

 

[Bartlebee]

what'd you do luuuulllll

This is it. This is it. This is it.

Even here you can't pick off the leeches.

I'm referring to you in this, I'm referring to this mindset. Hopefully this place rubs off on you as well.

Mindless.

Can really feel the rage and repulse from your post, such violent emotions it's hard to know what to say.

I just feel like asking...what happened?

You can't be that horrible...

Looked cute, might delete later...

In all seriousness, I'm sorry you're feeling tormented, it's palpable in your writing. I wish you nothing but peace...

Thanks to you both for redeeming this forum. If I can't find people to truly absorb what I'm saying then I'd delete this account for good and truly spiral (drinking, violent acts, biting ears off, imprisonment, sexual assault).

But even in such a place you'll find the chicken shits, which shocks me to my core. These people are soulless husks. I'M THE REAL HUMAN BEING. I'M REAL, IT'S THESE FUCKING DEMONS TRYING TO UNDERMINE MY MESSAGES AND WRITINGS. IT'S THESE FUCKING MONSTERS LAUGHING AT ME RIPPING MY HEART OUT IN FRONT OF THEM. EVEN IN A KILL YOURSELF QUICK N' EASY FORUM YOU'LL GET PEOPLE WHO WILL LAUGH AND PISS ON YOUR SORRY ATTEMPTS OF SELF EXPRESSION - WE DESERVE NUKES, WE DESERVE CHILD SEX SLAVERY, WE DESERVE WAR, WE DESERVE FASCISM, WE DESERVE THE SULLIED, LIKE BOG TROTTING BLOATED HOLES FILLED WITH PUS AND SHIT THAT WE CALL OUR SOCIETY.

Outliers are always present, I suppose. Again, thank you.

 

[Bartlebee]

Whoa - I think that's a bit harsh for someone just asking why you feel this way. I don't think they're trying to be rude - I think they just don't know what else to say? The way you write is really over the top.. and I'm sure some might find it hard to take it seriously. I'm sorry that you're going through so much pain but resorting to self-deprecative rants and name-calling isn't going to get your point across, if that was your intention.

THIS IS HOW I WRITE. IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY BECAUSE NOTHING... NOTHING ONLINE WILL BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

My death won't be taken seriously, nor my art nor my music nor anything associated with me. Loser fucking retard edgelord, this person touched a nerve. I climbed a mountain only to slip and fall.

YOU GOT TO OVERWHELM THESE DEMONS. THIS DEMON WANTS ME ANGRY FOR THEIR OWN PLEASURE AND AMUSEMENT. I WILL CONTINUE TO TYPE HOW I WANT TO TYPE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER NO MATTER HOW MUCH IM MOCKED AND EGGED ON TO BITE A BULLET.

 

[Bartlebee]

<Response>

HOW DO YOU SYMPATHISE WITH SOMEONE WHO LAUGHS AT YOUR EFFORTS? HOW DO YOU TRY AND UNDERSTAND SOMEONE WHO POINTS THEIR FINGER AND LAUGHS AT YOU AND YOUR WRITHING PATHETIC EFFORTS TO PUT ABSTRACTS INTO LITERALS?

You can't. You're on uneven footing with these people. It's simple, they hate you and want you dead and dead and dead. The difference between them and the other psychos is that they'll laugh at every bone break, organ rupture, blood cough as you tumble down that spiky cliff face.

 

[Bartlebee]

You ignore them - just like every other heckler, nay-sayer and mean-spirited bully out there. You know why? Because we know how those people are created - and it's the same reason why you feel the need to lash out even now. Those people are only as hurt, confused, angry, fearful and broken as you allow yourself to be. You don't have to be like them. You do not have to stoop to their level. Let them laugh, what's important - is that you keep doing you regardless, that you don't let them get to you - because this kind of response is exactly what they want.

I can't disguise it anymore. I'm sick of turning the other cheek. They have the last laugh regardless. I can't have piss and shit chucked at me with a thousand voices laughing in unison at me while I think "Rent free..." in my head.

THAT'S COPE. NOT THE USE ZOOMER TERMINOLOGY BUT THAT IS COPE.

I can't run away. I can't be pussy about it. If I'm pussy with strangers I'll be pussy when I attempt to CTB. I'll have to prove that I can hold my own. This is training simulators.