Katatonia
Member
- Oct 2, 2025
- 30
It seems like no matter what i do ill never be good enough. I have a job, i graduated highschool, im getting ready to go to college, i have my license. But even with all that i still have trouble getting out of bed. And my family seems to hate that.
i only clean my room once a month, i only really eat when im craving something, and when i do get up i seem to be in everyones way constantly. Meanwhile my older brother gets to sit around, do nothing, and get praised and treated like hes the most wonderful child to ever be birthed. Ofc i love my brother but i feel neglected, and im sure my other two brothers feel the same way, unless im just overdramatic.
Even today, my grandma wasnt happy that i took so long in the shower. And on my way out of the bathroom i dropped a glass of water and broke it.
The glass ended up cutting my foot, and i felt like even more of an inconvenience to my grandma. That feeling mixed with the blood gave me an urge to relapse on SH.
I had been thinking about relapsing for a while. The only thing holding me back was that with how ugly i am i didn't wanna be even more unappealing to people (Not that i think scars are ugly but society doesnt agree). But i dont really care anymore, i wear long sleeves to work anyways. And maybe if i had something to keep me occupied it would keep me from constantly wanting to kill myself. Is it a terrible habit, yeah, but i just need something to distract me.
i only clean my room once a month, i only really eat when im craving something, and when i do get up i seem to be in everyones way constantly. Meanwhile my older brother gets to sit around, do nothing, and get praised and treated like hes the most wonderful child to ever be birthed. Ofc i love my brother but i feel neglected, and im sure my other two brothers feel the same way, unless im just overdramatic.
Even today, my grandma wasnt happy that i took so long in the shower. And on my way out of the bathroom i dropped a glass of water and broke it.
The glass ended up cutting my foot, and i felt like even more of an inconvenience to my grandma. That feeling mixed with the blood gave me an urge to relapse on SH.
I had been thinking about relapsing for a while. The only thing holding me back was that with how ugly i am i didn't wanna be even more unappealing to people (Not that i think scars are ugly but society doesnt agree). But i dont really care anymore, i wear long sleeves to work anyways. And maybe if i had something to keep me occupied it would keep me from constantly wanting to kill myself. Is it a terrible habit, yeah, but i just need something to distract me.
