Help feeling guilty and selfish

[if_i_make_it]

i'm in a tough position. im about to be homeless and i am also very ill. i've asked many family members, my mom, my aunt, my grandparents, if i could stay with them and all of them turned me away, just saying they don't have room or couldnt manage it. i have a peer support as well, who has been fantastic at trying to help me, but the resources just aren't there. the thing is I really do enjoy so many things about life. theres so many little things that have enamored me and made the life im forced to live bearable. but being homeless and chronically ill…the grief of losing my home, my comforts, my doggy… ive been straddling the line for a long while. even if i had somewhere to stay, itd be kicking the can down the road. i really think i would like just to rest forever now. ive fought so much and im tired. im sad for the life i'll be missing out on, but i think that life was never really in the cards for me. i don't want to ruin my family, my mother especially will struggle. at the same time, everyone's abandoned me and turned their backs to me…yet i still feel the need to protect them from what kind of life that has lead me too.

I think i need to make this decision for myself. my sn arrives on the 11th, so i'll reevaluate then.

 

[geepeedee]

whatever you decide, i hope you find peace.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

thats so sad :( i pray you find stable housing soon. youre a nice person, im sorry this capitalist hellscape failed you

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

"I am a people-pleaser, but the fact is I cannot please everyone, and can only control the things I can control— which as my mother would tell me: I can't bullshit a bullshitter, for 'bullshit recognizes bullshit'. Therefore, if that makes me a liability, why should I live?
If I die, I die; though my father, mother, and even the whole world forsake me, the Lord will surely bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)"