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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
Hi Everyone
Today I feel very apathetic towards life. I feel apathetic towards life in general today.
I feel as though if someone held a g*n at my head, I wouldn't care if they pulled the tr*gger.
When I have my Derealisation and Depersonalisation episodes I worry slightly, when I'm deeply sad and despondent I worry slightly. . About myself. However today I don't care if I lived or died. I'm not worried.
Does anyone here feel this way at times?
This is the state I would use to tap out. .... And I'm not worried.
Sorry for sounding so maudlin
 
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nicetomeetu

nicetomeetu

Phantom of the Past
Jan 4, 2021
26
I feel like this pretty much everyday. Cant stay sober too long or else I go cray cray.
But I guess a way to feel apathetic is by actually trying to care...?
Might not make sense but, thats what I do.
I hope the rest of your day goes better.
Much love man
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
Thank you for your kind words. Yes to feel apathetic means that I cared at some point. I'm trying to stay off alcohol as I used to be an alcoholic. It's just that I have a health condition that also contributes to me feeling apathetic sometimes. When the human body goes without something it desperately needs to function.... In my case sleep.... Then apathy always follows. I hate feeling this way.
much love back to you and I hope I can shake this feeling off.
thank you!
 
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seho_j

seho_j

Member
Nov 12, 2018
68
I feel like this sometimes, too. Sometimes, I feel too strongly, but sometimes I feel apathetic as you are. Like I'm on autopilot and I don't really care where I'm headed. For me it is only sometimes that I feel that way, so it's manageable. I really hope it gets better for you!
 
BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
I hope it passes my lovely. I get apathetic, but I have a weird trick to overcome it. And its not Derealisation and Depersonalisation, just common or garden ennui.
thank you very much. I'm starting to come out of it now anyhow I just feel exhaustion. I'm feeling like the complete opposite now. I feel like crying. I feel frustrated and angry. I've tried to get some rest today and my mind just won't shut up. I worried about so much and there's no respite from it. I despise insomnia with a passion be cause all it does is take. Just like the government.
I feel like this sometimes, too. Sometimes, I feel too strongly, but sometimes I feel apathetic as you are. Like I'm on autopilot and I don't really care where I'm headed. For me it is only sometimes that I feel that way, so it's manageable. I really hope it gets better for you!
Thank you. Tomorrow I will probably feel differently... I am feeling differently already now... Like screaming with frustration. I usually feel things strongly because of my BPD... But sometimes I just don't feel a thing and I become a risk to myself as in this state i could just CTB. Yes it's like an autopilot feeling. It's a lot more as if I just don't care any more. Thanks for being so kind.
 
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issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
Find things you enjoy again. Hell I play this video game I really like for hours on end. I look forward to playing it now and I guess thats a step in the right direction. This could be anything, a show, a game, a hobby, a midnight jog to clear your head. Food that you enjoy. Anything that makes you look forward to your day. Recovering is always baby steps but if you keep at it you'll noticed you walked a marathon eventually.
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
Find things you enjoy again. Hell I play this video game I really like for hours on end. I look forward to playing it now and I guess thats a step in the right direction. This could be anything, a show, a game, a hobby, a midnight jog to clear your head. Food that you enjoy. Anything that makes you look forward to your day. Recovering is always baby steps but if you keep at it you'll noticed you walked a marathon eventually.
thank you and yes I have hobbies. I keep Invertebrate s and Snakes and they are my world. The thing is when I get like this with the apathy... I feel like I should take the opportunity to CTB as it is such a numb feeling that I get. I wouldn't care about death or pain or anything.
I'm worried about some stuff and sometimes I want to escape quickly. The alternative is far too scary to stick around for. But I'll try hanging in there just until spring or summer. Then something sharp may push my hand. I'm glad that you have some good hobbies that you like too. Love and peace to you!
 
issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
thank you and yes I have hobbies. I keep Invertebrate s and Snakes and they are my world. The thing is when I get like this with the apathy... I feel like I should take the opportunity to CTB as it is such a numb feeling that I get. I wouldn't care about death or pain or anything.
I'm worried about some stuff and sometimes I want to escape quickly. The alternative is far too scary to stick around for. But I'll try hanging in there just until spring or summer. Then something sharp may push my hand. I'm glad that you have some good hobbies that you like too. Love and peace to you!
You've already taken a step in the right direction with your invertrebates and snakes. Anything else you might be interested in? I noticed I need constant distractions and escapes to stop the apathy. What's got you so worried if I may ask? if it's personal I totally understand but maybe you can think it through if you talk to somebody? My dms are always open. Hoping for better days for the both of us. :heart: :hug:
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
You've already taken a step in the right direction with your invertrebates and snakes. Anything else you might be interested in? I noticed I need constant distractions and escapes to stop the apathy. What's got you so worried if I may ask? if it's personal I totally understand but maybe you can think it through if you talk to somebody? My dms are always open. Hoping for better days for the both of us. :heart: :hug:
Thank you very much! I like walking, reading, watching good Box sets, music. at the moment I'm watching a series called " Loudermi!k "But I'm finding it hard to concentrate on much at the moment. My family are pretty much useless and not really supportive. I find it rreally hard to snap out of the apathy unless a strong emotion comes along.
Thank you for the offer. I might take you up on that. Xxx
what I'm worried about is some really upsetting information that has upset me for a long time. I've tried telling some people about it, but not a lot of people are interested. IRL. I feel that I've been holding onto it forever. Like 12 years. It's been quite the burden.
thank you once again for the advice!
 
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