Venting Feeling confused and regretful

[XKZyn]

I want to ctb yet I'm so scared, terrified of what comes after I die. I want to live so I can experience some things I want to experience again but I'm too afraid and too lazy for this life. I wish my Gramma raised us for independence rather than being dependant on her. I feel a lot of regret, shame?

I wish I could experience love while I'm young, I hate how I've wasted my youth and squandered any future opportunities for myself. I hate how self-destructive I am.

I want to experience love but I don't even know if I'd like it, love is a complicated emotion that I struggle with. I don't necessarily love my family or friends, I used to but in recent years I don't know what it means to love someone or how it's meant to feel. Is love that warm feeling you're supposed to feel in your chest, that feeling you get when you laugh? I care a lot for my family and some friends but I can't ever bring myself to say I love them, or I love you back to them. I wish I had some drive or purpose, I desperately want purpose. Without a purpose I'm drifting along life, without motivation I can't find my purpose. I wish I had a second chance at life so I can try to do things right the second time, even if it were just five years back. I wish I could've done things right. I'm stuck. Do I ctb or suffer in this long game of life? Suffer for a chance at happiness? My family won't ever be fixed so wouldn't it just be empty in the end? Won't these memories of mine always haunt me, will their words stay stuck in my head, will I stay stuck with this loneliness for life? This aching yet comforting loneliness of mine. This hopeless feeling is stuck with me? Can I hope for something better, or am I forever trouble like she said?

 

[fedup1982]

Life has a way of throwing curve balls. They can be for the better, or for the worse. It's undeniable that where there is life, there will be some suffering. But if you ride the waves, you can get further than you might think. Sometimes our imagination can be limited. Don't limit your future highs to what your imagination is limited to. Sometimes you just need to take a chance, and ride the good waves when they come your way.

Dying is hard. HARD. Often it's easier just to live. So if you're going to live, you might as well be optimistic, paddle towards the good waves, then ride those bitches like they owe you love, fortune and contentment.

 

[Nightfoot]

I'm sorry you are suffering so. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Galam]

Life has a way of throwing curve balls. They can be for the better, or for the worse. It's undeniable that where there is life, there will be some suffering. But if you ride the waves, you can get further than you might think. Sometimes our imagination can be limited. Don't limit your future highs to what your imagination is limited to. Sometimes you just need to take a chance, and ride the good waves when they come your way.

Dying is hard. HARD. Often it's easier just to live. So if you're going to live, you might as well be optimistic, paddle towards the good waves, then ride those bitches like they owe you love, fortune and contentment.

Some people have a great life with so much love and die easly by cardiac arrest or go to sleep like always and get a bloody brain. It is unfair, it is not us yet.

For us dying is hard because our body is ok but the people around attack us for things they see as ill and we cannot just kill them and move on. We are here but can't live the life we want because others make sure we can't. I always survived in the shadows and it was for nothing, just because it could be.

 

[fedup1982]

Some people have a great life with so much love and die easly by cardiac arrest or go to sleep like always and get a bloody brain. It is unfair, it is not us yet.

For us dying is hard because our body is ok but the people around attack us for things they see as ill and we cannot just kill them and move on. We are here but can't live the life we want because others make sure we can't. I always survived in the shadows and it was for nothing, just because it could be.

Im sorry people are attacking you for things they see as illness, that's not right. I think the best thing to do in our position is to just love as well as you can, let that be its own reward, and don't hold onto bad feelings for other people because they are the way they are and nobody can really change that. Just protect yourself if you can and move on if you can.

We're both hoping for a kind natural death now I think, but there isn't much choice but to try and make the best of it we can