BehindTheWorld
Member
- Jan 10, 2024
- 9
i feel like i'm always naturally going to be pushed away. throughout my whole education i've always been a loner unable to get to know anyone. everyone else seems to just naturally connect with one another, while i've always felt left out. as if people just have internal negative feelings about me that prompt them not to be around me.
at college or work i always feel as if people think of me as a nuisance before speaking a word to me. i can't help but notice how i'm treated differently, especially when it comes to customer service. so many times have workers given me attitude and were passive aggressive with me for seemingly no reason.
i've been told that my speech, body movements, and eye contact are unpleasant and that it comes off as very awkward when i try to put myself out there cause of it. and also that my appearance is uncanny which sounds worse than ugly.
i'm clumsy too and inept when it comes to any work with hands. academically i have a tough time applying what i've learned and i tend to do the most illogical things in life. the instances i can think of at the top of my head just from the other day are: trying to fit in the menu book into the napkin holder (with napkins in it) at a restaurant which caused the waitress to take it out of my hand, as if i was a little kid. and also when she asked me to pass her the sugar i took out a single packet not realising she meant the entire holder. the first things that come to mind for me always differ from others'.
all of this has made me feel more and more secluded and just being around people in public has been causing me heavy stress. i've garnered a lot of pent up hatred towards myself wishing i was more fitting and not so "impaired" as my mom and dad like to put it.
at college or work i always feel as if people think of me as a nuisance before speaking a word to me. i can't help but notice how i'm treated differently, especially when it comes to customer service. so many times have workers given me attitude and were passive aggressive with me for seemingly no reason.
i've been told that my speech, body movements, and eye contact are unpleasant and that it comes off as very awkward when i try to put myself out there cause of it. and also that my appearance is uncanny which sounds worse than ugly.
i'm clumsy too and inept when it comes to any work with hands. academically i have a tough time applying what i've learned and i tend to do the most illogical things in life. the instances i can think of at the top of my head just from the other day are: trying to fit in the menu book into the napkin holder (with napkins in it) at a restaurant which caused the waitress to take it out of my hand, as if i was a little kid. and also when she asked me to pass her the sugar i took out a single packet not realising she meant the entire holder. the first things that come to mind for me always differ from others'.
all of this has made me feel more and more secluded and just being around people in public has been causing me heavy stress. i've garnered a lot of pent up hatred towards myself wishing i was more fitting and not so "impaired" as my mom and dad like to put it.
being different is alienating
