Venting Feeling a dead end on methods

[TBONTB]

I'm feeling pretty desperate. I want to CTB because at 62 I can see my economics about to collapse. It's shit scary.

I started here with an optimistic idea I could CTB. Hard on my husband but with just one person needing the money and for a shorter period, it seemed like it would work

I've finally decided I'm just not getting SN in the US. Bummer

I considered GSW but I would have to acquire and learn how to use a gun. The death, if successful, would be so violent it would be hard on all. And it seems like there is a real chance of bungling it, leading to permanent disability.

That really leaves hanging, and my difficulty remains an anchor point. And of course, SI. I have a detached garage with some ceiling joists, but they are just 2x8s and they make me nervous. Last thing I need to do is break one more thing on this house. I looked at a park for trees and didn't scout any that looked awesome...to high, to big, too low. Someone gave me a tip about using the trunk. So that might be something I could explore

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I just wish to be gone as well and I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing and never suffer again, all I wish for is painless, guaranteed death, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry for your situation
hope you find the peace you desire

 

[nights5467]

I'm feeling pretty desperate. I want to CTB because at 62 I can see my economics about to collapse. It's shit scary.

I started here with an optimistic idea I could CTB. Hard on my husband but with just one person needing the money and for a shorter period, it seemed like it would work

I've finally decided I'm just not getting SN in the US. Bummer

I considered GSW but I would have to acquire and learn how to use a gun. The death, if successful, would be so violent it would be hard on all. And it seems like there is a real chance of bungling it, leading to permanent disability.

That really leaves hanging, and my difficulty remains an anchor point. And of course, SI. I have a detached garage with some ceiling joists, but they are just 2x8s and they make me nervous. Last thing I need to do is break one more thing on this house. I looked at a park for trees and didn't scout any that looked awesome...to high, to big, too low. Someone gave me a tip about using the trunk. So that might be something I could explore

fentanyl is NOT hard to find. go on bootleg facebook groups for your city and find someone selling percocets (they might call them "beans" or "blues"), if you wouldnt be very convincing just make up some story about your doctor wont prescribe them anymore and you need them blah blah. purchase a fentanyl testing kit from walgreens or cvs, and test the fake percocets to see if they have fentanyl. More of them have fent than don't. then purchase more and take as many as possible. make sure you will be left alone and not checked on for a few hours so that you can't be narcan'd back to life.

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Its scary to be 62 and homeless, thats where I see myself in my 60s because I worked under the table for most my life because I could not hold onto a job because of my deep depression and autism. So I can kiss my social security checks goodbye. My method of going out is by hanging, its going to be 4-6 seconds of immense pain and fear, but sweet bliss afterwards. Those 4-6 seconds is the hard part, it will last an eternity. I ideally want to go out instantly. Just a few hours ago I was close to doing it, but chickened out at the last minute and now Im hear in my misery.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I'm feeling pretty desperate. I want to CTB because at 62 I can see my economics about to collapse. It's shit scary.

I started here with an optimistic idea I could CTB. Hard on my husband but with just one person needing the money and for a shorter period, it seemed like it would work

I've finally decided I'm just not getting SN in the US. Bummer

I considered GSW but I would have to acquire and learn how to use a gun. The death, if successful, would be so violent it would be hard on all. And it seems like there is a real chance of bungling it, leading to permanent disability.

That really leaves hanging, and my difficulty remains an anchor point. And of course, SI. I have a detached garage with some ceiling joists, but they are just 2x8s and they make me nervous. Last thing I need to do is break one more thing on this house. I looked at a park for trees and didn't scout any that looked awesome...to high, to big, too low. Someone gave me a tip about using the trunk. So that might be something I could explore

I don't think your problem is the lack of options. I know this sounds harsh, and I know how it feels — I think I do. Suicide is hard. We find ways to overthink things, to procrastinate. I'm doing the same, just in a different form, and I hate it. There was a time when I obsessed over my anchor point and my location too. Now I obsess over something else. It's annoying.

I know your immediate reaction when reading this might be something like, "But my anchor point is...", or "I know but...". There is always a but. I have mine too. It's hard to get rid of them. They trick you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

2x8's will certainly support your weight, unless you are extraordinarily large.

 

[AreWeWinning]

2x8's will certainly support your weight, unless you are extraordinarily large.

This is what I'm saying. I've seen her thread asking about it, and people start talking about things like what kind of wood it's made of, what joints are used and whatnot. Complete nonsense. People making these comments have probably never held a hammer in their hands or seen a house being built.

A 2x8' beam will support a person's weight, and there's no way to damage it by using it as an anchor point.

 

[WhenIBreathe]

I'm feeling pretty desperate. I want to CTB because at 62 I can see my economics about to collapse. It's shit scary.

I started here with an optimistic idea I could CTB. Hard on my husband but with just one person needing the money and for a shorter period, it seemed like it would work

I've finally decided I'm just not getting SN in the US. Bummer

I considered GSW but I would have to acquire and learn how to use a gun. The death, if successful, would be so violent it would be hard on all. And it seems like there is a real chance of bungling it, leading to permanent disability.

That really leaves hanging, and my difficulty remains an anchor point. And of course, SI. I have a detached garage with some ceiling joists, but they are just 2x8s and they make me nervous. Last thing I need to do is break one more thing on this house. I looked at a park for trees and didn't scout any that looked awesome...to high, to big, too low. Someone gave me a tip about using the trunk. So that might be something I could explore

I'm sorry, can I ask, what was the tip about using the trunk?

 

[TBONTB]

I'm sorry, can I ask, what was the tip about using the trunk?

Simply that a trunk can be used instead of a branch.

 

[boomsocknick]

I think the method has to be faster than your tactile nerve response. It's been clinically observed that an estimated half of all people experience a spike in gamma brain waves, the waves associated with conscious alertness, a spike 300 times the normal range of conscious production. The final dreams at that time can reportedly be deeply horrific or deeply pleasant, and time may slow down, reportedly stretching one's experience of time so that decades or centuries pass in a single moment. But even these alarming anecdotes may not account for the human experience during the last firing of the last synapse. There may be a point at which, for example, the level of oxygenated blood dips below the point of resuscitation (no matter our tech level), but still enough to enable dreams, making the dreams unknowable to living people. I believe that your deepest psychological constitution decides if those dreams are joyful or if they're a nightmare that feels like a lifetime but only takes moments. If a person has always been insecure, paranoid, avoidant, poorly handles stress and change, or frequently recalls negative memories unprompted, these often incurable pathologies will determine how a person will experience death. And that's because they determine how a person dreams, whether the dream is drug induced or otherwise.

The worst case scenario is that you have a decades long nightmare tortured by all your deepest fears. The only contingency for this is dying a death that doesn't allow for the release of these brain waves, neurotransmitters, or any of the psycho medley that may cause the near death experience. The brain must be destroyed in an instant. Shotgun pellets only travel at 0.4 meters per millisecond. Nitroglycerin explodes at 7.7 meters per millisecond. Tactile stimulus signals take at least 4 milliseconds just to travel to the brain. If the dynamite sticks are resting directly on the back of your neck, the brain matter will theoretically be reduced to pieces that are too small for any consciousness or hopefully even perception of pain before the brain even realizes the imminence of death. I learned from a lengthy explosives safety manual that some kind of shrapnel in the nitroglycerin like firearm ammo will make the explosion significantly more deadly, as will detonating it in an enclosed space.

If you have the money, I'd recommend traveling to Potosi in Bolivia, where dynamite can be purchased legally

 

[TBONTB]

I don't think your problem is the lack of options. I know this sounds harsh, and I know how it feels — I think I do. Suicide is hard. We find ways to overthink things, to procrastinate. I'm doing the same, just in a different form, and I hate it. There was a time when I obsessed over my anchor point and my location too. Now I obsess over something else. It's annoying.

I know your immediate reaction when reading this might be something like, "But my anchor point is...", or "I know but...". There is always a but. I have mine too. It's hard to get rid of them. They trick you.

Haha...I think what you say has merit. It is hard. I also think these are all real problems to work through. But you are very astute, this locking up on decisions is something I do under stress