I have a track record of pondering, gesturing, ruminating on; and falsely attempting to ctb.
I feel like a failure. I always end up on psych ward holds - having to explain why I didn't quite manage to ctb or pulled out late.
Like all my friends don't take me seriously because I have never actually passed on.
All I want to do is have this pain of living extinguished. (But I'm terrified of failing just as much). To have it all come to an end. I can't do it anymore. Is there anyone who can relate? Or am I just a coward?
I feel like a failure. I always end up on psych ward holds - having to explain why I didn't quite manage to ctb or pulled out late.
Like all my friends don't take me seriously because I have never actually passed on.
All I want to do is have this pain of living extinguished. (But I'm terrified of failing just as much). To have it all come to an end. I can't do it anymore. Is there anyone who can relate? Or am I just a coward?
