Discussion Fear of suffocation with SN

[Meditation guide]

I was thinking of using SN as my method, which I have from a few years ago. The main thing that concerns me with using SN is suffocation. As someone with asthma I am familiar with the panic that sets in when I can't get air into my lungs or breathe properly.

Just now I was taking a nap and as I woke up felt a sheet over my nose and mouth, and tried to inhale but my nose was covered with the sheet and no air could get into my nose. My heart immediately jumped into a very fast panic rapid beating, and I felt extreme, automatic, terror. This was instant, no thought was involved, just an immediate panic and terror at not being able to take in air.

I'm scared of this feeling, as someone with asthma it has happened before and it's indescribable terror and panic.

I'm scared that SN will do the same thing. I'd be interested in hearing some details from people who have had experience with SN and this type of reaction. Or a discussion with others who have asthma and are thinking about trying SN.

 

[eLdus]

I have a medical condition that also affects my breathing and I have exactly the same fear as you. I very much want to CTB and be at peace, but I know that I will have to stop breathing to do that. It's like a terrifying paradox.

 

[Meditation guide]

I have a medical condition that also affects my breathing and I have exactly the same fear as you. I very much want to CTB and be at peace, but I know that I will have to stop breathing to do that. It's like a terrifying paradox.

Falling asleep and losing consciousness is the best thing which could happen to us with breathing problems, such as from carbon monoxide.

Since SN causes muscles to not function due to oxygen deprivation, while still awake and conscious, and the diaphragm is a muscle and controls working of the lungs, I see it as a real problem for anyone with breathing problems. And there have been a few reports of people gasping for air and choking after drinking SN.

 

[DreamEnd]

Falling asleep and losing consciousness is the best thing which could happen to us with breathing problems, such as from carbon monoxide.

Since SN causes muscles to not function due to oxygen deprivation, while still awake and conscious, and the diaphragm is a muscle and controls working of the lungs, I see it as a real problem for anyone with breathing problems. And there have been a few reports of people gasping for air and choking after drinking SN.

There is heavy breathing yes. Where did you read about choking?

 

[DarkShadows]

Shortness of breath is a symptom of methemoglobinaemia.

 

[Schaf]

No doctor but as any method you use, you might panic, but you also might pass out even before having any asthma attack? So I can't say for sure

 

[Argo]

I was thinking of using SN as my method, which I have from a few years ago. The main thing that concerns me with using SN is suffocation. As someone with asthma I am familiar with the panic that sets in when I can't get air into my lungs or breathe properly.

Just now I was taking a nap and as I woke up felt a sheet over my nose and mouth, and tried to inhale but my nose was covered with the sheet and no air could get into my nose. My heart immediately jumped into a very fast panic rapid beating, and I felt extreme, automatic, terror. This was instant, no thought was involved, just an immediate panic and terror at not being able to take in air.

I'm scared of this feeling, as someone with asthma it has happened before and it's indescribable terror and panic.

I'm scared that SN will do the same thing. I'd be interested in hearing some details from people who have had experience with SN and this type of reaction. Or a discussion with others who have asthma and are thinking about trying SN.

A few years ago may not be reliable. I tested my 5 year old SN yesterday, it was not sealed airtight(the plastic bottle with the cap on gave way if pressed), but it was almost completely degraded from SN to N. It went from reagent grade, 99.6% pure, to 10% or less SN based on aquarium tests, and very high Nitrate in those 5 years. It would be wise for anyone to take this problem very seriously, whether it's sealed well or not.

As far as a panic response, my personal primary method to combat this since I'll be using SN, will be taking a strong enough anxiolytic. I'll test doses on myself so I know how much is needed that I am undisturbable. Your name is meditation guide, so I'll also mention something that can't really be useful to most people but may be for you(You'll need to be the judge):

For me personally, I'll be doing as much sitting in the weeks prior to death as I can. This will be a kind of modified maranasati(mindfulness of death). Modified, because this is not normally done for suicide but rather natural death and to live through life more mindfully. I'll be bringing to mind clearly that I will die, I'll be noticing any mental postures towards death that would be unwholesome. So if I have some doubts around death, for example, I'll be shining awareness onto those mind states if they arise as I am intentionally bringing the idea of death to mind during meditation. If I have a feeling of fear, again, it's just a matter of noticing the fear vs. getting lost in it. The whole purpose of this is to be as clear-minded as possible, because I don't think any suicide should be someone... you know.. in tears, or in despair, or trembling with fear, or drowning in regret, those sorts of things. I realize that's a reality of many suicides, I just find it unfortunate, and I think the ideal suicide is one where there's peace and clarity. Everyone has a right to peace when they die.


I can't guarantee I'll have peace, but that's just me sharing my approach to reach my personal values.

 

[Meditation guide]

I see I didn't explain the issue. It's not fear and panic from nerves. It's not from anxiety. It's a physical reaction to not getting in air. Heart racing suddenly from no air getting in, not being able to inhale.

 

[Argo]

I see I didn't explain the issue. It's not fear and panic from nerves. It's not from anxiety. It's a physical reaction to not getting in air. Heart racing suddenly from no air getting in, not being able to inhale.

This is in response to what I wrote, right? It looks like there's lots of confusion here, and I'd cause more of it if I tried to explain what I'm talking about. I probably read too heavily in your name, so if that's the case, you should ignore what I wrote and messaged you with. The entire thing relies on some deep Buddhist metaphysics that just isn't practical to explain with the kinds of issues you're describing, and would be useless to pretty much anyone else reading. Sorry I couldn't help-- best of luck.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

This is also a concern of mine. Panicking during my attempt in general is. And every method imaginable requires overcoming some degree of panic. That is why a method such a CO, that would presumbably allow me to die in my sleep, is so appealing to me. But even turning on the CO source would be a source of panic for me. Ideally, I would like to come up with some sort of way to have a switch on a timer that would turn the source on after I've passed from from alcohol and sleeping pills.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm talking about a purely physical reaction which is not related in any way to survival instinct or any type of thought process.

I have asthma which involves a physical breathing problem I have at times and it is triggered by things I eat or drink. When I have an asthma attack my windpipe closes. I cannot take in air. I think SN might trigger an asthma attack.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I took a very small dose of SN (compared to the guidelines) a few weeks ago and felt like a fish out of water. I was trying to breathe very deeply but couldn't get oxygen and panicked. I passed out momentarily but came to and quickly panicked by this sense of suffocating slowly. My oxygen levels plummeted really quickly. I turned grey and weak and freaked out. I called emergency services. I reckon if I took the full amount I would have passed out much quicker but the panic made my SI kick in and it was impulsive and not planned out. I've ordered more SN as ambulance took the rest. Don't know if it will come or if I will have the guts to follow through with it. But my only advice is don't mess around with it like I did.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I took a very small dose of SN (compared to the guidelines) a few weeks ago and felt like a fish out of water. I was trying to breathe very deeply but couldn't get oxygen and panicked. I passed out momentarily but came to and quickly panicked by this sense of suffocating slowly. My oxygen levels plummeted really quickly. I turned grey and weak and freaked out. I called emergency services. I reckon if I took the full amount I would have passed out much quicker but the panic made my SI kick in and it was impulsive and not planned out. I've ordered more SN as ambulance took the rest. Don't know if it will come or if I will have the guts to follow through with it. But my only advice is don't mess around with it like I did.

How many teaspoonfuls did you take? Did you receive the antidote methylene blue?

 

[Toobrokentofix]

How many teaspoonfuls did you take? Did you receive the antidote methylene blue?

I took 2g on the Mon. Had taken 1g on Sunday and about the same on Sat. Over weekend just had bad head and bad diarrhoea but when I took the 2g on Mon I felt like I was dying. I did have to have methylene blue. My sats didn't start to increase until then even on full oxygen. The antidote was weirdly painful. It goes in very quick though

 

[Meditation guide]

I took 2g on the Mon. Had taken 1g on Sunday and about the same on Sat. Over weekend just had bad head and bad diarrhoea but when I took the 2g on Mon I felt like I was dying. I did have to have methylene blue. My sats didn't start to increase until then even on full oxygen. The antidote was weirdly painful. It goes in very quick though

Did you vomit?

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Did you vomit?

No. Didn't even feel sick

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I see I didn't explain the issue. It's not fear and panic from nerves. It's not from anxiety. It's a physical reaction to not getting in air. Heart racing suddenly from no air getting in, not being able to inhale.

I'm talking about a purely physical reaction which is not related in any way to survival instinct or any type of thought process.

I have asthma which involves a physical breathing problem I have at times and it is triggered by things I eat or drink. When I have an asthma attack my windpipe closes. I cannot take in air. I think SN might trigger an asthma attack.

I'm following this thread as I would like to know people's thoughts on SN triggering an asthma attack.

I have pretty severe asthma, I know the panic you are talking about. Mine is triggered by what I eat & drink too, as well as other allergens like smoke or some dogs.

I have a pretty severe asthma attack 1-2 times per week where my rescue inhaler brings no relief & I feel like I can almost pass out. That feeling when I take my puffer & it makes no difference for getting air ... sheer panic. I've been riding out the asthma attacks, not going to the ER. I wish my asthma would just kill me.

I've even been so desperate to make my CTB look like a natural death that I've been trying to find out the likelihood of dying from asthma and how much panic would be involved, etc...

I have SN and desperately hope that if I give up on making my CTB look like a natural death and use it instead, that it doesn't bring on an asthma attack and the panic you speak of.

 

[Meditation guide]

I have a pretty severe asthma attack 1-2 times per week where my rescue inhaler brings no relief & I feel like I can almost pass out. That feeling when I take my puffer & it makes no difference for getting air .

Have you tried Singulair, or a nebulizer? The nebulizer has saved my life a few times.

Since SN is a corrosive strong salt I really feel when it hits my throat it's likely to trigger a terrible asthma attack. I don't think I want to risk that kind of torture.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I took a very small dose of SN (compared to the guidelines) a few weeks ago and felt like a fish out of water. I was trying to breathe very deeply but couldn't get oxygen and panicked. I passed out momentarily but came to and quickly panicked by this sense of suffocating slowly. My oxygen levels plummeted really quickly. I turned grey and weak and freaked out. I called emergency services. I reckon if I took the full amount I would have passed out much quicker but the panic made my SI kick in and it was impulsive and not planned out. I've ordered more SN as ambulance took the rest. Don't know if it will come or if I will have the guts to follow through with it. But my only advice is don't mess around with it like I did.

Yeah experiences like this are exactly why I've not even dared to try sn until I'm ready for it because I've come across similar experiences like yours so it isn't the 1st even if people have been told not to do this again and again and again. Like here otherwise there's no reason for me to even take that risk since I have a cardiovascular issue that'll potentially exacerbate toxicity.

My experience after taking 2 g SN last night

Hey everyone! First of all: Much Love to all of you. I am a Long time lurker and i have seen how much kindness there is in this community. I am sorry for all of us to fee suicidial and wish our lives would have turnt out better. I might share my own Story in another post, but i just had an...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Just did a 2g test of my SN

Hey anyone reading, I've been on this forum for a little bit now (18 when I started, 19 now) and some time ago some helpful members assisted me in sourcing SN from IC. Shortly after it arrived, within a fortnight both my great grandmother and my grandfather passed away and I delayed my suicide...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I've ordered more SN as ambulance took the rest.

So while the ambulance/ER personnel took SN from you, you ordered more on the spot or soon after?

 

[Toobrokentofix]

All that said if someone wanted to meet me right now and sell me some of there's I would do it. Life is so painful and disappointing all the time.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Over weekend just had bad head and bad diarrhoea but when I took the 2g on Mon I felt like I was dying

as reckless as this was, if you took a bit more, I think you probably would've died.

All that said if someone wanted to meet me right now and sell me some of there's I would do it. Life is so painful and disappointing all the time.

It's rather unfortunate and I'm really sorry that it's even like that, for any of us really but your experience if anything, reiterates two things.

1. Do not take sn impulsively

2. This method is pretty damn lethal.

I'm pretty certain that people call for help because of the onset of the symptoms like being unable to catch their breath as their heart speeds up.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

as reckless as this was, if you took a bit more, I think you probably would've died.

I would have died without methylene blue the third day I took it. Even just 2g. If I ever manage to get it again I will take more though... probably not full 25g but something in between as I think I will definable die, definitely pass out quickly and probably not vomit. I have anti-emetics and benzos ready. Just need to freaking SN!!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I would have died without methylene blue the third day I took it. Even just 2g. If I ever manage to get it again I will take more though... probably not full 25g but something in between as I think I will definable die, definitely pass out quickly and probably not vomit. I have anti-emetics and benzos ready. Just need to freaking SN!!

Yeah, I definitely think so, @Meditation guide can correct me on this but that's what happened to @sadworld, she took that amount and did not make it.

I don't think you necessarily need the full 25, I've seen cases of people ctbing from 13, 15, 18 and 21g of SN, it's literally fatal more times than not which doesn't make it easier to handle the panicking part/SI.

You've experienced it already at a smaller dose so I guess you know what to expect and that you probably don't need too much more.

I have those ready too and am getting two bottles of sn tomorrow plus a small 50ml lab beaker.

Sounds like you wouldn't mind taking it again and a thought just occurred to me, you said you were struggling to breathe because the oxygen levels were dropping quite a lot, this is probably why those who took benzos went unconscious even faster since a high dose of benzos could affect the central nervous system.

I am just really glad you're still here, any member who does this just has me rather worried due to the warnings that have already been issued a fair few times throughout the times and with good reason.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Yeah, I definitely think so, @Meditation guide can correct me on this but that's what happened to @sadworld, she took that amount and did not make it.

I don't think you necessarily need the full 25, I've seen cases of people ctbing from 13, 15, 18 and 21g of SN, it's literally fatal more times than not which doesn't make it easier to handle the panicking part/SI.

You've experienced it already at a smaller dose so I guess you know what to expect and that you probably don't need too much more.

I have those ready too and am getting two bottles of sn tomorrow plus a small 50ml lab beaker.

Sounds like you wouldn't mind taking it again and a thought just occurred to me, you said you were struggling to breathe because the oxygen levels were dropping quite a lot, this is probably why those who took benzos went unconscious even faster since a high dose of benzos could affect the central nervous system.

I think so. I also think if I'd taken like 5 times the amount it would have been so much quicker. I was so weak so quickly. If I take anti emerics, a hand full of zopiclone n benzos first I reckon I'll be too out of it for my SI to stand a.chance. I also will do it far away. I say all this but still don't have SN. Tempted to try to jump tonight. Means a long drive and overcoming alot of SI as heights make me feel weird even safe ones. Also, I'm meant to meet a friend tomorrow who I would like to see in case it's the last time. Ffa. I'm so pissed off rn

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think so. I also think if I'd taken like 5 times the amount it would have been so much quicker. I was so weak so quickly.

Not entirely surprised myself since it goes with what's been described in medical literature, there's a reason rapid and early medical attention is paramount to survival. I am still rather surprised that such a small amount of what's way less than the regimen amount can do this.

a hand full of zopiclone n benzos first I reckon I'll be too out of it for my SI to stand a.chance.

Same here since 1mg Xanax can still knock me out due to my low tolerance.

Tempted to try to jump tonight. Means a long drive and overcoming alot of SI as heights make me feel weird even safe ones.

I know it's not my place to tell you what to do since it is ultimately your choice but I'd just stop and think for a second before trying anything else in the meantime, I know, easier said than done due to how your described things when it comes to life.

I'm meant to meet a friend tomorrow who I would like to see in case it's the last time. Ffa. I'm so pissed off rn

I don't usually do this but would you like to talk if possible, just to channel your thoughts and feelings outward to another party. I'd see that friend if possible since it is someone important to you.

 

[Mayonaise]

Tempted to try to jump tonight. Means a long drive and overcoming alot of SI as heights make me feel weird even safe ones. Also, I'm meant to meet a friend tomorrow who I would like to see in case it's the last time. Ffa. I'm so pissed off rn

I think I can understand your "anxiety" to just get it done, but as many of us know, there are more failed suicide attempts than successfull ones.
Statistically speaking, and not considering any method in particular, the statistics are there for everyone to see.
If it can be of any help, I agree with @Goku Black. You chose a method and tested its lethality, I strongly advise against switching to another method which you're not prepared for, especially jumping. That would be impulsive, and as such quite likely to fail, not to mention you're afraid of heights - you may hesitate, somebody could call the police or emergency services and you could be forced into a psych ward. Or even worse, you could survive with horrific injuries.
Please, just try to be rational: you chose a method for good reason and you tested it. Stick to that, and while you wait for it to be delivered you still have time to think whether you really want to do it. Easier said than done, I know. I hope this brings you some relief

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think I can understand your "anxiety" to just get it done, but as many of us know, there are more failed suicide attempts than successfull ones.
Statistically speaking, and not considering any method in particular, the statistics are there for everyone to see.
If it can be of any help, I agree with @Goku Black. You chose a method and tested its lethality, I strongly advise against switching to another method which you're not prepared for, especially jumping. That would be impulsive, and as such quite likely to fail, not to mention you're afraid of heights - you may hesitate, somebody could call the police or emergency services and you could be forced into a psych ward. Or even worse, you could survive with horrific injuries.
Please, just try to be rational: you chose a method for good reason and you tested it. Stick to that, and while you wait for it to be delivered you still have time to think whether you really want to do it. Easier said than done, I know. I hope this brings you some relief

Couldn't have said it any better.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I met my friend he has left but now what? I still need to disappear and my SN still hasn't arrived. FUCK THIS SHIT!! Why is it so hard to make the pain go away? Why is it so hard to just KMS or cheer the fuck up?! I am beyond pathetic

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I met my friend he has left but now what? I still need to disappear and my SN still hasn't arrived. FUCK THIS SHIT!! Why is it so hard to make the pain go away? Why is it so hard to just KMS or cheer the fuck up?! I am beyond pathetic

as time goes on, the exhaustion from depression makes it real hard to even be able to just cheer the fuck up as you put it, please don't be too hard on yourself man.

 

[Mayonaise]

I met my friend he has left but now what? I still need to disappear and my SN still hasn't arrived. FUCK THIS SHIT!! Why is it so hard to make the pain go away? Why is it so hard to just KMS or cheer the fuck up?! I am beyond pathetic

No, you're not pathetic at all. You're in pain, and deserve respect.
You try to cope by reaching out for help from this community, and met a friend before it's too late. This is not pathetic in my book, you're still able to feel positive emotions.
You would be pathetic if you purposely hurt others for your own good, but it doesn't seem to be the case.
Feeling worthless and pathetic is common when mental suffering is involved - you may feel pathetic, but I believe you're not