Discussion Fear of dying from heart disease, but wanting to end it all

[suicidalbnuy]

I don't know if it's hypocritical or contradictory.

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease. The doctor told me that sooner or later, I would need surgery. My parents even told me that my grandfather died from what I have.

Even since adolescence, I felt apart, sad, and had thoughts of killing myself. Lately, I have been feeling down, and I'm just planning to CTB.

But when I received the notice that I had this disease, I remember I was afraid of dying, and I even cried because I felt like I was going to die. Sometimes I even think deeply of dying because of the disease, and don't know, I have some fear of dying, fear about what happens afterwards.

So is it hypocritical to be afraid while wanting to kill myself?

 

[muu]

it's not hypocritical at all. it's just the way we work and how our brains are wired. most people will always fear death, subconsciously or not. it's just survival instincts. we can't decide that.

i'm very sorry to hear about your heart disease. illness is very hard. i hope whatever you decide to do, it won't be painful. i know how painful illnesses can be.

sending you lots of love

 

[2muchpain2]

I don't know if it's hypocritical or contradictory.

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease. The doctor told me that sooner or later, I would need surgery. My parents even told me that my grandfather died from what I have.

Even since adolescence, I felt apart, sad, and had thoughts of killing myself. Lately, I have been feeling down, and I'm just planning to CTB.

But when I received the notice that I had this disease, I remember I was afraid of dying, and I even cried because I felt like I was going to die. Sometimes I even think deeply of dying because of the disease, and don't know, I have some fear of dying, fear about what happens afterwards.

So is it hypocritical to be afraid while wanting to kill myself?

I think it's because you don't want an illness to take you? Maybe you would rather be in control of how you leave this life