burninghill
Student
- Dec 2, 2025
- 175
My last attempt was November 1st and I've felt like shit since and it only seems to be getting worse.
I feel like a mouse in a burrow knowing that there's a fox right above me- just in this constant state of stress. I can't sleep, I can't get comfortable, I don't enjoy things, I'm irritable. I've been getting nightmares due to a traumatic event in 2024 which puts me off of sleeping on some of the days where I can't actually go to sleep. I relapsed and posted photos of it online. University is starting again in 4 days. My mum is losing motor function to the disability she developed last year. I've tried reaching out for help but nobody will listen.
I genuinely can't do this shit anymore. My problem? I can't get the active urge to come back. I want to die so bad but the urge to go out and do it is just… gone. I can't tell you how frustrating that is. I want to be angry again, I want to just say fuck it and force my head onto the rails. I'm just frustrated and tired and lazy and it's no good. I need to kill myself or get the fuck up.
Last time I backed out of suicide it was because I developed some kind of sudden fear of death while on the rails. It felt really instinctual and I'd never felt that sort of fear before, so my body was clearly working hard. I'll drink more next time and hope to god I get it over with.
I feel like a mouse in a burrow knowing that there's a fox right above me- just in this constant state of stress. I can't sleep, I can't get comfortable, I don't enjoy things, I'm irritable. I've been getting nightmares due to a traumatic event in 2024 which puts me off of sleeping on some of the days where I can't actually go to sleep. I relapsed and posted photos of it online. University is starting again in 4 days. My mum is losing motor function to the disability she developed last year. I've tried reaching out for help but nobody will listen.
I genuinely can't do this shit anymore. My problem? I can't get the active urge to come back. I want to die so bad but the urge to go out and do it is just… gone. I can't tell you how frustrating that is. I want to be angry again, I want to just say fuck it and force my head onto the rails. I'm just frustrated and tired and lazy and it's no good. I need to kill myself or get the fuck up.
Last time I backed out of suicide it was because I developed some kind of sudden fear of death while on the rails. It felt really instinctual and I'd never felt that sort of fear before, so my body was clearly working hard. I'll drink more next time and hope to god I get it over with.
