Venting Family

[strawberrypinkloves]

I'm going into my second year of college and I've come back home. I can't stand my father. I overheard him beat my mother and I'm not sure what to do. He's the one paying for everything in my family. Everytime I come back to see my mom, she looks more, and more tired. I can't stand it. I hate just listening. I don't know what I can do to stop it. I really don't know what I could possibly do to prevent him from doing anything. I feel like a failure to my mom, my family, my parents. To top it all off, my mom takes that anger out on my siblings. I hate watching that happen. It's never physical, just verbally. My dad is a horrible person and I don't know what to do to stop it. My mom should leave—she needs to. But in a traditional household like mine, divorce is taboo. I was too scared to re-enter the room where I heard her beat her. I felt so extremely pathetic hearing her cry from the other room. I wanted so badly to stop what's was going to happen next—and I simply couldn't. I couldn't move. I felt like I couldn't call or tell anyone. I didn't want to be next. Calling the police wouldn't even help either. It would make things even worse.

I felt so incredibly selfish. Leaving again. Leaving my family again. I know when I leave, and when my 2nd sibling leaves for college next, it's only going to be youngest sibling (5), mom, and father. I don't know what to do to stop it. I'm afraid that when I leave, someone will die.

I'm really sorry to anyone reading this. This is a hopeless senseless ramble born from panic. I just don't have anyone to talk to about this.

 

[SASU-KE]

I was in your exact same situation. Are you from an Asian family?

The only thing you can really hope to do is grind away at college and get your degree and a good job, become independent and then intervene.

I know that this sounds and feels selfish right now. Things will get better and you'll be in a position of power later on.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

You could always get a . Legally if you're over 18. On the street if you're not. Then take care of business in the middle of him doing his thing on your mom. That should be considered defending another person who's being hurt. Maybe even put a near his hand on the floor. But your mom would have to lie for you about the and say that he had it and was going after her with it. I'm not sure of the dynamic there between you guys, if she'd be happy to go along with it or mad at you "stopping" your dad from hurting her further. I hope you find a way to get it to stop.

 

[SASU-KE]

I'm not sure of the dynamic there between you guys, if she'd be happy to go along with it or mad at you "stopping" your dad from hurting her further.

My mother was in a similar situation. Except she was actually well to do and didn't depend on my father financially. When I asked her to leave the relationship, she wouldn't do it because of the stigma of a broken family. She didn't want to bear the shame. Ultimately, OP can only lead a horse to water but can't make it drink.

Again, each family and situation is different.