Venting family burden

[wednesday]

anyone having trouble because of family? i love my mother and the only thing stopping me from ending it all is her, i dont want to imagine the pain she'll have but living is still very hard for me so im trying my best to find a way. please give me advices if anyone could

 

[KUA]

anyone having trouble because of family? i love my mother and the only thing stopping me from ending it all is her, i dont want to imagine the pain she'll have but living is still very hard for me so im trying my best to find a way. please give me advices if anyone could

I have been in the same position as you. The way that I think of it is that once you die, this world becomes irrelevant. This sound very harsh initially but once you realise death leads to eternal oblivion you won't care

 

[KleinerWolf]

I have been in the same position as you. The way that I think of it is that once you die, this world becomes irrelevant. This sound very harsh initially but once you realise death leads to eternal oblivion you won't care

I appreciate your philosophical standpoint.
Just like an illusion, commit suicide, POOF and all the suffering is gone.

But I often think to myself like what's the point of dying if everything becomes oblivion once you are dead. It doesn't really gain you anything.

it's kinda ironic since I'm now staying because I wanna have some of that fun
Before I eventually die.

Call me naive and despite it being cliche,
"you only live once",
have some fun while you are here.

 

[Soul]

anyone having trouble because of family? i love my mother and the only thing stopping me from ending it all is her, i dont want to imagine the pain she'll have but living is still very hard for me so im trying my best to find a way. please give me advices if anyone could

I believe a lot of people here are in that kind of situation, and our approaches vary a lot. Many of us decide to stay until their parent (or whoever) dies; others make their decisions for themselves alone.

If you want to talk about your situation, people here are very good listeners.

 

[KUA]

I appreciate your philosophical standpoint.
Just like an illusion, commit suicide, POOF and all the suffering is gone.

But I often think to myself like what's the point of dying if everything becomes oblivion once you are dead. It doesn't really gain you anything.

it's kinda ironic since I'm now staying because I wanna have some of that fun
Before I eventually die.

Call me naive and despite it being cliche,
"you only live once",
have some fun while you are here.

I totally agree. CTB doesn't gain you anything, if I had a good life like the majority of people on this earth then I wouldn't be on SS. CTB should be the final option

 

[bigdog]

+ it is like if you suffer and want to end it

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It's a really difficult situation that I think several of us struggle with regularly. We believe we have the choice to hurt ourselves, but we also know that our actions will inevitably hurt others. How does that consideration influence our decision-making?

Personally, I believe the only reason I'm still alive is because of the other people in my life who I know will feel pain, particularly my single mother, for whom I'm her only child. At some point, though, the pain of living may supersede that consideration.

I've had people tell me that suicide is cowardly — an easy way out. I think suicidal people exercise immense bravery each day, unwillingly coping with life's struggles for the sake of sparing the feelings of others. At some point, it's just going to become too much. How much can our loved ones ask of us? How can we get them to appreciate the severity of our pain and to understand that death equals peace?

My note to my family touches on that point, so at least they understand where I'm coming from. Not sure when I'll do it. The last time I tried, I kept thinking about my mother, and I couldn't go through with it. That may not always be the case.

 

[bigdog]

I think just fuck it. I wouldn't care they will just move on. Suicide is definitely not cowardly

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

I don't really have any advice, but I understand your struggle. So far my conscience has kept me from ctb. I have tried, but I can't go through with it. I have young children, a wife, and then there's my siblings and parents. I know that my death would cause a tremendous amount of devastation. Not just emotionally, but financially since I support the family. I'm a caring person and I don't want to hurt people. There are times when I think I can't take it anymore and I think I'll ctb, but so far fear and guilt have always stopped me. Time will tell if that ever changes.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I used to but I have resentment towards the way my family treated my problems and don't care about how they feel now

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I don't really have any advice, but I understand your struggle. So far my conscience has kept me from ctb. I have tried, but I can't go through with it. I have young children, a wife, and then there's my siblings and parents. I know that my death would cause a tremendous amount of devastation. Not just emotionally, but financially since I support the family. I'm a caring person and I don't want to hurt people. There are times when I think I can't take it anymore and I think I'll ctb, but so far fear and guilt have always stopped me. Time will tell if that ever changes.

If I had young children, I don't think I could go through with it either. In cases like that, the best option really might be to live with our pain. Sending you virtual hugs!

 

[RileyTanaka]

For me it's the opposite - my family's treatment of me has encouraged me to exit. They've made it pretty obvious they're better off with me being gone, so I consider it to be a gift for them too.

 

[rhiino]

But I often think to myself like what's the point of dying if everything becomes oblivion once you are dead. It doesn't really gain you anything.

It gains you to get rid of all your pain. Not existing anymore is the point and what you gain from it. Unfortunately you have to make that decision while still alive and having empathy for your loved ones.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I keep trying to weigh up the pain and disappointment I give and receive from my family whilst being alive. With the pain I will give them in death, it feels more and more everyday the former outweighs the latter.

 

[Shinkansen]

my family sucks and should burn in hell, i wouldn't mind at all if they suffer from my death.
the only reason that keeps me alive is my cat, I love him too much and I don't have the courage to give him a displeasure.

 

[KleinerWolf]

It gains you to get rid of all your pain. Not existing anymore is the point and what you gain from it. Unfortunately you have to make that decision while still alive and having empathy for your loved ones.

yes there's eternal oblivion once you are dead,
not existing confuse and scares me, makes it feel like everything is pointless,
which is why I'd be keen to pack up some more happiness
so that when I do die I'm not going to have any regret in my final moments...

 

[Meditation guide]

the only reason that keeps me alive is my cat, I love him too much and I don't have the courage to give him a displeasure.

I've been alive just for my wonderful cats too. Words can't describe how much I loved them and lived for them. I hope to be with them again in the afterlife. In fact it's the only thing I have to look forward to.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

The way I see it, my family will be even sadder if they have to see me grow old while still having all of my problems. I dont want my family to deal with that.

Im going to make sure I have life insurance in order to repay them for all that theyve done for me. And I will make sure that my note is 100% focused on giving them relief and direction, emphasizing that ctb was my choice to solve my chronic issues. That way theres not so much uncertainty, guilt, or blaming.

In any case your family will miss you and feel regret and sadness for you. But the fact is you won't be around to deal with the fallout. You also cant control how they will grieve. If you have anyone who depends on you at all, the least you can do is give them some form of security by having your affairs in order so that they can spend their time grieving rather than being stressed about wills and funerals and stuff.

But the best option is to consider the feelings of your loved ones and stick around as long as you can for them. You still have time to make them proud and at least outlive them. They will never be able to replace the role you played in their lives and it's very likely that they will spend the rest of their lives mourning you. That's just how it is when you make a choice like this.

 

[Kassender]

Honeslty i feel going through with it would relieve them of...well, me.

Especially my parents.
Id rather not have them finish their days worrying about their loser son.

 

[Meditation guide]

Especially my parents.
Id rather not have them finish their days worrying about their loser son.

That's very generous of you. Although depending on their religious beliefs their worry about you might not end with your passing.

 

[make_00]

my first post on this site, resonated with the vent topic.

I can't stand the face my parents have when they find me and have to take me to the hospital because of another OD or self-inflicted injury. so I plan on CTB when my parents are no longer alive, my childhood was hell and I was hell, I am living purely because I want to make them happy with the time they have left (if I don't die from natural/accidental causes) -- I don't want to do anything to upset them, they are so full of love and I feel terrible that I can't be a person that wants to be here or a person that belongs here.

 

[KleinerWolf]

my first post on this site, resonated with the vent topic.

I can't stand the face my parents have when they find me and have to take me to the hospital because of another OD or self-inflicted injury. so I plan on CTB when my parents are no longer alive, my childhood was hell and I was hell, I am living purely because I want to make them happy with the time they have left (if I don't die from natural/accidental causes) -- I don't want to do anything to upset them, they are so full of love and I feel terrible that I can't be a person that wants to be here or a person that belongs here.

I can relate to what you said.
I too feel like my parents are good people even though they don't necessarily get me.

I feel like an outcast for trying so hard, but Im not happy with my current life situations.
I'd be keen to stay alive for my parents though. They are good people. I cannot imagine the devastation on their face having to attend my funeral.

 

[Meditation guide]

I don't want to do anything to upset them, they are so full of love and I feel terrible that I can't be a person that wants to be here or a person that belongs here.

I understand how you feel. So in a way your life does have purpose and it's a very noble one. You're lucky to experience that kind of love, although I know it puts you into a terrible bind.

 

[make_00]

I understand how you feel. So in a way your life does have purpose and it's a very noble one. You're lucky to experience that kind of love, although I know it puts you into a terrible bind.

I've heard along the lines of 'you're lucky to have parents that love you' but never the part that acknowledges the bind that I, simultaneously, am in. how I sit through mental suffering so they don't have to suffer. it's suffocating. I appreciate these words, thank you, and I am definitely going to hold on to the thought of 'this can be a purpose too' even if I don't know how to bear the pain yet.

 

[Meditation guide]

even if I don't know how to bear the pain yet.

My heart goes out to you. I know the torment you are in.