"faking death" before committing

[wheelsonthebus]

This may come off as unhinged, but I mostly just want to explore it in practical terms. It's cathartic to think about imo, like thinking about methods you wouldn't/couldn't use is.

I've seen a lot of discussion (not sure about on SaSu but certainly elsewhere and irl) about wishing you could see how people respond to your death, suicide or otherwise. I guess there could be that desire to see others hurt, which I admit to relate to in a small way, as I've expressed even here recently how I wish I could hammer into a negligent professional that he messed up. Conversely, I've seen a lot of discussion here about ensuring that loved ones are minimally traumatized by ctb. Either direction then, for the sake of being sure how the death is taken, what would it look like to be missing, presumed dead (by suicide), before catching the bus at one's convenience?

Personally, this isn't something I could do because I don't want to witness my family's reaction. These folks made my childhood hell and now want to show me insecure affection that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so they can say they're victims (consistent with their other behavior). "Why won't the child we beat accept a gropey hug from us as an adult??" A mystery. I don't want to have to deal with the weirdness of my abusive mother being in mourning for something she helped cause. Also, seeing how people respond I know doesn't really matter, on account of being dead regardless of how it's taken shortly after. Again, humor me, I'm just posing it as a discussion.

I guess if I went out right now my top methods are hanging or GSW to the head. I can do this far away from anyone and intend to. If I wanted to do the above, though, in an imaginary world where I don't have to worry about family, I don't even know how I'd proceed in a way where I'm privvy to anyone's response. If I just wanted someone to know I'd send them a text, either right before I did it, or in advance and then discard the phone since I don't want police to locate me (they aren't that competent or on-it where I am though, but just as a precaution). But unless you get to come back as a ghost (hell yeah), I can't come up with a way you would be able to get closure on anyone's response.

I assume though that for some, faking a death might be easier than committing, but could help ensure follow-through, like how some folks will sell all of their things or rack up debt right before. Not reccomended, especially if something goes wrong/survival/failure to commit, but discussed here.

Sorry I'm posting so much today I'm unable to cope via other means or so much as go for a run about it right now, so all the musings are coming out tonight (:

 

[letmeoff]

I honestly doubt it would make any difference with my family. People who are detached, self absorbed, negligent and indifferent in life - I don't expect them to be much different when they know that I'm gone. Crisis brings out the worst in people. Even doing a thought experiment, my family's reactions would be nothing short of a pathological nightmare. I think experiencing the reactions, even in the abstract, would just amplify my preexisting misery, depression and misanthropy. When all I really crave is peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can't say I'm not curious as to how some people might react. Worried too- for some of them. Not sure I'd actually want to witness any of it though. I don't know that I'd either want an ego boost or a guilt trip. Plus, similar to you, there are certain people I'd rather not have in my life at all so- I'd rather not witness anything to do with them.