Failing because of a stupid mistake (and laziness)

[orpheus_]

I had a complicated life situation during my final exams (in June) after the first year of university and I didn't pass 3 subjects. Went, well, there's also the second term in September, it will be fine. Well. For most of summer I was either extremely busy because my friend was going through some family shit and needed lots of my support, and when I got any free time I couldn't bring myself to do anything and was rotting in bed or just trying to function or a basic level somehow. I knew I will eventually have to either discuss new exam terms with my professors, or write essays for those subjects instead because that was also an option... Nope, didn't bother, I waited. (For context I most likely have adhd which makes complex tasks like studying nearly impossible unless I'm REALLY interested in them. Still it's my fault I didn't do ANY work).


And today I fucking found out that I got the terms mixed up. I thought I had time up to September 30th, but apparently it's until September 14th. I did NOTHING. I have 0 chance to do anything until then because my brain feels like it's rotting and I cannot even write an email to my year tutor to ask for any guidance. Even when I get that 1% of communication skills and try to do it, I get too anxious that he will call me stupid and say that he can do nothing about my careless mistakes. I've heard he's quite a cold kind of guy.


In theory I have the option to get an extension of the term until September 27th but that would require me to get a special permit from the university institution which takes care of students with health problems. Uh. Assuming they would consider my depression an actual "health problem" because everyone has it now. Also to go there I need documentation from my psychiatrist, who has the closest free term on Sept 24th so I'm fucked. Also I'm just too tired to do all of this, it feels exhausting even thinking about it. Especially knowing I may get ridiculed.


Also my parents have no idea that I didn't pass the year yet and I know I will get into a serious conflict with them when they find out that I lied that everything's going fine with my studies, and while I have bigger problems now I REALLY don't want another conflict on top of that.


Going to university has been the only thing giving me any hope, it's the only place where I can have normal social interactions, where I can distract myself from all of the misery. If I won't pass the year, I'm fucked, I will honestly have nothing left. Everything is bad already. I try to function somehow, aka eat food/maintain basic hygiene/not turn my flat into a dumpster, but it's incredibly hard and I don't feel like doing anything else. I thought that maybe the academic year starting will motivate me a bit, since it did last year... Not if everything goes shit though.


I really want things to be better. I'm just too tired and I see no point anymore.

 

[DirtCommie]

Well long after your parents and professors are dead you will be left here with your ADHD. You shouldnt feel guiltyfor taking extra time off for your eventual understanding of this lifelong illness thatt a disturbing number of neuronormative people are too wilfully ignorant or selsfish to understand. You did not consent to being born neurodivergent , you just were . End of that story. SO now ,unlike your parents and your professors, you will have to spend the rest of YOUR 80 OR 100 YEAR LIFE writing the rest of your story with your ADHD diagnosis alone....without anyobody's help. This 'lifelong disease' which you didnt consent to being born with changes how you think and how you function from neuronormative people and that may lead to questionable decisions and actions, failures, and delays over the course of your comprehensive process.

Im guessing youre in your 20s right? SO youll have to spend the next 60-80 years on this ravaged, goddamned watery rock dealing with your ADHD. Alone.YOur professors wont be here forever. YOur parents wont be here forever. You and I wont be here forever, but I feel that while I am hereI might as well understand how to live with ADHD in a way that allows me to be a helpful and caring person towards other people, why not? Id recommend you attempt to do the same.

Also you should know If youre in your 20s right now you should know thst youve only had a miniscule number of years or months to understand how your ADHD changes your cognitive and functional capabilities. YOu probabaly didnt get diagnosed until you were in your 20s, teens or until you were in elementary school, right? well a teenager or a child tends to not have the ability to even begin understand what in the heck ADHD even is , let alone what how it makes someone different from.neuronormative people. SO most people with ADHD tend to spend their 20s, 30s, 40s, heck sometimes even up to their 50s completely understanding what it does to them in particular. Im one of those people myself too. You might just be one of those people too...

At the end of the day the person's who's mental and physical health that should be most important to you is YOURS. We live in a very questionable world these days and cannot survive in today's world with faulty physical or mental health so you shouldnt feel guilty to take questionable steps to understand and put into action ways for how YOU can take care of YOU holistically

When you finally have a rhythm for yourself going , THEN you can worry about all the other stuff and all the other people in your life.

BEst of wishes

 

[orpheus_]

Well long after your parents and professors are dead you will be left here with your ADHD. You shouldnt feel guiltyfor taking extra time off for your eventual understanding of this lifelong illness thatt a disturbing number of neuronormative people are too wilfully ignorant or selsfish to understand. You did not consent to being born neurodivergent , you just were . End of that story. SO now ,unlike your parents and your professors, you will have to spend the rest of YOUR 80 OR 100 YEAR LIFE writing the rest of your story with your ADHD diagnosis alone....without anyobody's help. This 'lifelong disease' which you didnt consent to being born with changes how you think and how you function from neuronormative people and that may lead to questionable decisions and actions, failures, and delays over the course of your comprehensive process.

Im guessing youre in your 20s right? SO youll have to spend the next 60-80 years on this ravaged, goddamned watery rock dealing with your ADHD. Alone.YOur professors wont be here forever. YOur parents wont be here forever. You and I wont be here forever, but I feel that while I am hereI might as well understand how to live with ADHD in a way that allows me to be a helpful and caring person towards other people, why not? Id recommend you attempt to do the same.

Also you should know If youre in your 20s right now you should know thst youve only had a miniscule number of years or months to understand how your ADHD changes your cognitive and functional capabilities. YOu probabaly didnt get diagnosed until you were in your 20s, teens or until you were in elementary school, right? well a teenager or a child tends to not have the ability to even begin understand what in the heck ADHD even is , let alone what how it makes someone different from.neuronormative people. SO most people with ADHD tend to spend their 20s, 30s, 40s, heck sometimes even up to their 50s completely understanding what it does to them in particular. Im one of those people myself too. You might just be one of those people too...

At the end of the day the person's who's mental and physical health that should be most important to you is YOURS. We live in a very questionable world these days and cannot survive in today's world with faulty physical or mental health so you shouldnt feel guilty to take questionable steps to understand and put into action ways for how YOU can take care of YOU holistically

When you finally have a rhythm for yourself going , THEN you can worry about all the other stuff and all the other people in your life.

BEst of wishes

I still don't know if I should blame it on adhd, maybe I didn't make myself clear - I'm not sure if I have it, I didn't try to get a proper diagnosis because I can't afford it. It's just a suggestion I've heard from some people including my therapist, and it would make a lot of sense, but that could also be something else because in the end I don't struggle as much. I don't want to minimize struggles of actually neurodivergent people, and apologies for claiming something I shouldn't say without being sure.

Still, I get what you mean, and thank you for reassurance. Society is often cruel for people who are different, as if they lives weren't difficult enough without it...

In the end I managed to get a document from my psychiatrist (someone cancelled their appointment so I could see her earlier, I WAS LUCKY) which confirms my diagnosis (still, again, my only official diagnosis is basically depression) and severe difficulties with concentration. Two of my professors allowed me to submit my assignments to pass, one just ignored me but I can pass the year without that one subject. So in the end I might slip through somehow. Fortune favors fools, I guess.