Venting Failing at what I don't want

[motob]

I've worked hard in the hopes of being comfortable and living how I want. Every time I felt suicidal, I could push through it by feeling that the life I wanted was just around the corner. But now I get feel miserable, settling for days of mediocrity. I'm surrounded by furniture I don't like. I have obligations I don't enjoy. I live in a city I swore I never would. It all feels so hopeless. All the struggle for what? And it's not even a bad life comparatively. So I feel more guilty for resenting it.

 

[Silent Raindrops]

I know the feeling of working hard to achieve what you want. I've lost everything by trying to accomplish that. For some it's easy, and then, there's us.

 

[F@#$]

Sounds like me except I live alone in a farm house way out in the country.

 

[motob]

I know the feeling of working hard to achieve what you want. I've lost everything by trying to accomplish that. For some it's easy, and then, there's us.

It's at least reassuring to know there's more people out there

 

[Silent Raindrops]

It's at least reassuring to know there's more people out there

You'll be amazed at how many people here are probably in the same boat as we are.

 

[Katdogg]

I met a man from Ghana ( the Christian missionaries had indoctrinated him) . He said God cursed mankind to never be satisfied with what they had or where they were in their life.

What is the life that you are imagining for yourself?

 

[motob]

I met a man from Ghana ( the Christian missionaries had indoctrinated him) . He said God cursed mankind to never be satisfied with what they had or where they were in their life.

What is the life that you are imagining for yourself?

I think one with autonomy. Move where I want, own what I want etc.
I have a s/o with a job in this city. It's heavily car dependent and I'm way too anxious to get a driver's license. So I just stay inside everyday :(
I also am content with very little. Stuff makes me anxious. But if I'm sharing a space with my s/o, there's more expectations, so we just keep accumulating more. We had 1 small trash can for the apartment. And it was working fine! But we ended up getting a bigger one since it was expected. Now we have to buy large bags for the large can. And we have to clean the large can. Stuff begets stuff!! It sends me into a state of ennui.