idontfeellikeimreal
Member
- Aug 21, 2023
- 61
Heya guys,
I wanted to talk about my past. After I tried to ctb the first time I failed miserably. A year after I was forced to go to rehab. At first I tried to positive about it, but I was supposed to go there on the 15th of Septermber, for information, my birthday is on the 17th of Septermber. That meant I would have been there on my birthday.
We got there after a 3 hour drive and all of a sudden I felt unsafe, but I brushed it off. We specifically asked for a room I could be alone in, not a room with another person in advance and they said they would see what they could do. As we got there I have been told that I had to share a room with another person which was a no go for me, and still is. I started tearing up but I didnt wanna disappoint my mother, so we started unpacking my stuff. My dad had to wait outside because of the covid restrictions back then. Then a lovley lady came in and was asking me some questions, I just couldnt answer. The whole place felt wrong and I felt heavy the moment I stepped into that building. We were going down the stairs and I broke down since my breathing was off. So now I was there, on my knees, my mom told me to come so I got up, went outside and told them I didnt wanna stay. As soon as I saw my dad I hugged him as tightly and didnt let go of him. I was scared they would leave me there and just go. I argued with 3 social educators, my parents and a therapist to let me go back home. I was scratching my arm the whole time to stimulate myself. They told me I had to enter another building for the doctor to write the discharge letter so they could actually let me go. I said no, I wouldnt go there even tho my mom told me she would join. At some point they found another way to sort it out. I was so scared and felt so alone. If I think about it I feel sorry for causing problems.
I was so scared of my parents getting mad at me for that. The 3 hour drive back felt awful and I was constantly holding back tears. Not a single word has been said on that car drive. We got home very late and I felt like a mess, thought about attempting again but I couldnt even bring myself to get up and do something. I was constantly crying.
Has anyone had a similar experience to share?
Ive been in a psych ward before and it was so bad, thats probably why I was so scared.
I wanted to talk about my past. After I tried to ctb the first time I failed miserably. A year after I was forced to go to rehab. At first I tried to positive about it, but I was supposed to go there on the 15th of Septermber, for information, my birthday is on the 17th of Septermber. That meant I would have been there on my birthday.
We got there after a 3 hour drive and all of a sudden I felt unsafe, but I brushed it off. We specifically asked for a room I could be alone in, not a room with another person in advance and they said they would see what they could do. As we got there I have been told that I had to share a room with another person which was a no go for me, and still is. I started tearing up but I didnt wanna disappoint my mother, so we started unpacking my stuff. My dad had to wait outside because of the covid restrictions back then. Then a lovley lady came in and was asking me some questions, I just couldnt answer. The whole place felt wrong and I felt heavy the moment I stepped into that building. We were going down the stairs and I broke down since my breathing was off. So now I was there, on my knees, my mom told me to come so I got up, went outside and told them I didnt wanna stay. As soon as I saw my dad I hugged him as tightly and didnt let go of him. I was scared they would leave me there and just go. I argued with 3 social educators, my parents and a therapist to let me go back home. I was scratching my arm the whole time to stimulate myself. They told me I had to enter another building for the doctor to write the discharge letter so they could actually let me go. I said no, I wouldnt go there even tho my mom told me she would join. At some point they found another way to sort it out. I was so scared and felt so alone. If I think about it I feel sorry for causing problems.
I was so scared of my parents getting mad at me for that. The 3 hour drive back felt awful and I was constantly holding back tears. Not a single word has been said on that car drive. We got home very late and I felt like a mess, thought about attempting again but I couldnt even bring myself to get up and do something. I was constantly crying.
Has anyone had a similar experience to share?
Ive been in a psych ward before and it was so bad, thats probably why I was so scared.
