failed attempt on sodium azide

[anna_bot]

yesterday, i attempted to ingest 5g of azide. i am still alive as i wasnt able to ingest all of it. here's what happened.

i dissolved the azide into some water, and took a small gulp (i'm still unsure of how much i drank, but it wasn't enough to kill me). it felt weird, almost too "liquidy" and had a strange taste i can't really pinpoint but my body didn't like it as i threw up quite a bit as a gag reflex. i couldn't drink anymore because it just tasted AWFUL.

anyways, around 2 minutes in, i started getting symptoms. my heart rate SKYROCKETED and i just felt tired. what i want to note and make it very clear is that at no point during this attempt was i in any actual physical pain (apart from a minor, throbbing headache which was dulled by the sensation of everything else) but it was REALLY distressing.

fast forward 10 minutes. at this point i realise im probably not gonna die, but im gonna be suffering in agony for a good few hours. i also notice my breathing becoming less satisfying (air hunger) and i was sweating ALOT. however, within the next minute or so, i was freezing. my temperature was extremely volatile. also, my fingers started to get really tingly and my eyes were blood red.

i was in this state for about the next 2 hours, before i was finally able to sleep. after waking up, i threw up around 5 times and wasn't able to eat anything.

it was definitely an experience. what stopped me was the taste - it wasn't disgusting it was just.. odd. next time, i'd have to do it with a few pills and take them all at once so i can't really back down. also, taking more than whatever small dose was in that sip would make the experience go by faster as i'd go unconscious. i never blacked out once this time. might also have to do it with benzos and propranalol - the scariest part was my heart racing while lying down it was terrifying.

 

[k1m]

This sounds scary. Why did you do it?

 

[anna_bot]

This sounds scary. Why did you do it?

i had access to both azide and nitrite. for me - i wanted something quick, which azide would have given over nitrite, had i taken the whole dose. it was an error on my part not finishing it all.

 

[Wrath]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[Forveleth]

i had access to both azide and nitrite. for me - i wanted something quick, which azide would have given over nitrite, had i taken the whole dose. it was an error on my part not finishing it all.

Interesting that you say azide us quicker at SN is well documented to consistently kill within 40 minutes while the azide deaths in the PPH vary widely in timeframe. Up to hours later. What is your source/reasoning for thinking azide is faster?

 

[anna_bot]

Interesting that you say azide us quicker at SN is well documented to consistently kill within 40 minutes while the azide deaths in the PPH vary widely in timeframe. Up to hours later. What is your source/reasoning for thinking azide is faster?

You make a fair point - I think it's moreso the "vibe" I got from azide deaths which make it seem more quick. As to a more "reliable" source the PPH gives it a 4/5 compared to SN which has a 3/5 (I suppose it isn't that big of a difference and also there aren't that many SA deaths). SA in my opinion is more quick but very violent where as SN slowly brings you down.

Also, I couldn't bring myself to ingest 25g of nitrite. To me, it just seemed like too much compared to the 2g you need for azide. There is also no antidote, which makes it more appealing to me.

 

[k1m]

i had access to both azide and nitrite. for me - i wanted something quick, which azide would have given over nitrite, had i taken the whole dose. it was an error on my part not finishing it all.

Legitimately funny answer but I meant why did you (the human being) do that, not why did you do that (particular salt).

 

[anna_bot]

Legitimately funny answer but I meant why did you (the human being) do that, not why did you do that (particular salt).

Haha, my apologies. There's quite a few (personal) reasons behind why I did it but one of the biggest which I feel made me feel so motivated and ready was that I had been thinking of killing myself for years on end now. I don't think i've ever had a day or hour go by in which I hadn't thought of killing myself. And in these recent months, every single dream I remember (well, mostly) involved me killing myself and being at ease from everything. So it kind of gets to you after a while, when you're being tormented by these thoughts in your daily life + while your asleep + everything else piling on top.. it kind of becomes hard to ignore. And you get so, so ready. I think that's one of the ways I lost my survival instinct and just went in head-first... I had "practiced" killing myself so many times (in my dreams) that it became second nature.