Oh boy… here comes a long, sad, and probably anger inducing story..
When I was 7-8 years old (or around that age range) me and my grandparents drove to the sea for summer vacation and lived inside our family friend's holiday home. There they had a lot of cats walking around and living nearby the house, one particular cat mom was pregnant with many kittens recently and would regularly come up nearby the house with all of them. Well… one day I remember seeing one of the kittens laying away from everyone else in a very awkward and kinda concerning position, me, being a kid, was nervous that checking on him with my hands would result in me getting cut severely, so I went with my leg. Initially he didn't react so I pressed against him with the leg (I don't know what I was thinking, looking back it was such a bad decision) and I guess I must have been too hard on his delicate body because that caused him to die…
I remember crying so hard and hating myself even as a very young kid for doing such an evil thing to such an innocent animal, crying for as long as a week and never forgetting such an event for the rest of my life.
I still get reminded of it regularly throughout my life 15 or so years later, but this year I decided I will do more than just grieve, I had to pay back in some way.
I still live with my parents (of which my dad hates cats) so I cant do it yet, but as soon as I finish University, get my degree job, and move out, the first thing I will do is adopt a black cat from an animal shelter. Black because they get chosen the least and still have this ancient stigma of being the bringers of bad luck.
Anyways so where does the nickname tie into this? Well I decided to name this future cat Vasa, in relation to a famous Swedish warship during the Age of Sail which sank on its first maiden voyage, not having a chance to live out even a bit of its intended long service life (just like that cat who died prematurely by my hands).
Another interesting thing I noticed about the name which drove me closer to using it was the fact that my childhood best friend (also around the time of the cats death) had a very similar name, especially in sound (Vasia), kind of like it was destined for me to be picked.
I do not have high hopes for my future, I see a lot of misery and loneliness ahead, with not a lot of options as a way to escape other than CTB (which I suspect will become a huge want for me in 1-3 years)
But before all that, before anything else, I will do this one thing and have this cat with me as a way to repay all the harm I have done in the past and give it all my love and affection.
I know I am alone… but at least I will have Vasa&Me
Thank you so much for anyone who actually read the entire thing, I truly appreciate it.
