Venting Expiration date

[toskita]

These feelings of slowly dying keep increasing, and I don't like knowing that I've got an expiration date of whom I've got no control over. I'm aware it's stupid to say since death is unexpected plus the fact that a suicidal person who's afraid of suddenly dying is quite ironic, but hear me out.
I don't want to die aware of that no one ever got to truly get to know me, all my darkest secrets, thoughts and desires, and still get to love me, I know it's a hell lot to ask, but why can't I even dream about it? Is it such a crime to be disgusting and wanting to be loved for my disgusting self? (that's literally the most overused sad rant ever and such a cliché too lol)

I'm just tired of people putting an expiration date on my utility to them, I'm not dirty enough to get rid of, there's a lot of uses left but I'm not enough for anyone to want a second try, not even when I morph my life story to my convenience, manipulate or gaslight them to want me.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

wanting to be known is no crime, it is human nature. you deserve to be seen. dying is frighting to matter how you feel. feel free to message me if you wanna talk about anything at all <3