Experiences seeking partners for CTB

[bath salts]

I am wondering this myself, although I am still rather torn. On one hand I have a "live alone, die alone" mentality, but then again I think it would be kinda nice to have someone to die with and make some good memories, like Punpuns and Aikos last trip in Oyasumi Punpun if anybody read it. Maybe I could even say that I made a friend after all this time after all. But I can totally imagine the other person was just joking around or having a change of heart, shit like that. It would need to be a person you could trust somewhat. I have absolutely no experience in it admittedly and am unable to post on the partner thread since it was locked down for some reason, so I'll most probably never experience any of it and just go out like I lived.

Punpun and Aiko's last trip is exactly what I think of when I think of finding a partner. Such a great story :)

 

[not_a_robot]

I am wondering this myself, although I am still rather torn. On one hand I have a "live alone, die alone" mentality, but then again I think it would be kinda nice to have someone to die with and make some good memories, like Punpuns and Aikos last trip in Oyasumi Punpun if anybody read it. Maybe I could even say that I made a friend after all this time after all. But I can totally imagine the other person was just joking around or having a change of heart, shit like that. It would need to be a person you could trust somewhat. I have absolutely no experience in it admittedly and am unable to post on the partner thread since it was locked down for some reason, so I'll most probably never experience any of it and just go out like I lived.

I think there's a huge attraction to the idea of "buddying" because most of us spend our lives with this desire for suicide, which we can't speak of for fear of imprisonment. It's the attraction of feeling like we've finally found another person who also understands this thing we've been persecuted for, and forced to keep secret. It creates the idea of an intimacy, being able to share with someone the thing we have to hide from everybody else. The attraction of sharing a secret understanding with someone.
That's one reason I love the idea of a long cruise. Heading far out to sea for a few days. Being surrounded by all those happy shiny people who just want fun, being the only two on board who know what we're going to do. Smirking at each other, pretending to be like everybody else.
It's my favorite suicide fantasy, in fact I think the "smirking" might be my favorite part.
But I don't think I'd really have the guts for a jump, not even one into a beautiful sea with a smirking partner; the body naturally struggles against trauma (though it probably would not struggle for very long, ha ha).

 

[deadpool wannabe]

female looking to go beachy head need partner in uk who can drive pls

The main issue that I've had in finding a partner, and why I no longer am seeking one, is that they don't want a suicide partner.

They want a PARTNER. And I'm not here for that. Here not being this forum, but all of existence.

I don't want to date. I don't want to fuck. It's weird. I've had experiences with men wanting to fuck me as I CTB, and can we even THINK about the implications?

I more get that dudes want to fuck and/or murder me than be my bus stop buddy. And that's fine.

(I lose faith in humanity every day.)

ctb partner I ma female and simply just want to die asap

 

[Bathsheba]

I always intended to ctb alone but recently on this site I've had reason to rethink that.. and dying with someone holding your hand, who feels the same as you appeals to me a lot. So I've been researching online about pitfalls of having a pact, and came across this article which has freaked me out. Anyone else seen this?

Woman jailed after backing out of suicide pact with man

Natasha Gordon sentenced to four years in prison for encouraging Matthew Birkinshaw to kill himself

www.google.co.uk

 

[deadpool wannabe]

as long as you don't back out it think it is fine

 

[Bathsheba]

as long as you don't back out it think it is fine

I know you're right. That article just scared me a bit xx

 

[azucaramargo]

The main issue that I've had in finding a partner, and why I no longer am seeking one, is that they don't want a suicide partner.

They want a PARTNER. And I'm not here for that. Here not being this forum, but all of existence.

I don't want to date. I don't want to fuck. It's weird. I've had experiences with men wanting to fuck me as I CTB, and can we even THINK about the implications?

I more get that dudes want to fuck and/or murder me than be my bus stop buddy. And that's fine.

(I lose faith in humanity every day.)

Men wanted to have sex with you WHILE you would be CTB'ing?!?! That's very upsetting to me. Who are these dirtbags?

 

[Onomotopoeia]

I think there's a huge attraction to the idea of "buddying" because most of us spend our lives with this desire for suicide, which we can't speak of for fear of imprisonment. It's the attraction of feeling like we've finally found another person who also understands this thing we've been persecuted for, and forced to keep secret. It creates the idea of an intimacy, being able to share with someone the thing we have to hide from everybody else. The attraction of sharing a secret understanding with someone.
That's one reason I love the idea of a long cruise. Heading far out to sea for a few days. Being surrounded by all those happy shiny people who just want fun, being the only two on board who know what we're going to do. Smirking at each other, pretending to be like everybody else.
It's my favorite suicide fantasy, in fact I think the "smirking" might be my favorite part.
But I don't think I'd really have the guts for a jump, not even one into a beautiful sea with a smirking partner; the body naturally struggles against trauma (though it probably would not struggle for very long, ha ha).

There is something inherently freeing about really just being able to be who you are and talk about how you are feeling. I'm afraid a partner likely does not solve any of the inherent issues that leave many of us lacking substantial connections anyway. Once common thread does not make a connection although some are better than others and I think being suicidal in itself is probably a stronger starting point.

I'm not really sure why I think that's true but I do. I also imagine an odd type of bliss once the decision is really made and planned out and that in itself could help.

All that said i'm not sure a cruise ship jump will get you what you there way to many people to "save" you.

 

[Stan]

I always intended to ctb alone but recently on this site I've had reason to rethink that.. and dying with someone holding your hand, who feels the same as you appeals to me a lot. So I've been researching online about pitfalls of having a pact, and came across this article which has freaked me out. Anyone else seen this?

Woman jailed after backing out of suicide pact with man

Natasha Gordon sentenced to four years in prison for encouraging Matthew Birkinshaw to kill himself

www.google.co.uk

The one thing that annoys me about the article is the way they describe him as being full of fun and laughter. Seriously!!!! Just another way of stigmatising the whole thing