Feels like I'm relapsing.

[Anachronistic]

I don't remember when was the last time I felt suicidal. My diary app tells me it was around May. I've been having some heavy ups and downs since July, but no actual suicidal thoughts. But today I was just feeling so depressed, without focus, wanting to do nothing at all but play The Sims and eat sweets with soda. I feel like I don't want anything anymore. I feel lonely, I'm in a relationship where I feel like it's completely dormant, I don't have anymore intimacy with my partner, we don't have sex since May, they barely answer my messages on Whatsapp, I just feel rejected, neglected, and feels like I'm procrastinating the break-up because I don't want to feel more alone than I already am. I am bipolar, so I know in some days this will all pass, that's the reason why I never got to attempt suicide ever - I just know my feelings are too unstable and everything passes and goes and changes, but I feel like I need to listen to what I'm feeling and I need to take care of myself. I'm just so tired and insomniac, I just feel exhausted without being able to rest, I feel jittery and have been needing to stim a lot more lately, I'm anxious, I'm uneasy, I just want to shut my mind up, I lowkey wanna cry but I don't want to deal with the sensory feeling of wetness in my face... I wanted someone to tell me it's okay and I will get better ):

 

[Carrot]

You should meet with your partner and talk things out. You know it, there is no point in delaying it. Maybe you can fix things, if not, that is also useful information.

 

[fedup1982]

It's good that you can self reflect so well. That's a really valuable skill and shows a lot of maturity understanding your moods and how they affect your thoughts and behaviours.

It sounds like you're in a really tricky spot with your relationship though. Emotional needs are important, but relationship ruts do happen. If someone described your relationship thry way you have, what advice would you give them? Human beings are known to give better advice to others and worse at following their own advice, so I'd really give this approach some careful thoughts, because noone knows your relationship and situation better than you do, but I'm sorry you're going through it, I know how difficult challenging relationship dynamics can be