Versailles
Enlightened
- Oct 1, 2020
- 1,647
Existence is a nightmare. There are many reasons as to why some might think this, my personal take is a lack of meaning. We are all born to struggle, suffer, endure and eventually die. It doesn't matter if you were born rich or poor, first world or third, we all suffer and die eventually. We might not suffer in the same ways, obviously, but we all suffer. Working a job we hate, being alone, being misunderstood, being around people, being ignored, being afflicted by diseases, rot, a burning sharp pain, being cheated on, having your trust broken. And nothing ever helps. People always ignore valid questions about existence, such as "why do we even exist? Is this all there is? Suffering, meaningless work, and for what? Making sure that life will go on and on until we become extinct?" They brush these questions away with a mocking laugh and treat you like a child, as if these are some silly questions that anyone can see are a waste of time. If you are persistent enough, and ask the same people the same questions again and again, a magical thing happens, they go away. As far as possible from you. "You just have to be happy! It's all in your head" - I'm sure you know this all too well if you ever had a chance to talk to someone about wanting to die and why. People in general seem content in just ignoring reality and not question existence, and who can blame them? they're just too busy going to work and wanting about watching the newest episode of game of thrones, or maybe some other show, buying some new gadget, their time is too important to waste on such silly little questions. I've wanted to die for the past five years, and it's been even longer since I've felt anything but complete apathy towards everything in life. I recently went on a family trip and I've told my sister about wanting to die for so long, hoping, that just maybe, she would have a reason for me to keep on living, because who knows, maybe in all my brooding I 've been wrong and couldn't even think of some obvious reason to keep on. You know what she told me? "Promise me, promise you won't ever kill yourself. Because then, I'll have nothing." Maybe if you're an optimist, or naive, you might have thought that this was a moment of revelation for me, the moment where life stopped being a constant nightmare. And if you are a regular on this sub, you know that this is wrong. At that moment I just laughed. It just seemed so hilarious, that someone I've thought of so highly in the past was just as selfish and cruel as all the rest of the people I've talked to about wanting to die. My own sister. And I knew, finally, without a shadow of a doubt, that my life has no true meaning. I was right all along. I was born for nothing. All my pain, suffering, humiliation are all for nothing. I don't know about any of you, but I yearn for meaning. That's all I've ever wanted in life. A true objective meaning. A reason for my suffering, because then, at least, I would know why this happened to me. Why is my life so unbearable. Right now life continues to be a nightmare, one that I hope I'll find the strength to finish soon. I hope for all of you, who suffer like I suffer, and all others who suffer in different ways, to have a quick and painless death soon.
