Excited, scared, or both ?

[WAITING TO DIE]

Are you more excited or scared when it comes to the thought of actually dying ?
Or is it a peculiar mixture of both ?
I'm a peculiar mixture of both because I view it as the most intense experience we will ever possibly have.
I remember my first parachute jump and feeling a rush of both excitement and terror all at the same time just before I leapt out of the plane.
I view dying as being a similar kind of experience.
Does anyone else feel this way , or am I just crazy for thinking so ?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Currently I don't have a strong urge to CTB soon but I still think that CTB is the only option and better sooner than later before it gets worse. I don't know whether I'm excited or scared - neither nor - the closer I see me to an actual attempt when I think about it the more I get a kind of FOMO of life what I could miss although there's actually nothing left to miss out. Does FOMO count?

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

Scared. I don't think there is any excitement to it. I don't even want to ctb. But sometimes I want to continue even less.

 

[FRUSTRATED MIND]

I'm both but I'm also anxious because I don't know what is waiting for me after death.

 

[ADeadBunny]

It definitely a mixture of both, but for me that's only because of SI. Every attempt I've made in the past was filled with anxiety due to SI. If it weren't for that I'd gladly venture into the void without any worry. I think I'm going to ctb soon though and I don't think there will be time for SI to kick in with the method I've chosen.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think I'm much more worried / scared about failing than dying itself as I plan to die while "sleeping" anyway.

 

[edu0z]

just relief

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Currently I don't have a strong urge to CTB soon but I still think that CTB is the only option and better sooner than later before it gets worse. I don't know whether I'm excited or scared - neither nor - the closer I see me to an actual attempt when I think about it the more I get a kind of FOMO of life what I could miss although there's actually nothing left to miss out. Does FOMO count?

I think when our time truly comes to ctb, we will be so completely focused on actually commiting the act itself, and also the fear of failure that there will be no room left in our minds for many other thoughts such as fear of missing out on what could have been.
It's just a theory though.
I hope its true because I don't want any thoughts rushing through my head that could change my decision halfway through the act of ctb.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I'd prefer it be a surprise!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- I feel both too. Excited that I could bring an end to all this. That I wouldn't have to worry about a future anymore. Wouldn't have to worry about trying anymore. The process scares the shit out of me though. To the point I cry when I think what I might have to go through in terms of the pain, the fear, the uncertainty and doing it all alone.

 

[mysadstuff]

Scared/dread because dying is not pleasant. But also relief knowing it would free me from long term suffering. Ive been more at peace with knowing I expect my lifespan to be shorter than it could have been

 

[VenusOnArrival]

Both for sure, Def some fear but also from an existential perspective I think death is the only truly verifiable supernatural thing. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's everything you ever wanted. no one really knows. But the journey is sketcby to me

 

[FuneralCry]

If I had access a reliable and peaceful method that is guaranteed to lead to death then I would feel so relieved, as to me only eternally ceasing to exist is desirable.
I see death as a positive thing as it means the end to all suffering but sadly the difficulty of suicide keeps me trapped here. I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and just leading to more suffering as a result, in general I just fear existence and all the harm it causes. It's so horrible and cruel how it's purposely made so difficult for us to cease existing on our own terms.

 

[Kit1]

Right now (the way I am feeling), death will be a welcoming feeling of relief and a friend to embrace - but it will also be a betrayal to the two most important people in my life.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

For Death and for me finally trying to suicide I am exited. After thinking about it for years suicide for me seems to be the only rational act that I could do .

the useless distractions like watching youtube social media TV are just useless meaningless habits that I want to break. These distractions are not rational and are meaningless.

All of my life all i've done is useless momentous trash like watcthing youtube. life is meaningless. the only thing that is real to me is extreme unbearable pain which i want to avoid. all else doesn't matter to me

People talk about all kinds of boring insignificant crap. why is sports, tv , youtube , news , media so important or objectively meaningfull or objectively interesting. i don't see it.

The other garbage that i have to do like wash clothes , fix every broken thing, work a job, chores, take out trash , constantly clean every damn thing and these cells , groceries , eat 3 times a day , to to lists , try to fix problems. those are meaningless things that I have to do or i'll suffer even more like starvation , homelessness, dirtyness etc. I hate doing all that crap and more. but these are not rational because I'm working so hard every day for the opportunity to exist in an animal body under threat of extreme torture. So work very hard every day almost all day to exist in a meaningless existence is not rational. Even more irrational to labor to exist under threat of extreme pain for no objective purpose. If i commit suicide then i won't have to do all that other garbage. that's why I think it's the only rational act i can do . working all day a job chores trying to solve problems only to do it again next day for 60 years all the time risking extreme pain for no purpose : how is that rational? that's option 1.

now option 2: Oh you mean i can take a drink and then i don't have to do all that crap? I just don't see who wouldn't take option 2 if put this way especially if they have to work a job at least 40 hours (order of magnitude more suffering ) and have done it for many years in addition to having to maintain a house (another level of hell) , have suffered greatly , have a terrible disability , are old which is like being disabled ( demented and need help with daily tasks).

I have not done a rational action or act all my life, not one . that's all i want to do is do a rational act that I want to do and that I figured out is what I really want to do not what society programmed me to think I want to do.

the distractions like tv youtube social media are addictions. they are not intrinsically that fun but become addictions the more you do them . they are bs. I wasn't born liking any of that crap . they are learned and meaningless definitely no reason to risk the worst imaginable torture that is possible . I want to watch youtube ... brain stroke . The assymetry is obvious. nothing is worth the worst torture.